MARITAL INFIDELITY, IS POLYGAMY A SOLUTION?

 

Is Polygamy a sin?

Talking from the perspective of a moralist, Polygamy neither make a sinner nor a saint. If a man can be 'faithful' with them & take good care of them it is not a sin... As a liberal moralist!

But traditionally, I insist that in Africa, Polygamy is not our tradition. So I will not support it. And even if our tradition has supported it, it has no binding on me since I have pledge allegiance to another tradition that belongs to a higher Cultural realm... Heaven.

Lastly, base on my faith POLYGAMY is a capital NO! It is a sin to me according to my alliance and allegiance. So I will not generalize this issue... But if you claim to be of the same faith with me; or worship the same God with me then I believe our "is-equal-to" must be the same, but if it is not the same then it means we are of a different faith! Note: we might be of the same RELIGION but belong to a different FAITH.

The scripture is one;

The saviour is one;

The Holy Spirit is one;

Then our way of life must be one...

We might not mature the same way or be at the same level but our goal must be that "higher plane", the total maturity in Christ. My faith preaches and holds on to one man one wife till death do them part because Male and Female the Lord made them... Not Males and Female and neither Male and Females! Not Adam and Steve or neither Ada (an Igbo name for a girl) and Eve but Adam and Eve!

To round this up let me share this analogy with you. Take a pair of slippers (flip flop) and wear it like a two year old would... Right-leg to left and left-leg to right. Have you wear it that way? Ok. Then can I say you are wrong wearing it that way? No! It may look absurd or abnormal to everybody especially me, but all the same you are the one that wear it and you might have your VALID reasons that necessitate your doing so, but which don't make it right to me because of my sense of Judgement.

To me a polygamist in this century is like an adult that wears his slippers right leg to left and left leg to right. My first conclusion will be that that person is not normal either by mistake or by design!

"It is God's will that you should be sanctified: that you should AVOID sexual immorality; that each of you should LEARN to control your OWN body in a way that is holy and honourable, not in passionate lust like the pagans, who do not know God; and that in this matter no one should wrong or take advantage of a brother or a sister. The Lord will punish all those who commit such sins, as we told you and warned you before. For God did not call us to be impure, but to live a holy life. Therefore, anyone who rejects this instruction does not reject a human bein but God, the very God who give you Holy Spirit." I Thessalonians 4:3-8

 



#polygamy
#monogamy
#oluthomas
#oluthomas_sharing_the_love

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8 WAYS DATING CHANGES AS YOU GET OLDER

You begin to have a much greater appreciation of someone’s depth. 

In your late teens and early 20’s, there is a lot of emphasis on going out and having a good time. College, after college, Thirsty Thursdays, all that (a lot of) people really focus on is getting through their week and having some fun along the way. With this general fleeting attitude comes the same perspective on dating—it is what it is. Find someone you’re attracted to who enjoys going the same places as you and likes being around the same people, and you’re a couple.

As we get older, we begin to realize the importance of having someone who complements us accordingly, someone who we can build a real deep emotional connection with. The desire to find someone we can go out and have a good time with gives way to the desire to find someone who we cannot go out and have a good time with. Real, live, co-existing adults.

You have a much lower tolerance for nonsense.

Mind games, drama, whatever you want to call it—when we are in our earlier 20’s I think a lot of us have a much greater tolerance for this kind of instability. Maybe it comes along with being a little less serious about life in general—which of course is replaced by real goals and ambitions as we get older, Goals and ambitions that we do not want sidetracked by somebody who will drag us down.

We begin to recognize red flags much earlier on and know when to cut ties.

You are generally more comfortable being single.

When we are younger, everyone around us is hooking up with someone or dating someone or spending time with someone and there is some more pressure to be doing the same. I think as we get older, our focus shifts to building our own lives—working towards personal and professional accomplishments, and understanding the importance of being fulfilled while we are single. This allows us to raise our standards and only accept someone into our lives who will enhance it, not complicate it.

You are much more focused on what you want.

As an extension of the previous point, when you have a better grasp on who you are and what you want out of your life, you have a clearer focus on who you want to share it with. This, usually, only comes along with working on defining your own path first. Someone’s looks get moved down your priorities list. Of course physical attraction will always be important in a relationship—but as we get older we realize it’s not the most important thing. Far from it. This, obviously, is part of the deal when looking for a more serious relationship because we understand that a great smile and gym-fuelled body will only hold your attention for so long. Now, you need the substance to go with the packaging.

You will begin to understand your own value.

Recognizing your own value is the first step to having a happy, healthy relationship. The most powerful relationship you will ever have is with yourself. If that one isn’t healthy, none of your others will be. As we get older, we start to understand what we deserve from a teammate and should stop making excuses for them when they don’t hold up their end of the bargain. You are now strong and independent— so if they are not going to bring value to your life or treat you as you deserve, you are in a much more secure position to walk away.

You have a greater desire to work at something.

By “something,” I mean a relationship. And by “work on,” I mean stick with someone through thick and thin, good times and bad, bright days and dark days). But rather than just walking away at the first sign of inconvenience, the deeper relationship that your new found personal development has allowed you to cultivate with someone will keep you standing by their side.

You begin to understand you can’t change people.

When we are a little younger we tend to see someone’s potential, and maybe even fall for it. Who they could be if they would just listen to you. If they would just stop being so lazy. Or apathetic. Or do more with their skills, or whatever it is. As the years go by we realize the importance of not only working on becoming ‘whole’ ourselves, but also finding someone who has done the same to share our life with. We understand that we need an equal and a teammate, not a project.

As we get older, our tolerance for games decreases in proportion to our desire to find something real, but what also increases is our comfort and happiness with ourselves even if we stay single for awhile. We understand that a significant other is someone who fits into and enhances our life as we fit into and enhance theirs—they are not someone who we should revolve our days around or sacrifice our self-worth or independence for. Perhaps the most important lesson we learn on our journey, though, is that it is always better to remain single and only accept the love we deserve, than it is to settle for negative relationships along the way.

 



Originally published on JamesMSama.com


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RADICAL HONESTY: CAN YOU DATE YOURSELF?

I had a hot date.

I was nervous about it all day.

I didn’t know what to say or what to do.

I got dressed up and rushed out of the house, frantic that I’d be late.

I arrived at the movie theater just in time for Don Jon to start.

Then I went out for Mexican food and grabbed an ice cream for the walk home.

It was a really amazing date—by myself.

 

As part of The Artist’s Way, I have to take myself on weekly “artist dates,” in which I take myself out for two hours every week. It can be anything really—a museum, a movie, even a fancy meal—as long as I consider it art.

 

Dating yourself is a lot like dating another person.

At first it’s all an act.

You put on your best front, trying to impress yourself. You’re nervous and unsure how to just be yourself. But then suddenly happens—an accidental slip up. You reveal something personal. You learn something new about yourself. And, before you know it, that mask of perfection starts to fall off. You begin to realize things about yourself you never knew.

 

Relationships have way more to do with YOU than they do with another person.

It’s not as much about knowing how to be in a relationship as it is about knowing how to be with yourself. How many times do you think you’re angry when you’re really scared? Or emotional when you’re stressed about work? If you don’t know your own emotions, how can you expect another person to?

Why do we sabotage relationships?

Why do we self-destruct?

No matter how much we try, we’re never going to be in control of another person. We’re never going to be able to change their behavior. So we might as well figure out our part of the equation. It takes two people to make a bad relationship. It takes two people to make a healthy one too.

 

I’m talking about radical honesty here. I’m talking about the “I’m mad, but I’m going to say I’m not mad because I feel weak, so leave me alone for 10 minutes. But if you don’t come check on me, I’ll be even more mad.” If you know yourself, if you’re comfortable with yourself, if you’re honest with yourself—the rest is easy.

Listen, if someone else is weird-ed out by that type of honesty, then it’s the wrong person for you.

Be selfish.

Be totally selfish.

Selflessness is overrated—it just breeds resentment.

It starts that whole you-owe-me thinking. So be selfish every time.

If you don’t want to be there for a person out of your own volition, then you’re dating/engaged/married to the wrong person.

 

Why do we all settle?

Why do we feel like we don’t deserve exactly what we want?

That no one is going to love us if we are radically ourselves?

Self-awareness and self-esteem both start with knowing yourself. So take yourself out and get to know yourself so as to work on the weak areas and then enjoy the better side. Ask yourself out on a date. And I’m not talking about the cheap, fast date. Put a stake in the ground—show yourself exactly what you deserve. If you wouldn’t date yourself—your real self—then how can you expect anyone to date the real you? That’s why we put on this act. That’s why we downplay our emotions. Because we won’t even put up with it, so we’re sure no one else will.

 

THE CHALLENGE: Try it. Once a week for the next month, ask yourself out on a date. Mark your calendar early enough so you can’t change it. Fight the resistance when you try to cancel on yourself. Pick a nice place. And do it. Because you might learn something new about yourself. You might realize that you actually are a blast to hang out with. You might learn that you’re a fun date. You might learn that you deserve more… Not to mention the guiltless ice cream Sundays. But maybe that’s just me.

Originally published at bostonwellnesscoach.com.




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JUST AS GOOD MEN ARE HARD TO FIND, MANAGEABLE LADIES ARE UNICORNS... ALLIBABA

#alibaba'sstory - I have a serious matter at hand that I want to share. In fact, I should have shared this long ago, but the primary message from a friend that prompted the matter, was lost in between the series of inbox messages from those strange girls that are looking for romantic friendships on Facebook. In a nutshell, a lady friend sent me an inbox message on how it's harder to find a good man in Nigeria. And that the men who are "manageable" (her words, not mine) are so scarce and if you ever get them they are either married to a lady that does not deserve them or just repenting from a bad marriage from one of such women. Or even just lost faith in the whole marriage thing.

I later ran into her at a club. After the usual introductions that have become common place with these social media network of friends... I chatted with her a bit and found out from what she told me, that, many women are now settling for anything in between MR Right, MR Not just ok and MR Nearly right. As she put it, it's now a case of looking at what a guy checks out in the top 10 box... And if he has 3 out of 10, snap him up... Work on the rest 7, if you are lucky, you can get him to add 3 more of those top10 qualities... And begin to pray it lasts for as long as you both can manage. Much as I tried, to get her to rate me, she said, she can only rate someone who is on her radar. So ladies have relationship radar? Yes of course. You think you were not in Mary's radar, and she waited for you to come back after you... ? Ouch!!! (That was my guy who was listening in on our private conversation) I wasn't on Mary's radar.... I managed to mutter. Then she fooled you wellllll. She quickly added.

It got me thinking... What does a man need to show to get on any woman's radar? Money, sense of humour, fame, dress sense, good job, intelligence, good diction, good physique, some visible signs of affluence, confidence... She let me continue for a while, raised her glass of Henessy VSOP, downed it, and said, "He must first be AVAILABLE. Then you can begin to check out the rest."

So I asked, “do I look available?”

She said, "Of course, to the people who do not care if you are married, you are very available! Not to me, OOO. Mary was my boss at Platinum. So that strikes you out."

So I asked the next possible question, "so what can I do to look unavailable?"

There is nothing. You are even an easy pick. She added. Any man who has a source of income, popular, dresses well, tall, handsome small sef, has a car, is in the circles of successful people, looks like he has potentials to become somebody important and can pay the bills...

Our conversation started having K- leg when she lit a cigar, not cigarette, Cuban cigar and started smoking. I took a good look at her, and realized that, these women who are looking for a MR Right all over Lagos, may just have met him but he is also looking for a woman who doesn't drink alcohol or smoke anything at all.

That is the wahala.

As you are looking for MR right, he might be dodging you because you are all shades of wrong... While you are looking waiting for a guy to walk in and fit into your radar, you are doing some things that also confine you to the "never my type" hemisphere...

So, in conclusion, just as good men are hard to find, "manageable" ladies are unicorns!!!!

What is GOOSE for Uganda... Is GOOD for PERU...

 



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THOUGH WITH TWO PhDs... I QUIT MY JOB TO BE THE FATHER I WANT TO BE...

A journalist phoned me the other day.

“I see from your blog that you’ve been a stay-at-home dad for the past 13 years. I wonder if you have any tips for men who are suffering from the economic downturn and are finding it hard being stuck at home all day with the kids.”

“How long have you got?” I felt like saying, but I launched in headfirst, as is my wont when speaking about things close to my heart, like family.

So, I told her that I chose to give up work as a lecturer in Japanese the second my wife got pregnant on our first child, and I regretted it every Friday morning when I opened the jobs section of the local newspaper. So, I quit buying the paper.

I told her that my wife never wanted me to give up my job because it would make her look like a “bad mother,” and I grew resentful. So, we went to marriage counselling and worked things out.

I told her I felt like a twat standing in the school-yard watching mothers in their “power suits” drop off their children before heading on to work, and me, a man with two PhDs, going back home to change nappies. So, I took to writing while the kids watched Barney.

I told her that I was called “the wife,” “the yummy mummy, ” “Mr. Mum,” by those around me, and was told that my wife wore the trousers. So, I learned to believe in myself as a father.

But, of course, it didn’t happen overnight.

When my first child was born, I stood there patiently waiting till the midwife handed her to me. When my second child was born, the nurse wrapped her in a blanket and I immediately took her in my arms and smiled for the camera. When my third was born, I grabbed her and held her to my chest like a rugby ball, crying out, “My daughter! My beautiful daughter!”, regretful of the fact that I had been mildly disappointed at our 20-week-scan when she wasn’t a boy, because I had desperately wanted a boy to be my shadow as I had been my father’s, and now I knew that I wouldn’t change her for the world. I lined three bottles up in her cot night after night because she was the last of our “litter” and we doted upon her, and I’d wake in the morning to find her with a million bits of soggy nappy stuck to her hair and body, the nappy having exploded, but I told myself that she was worth it.

I called her from a friend’s house the other day. “I am going to buy you a puppy for your seventh birthday,” I said, finally caving in after five years of pressure. She screamed hysterically, dropped the phone, and ran off down the house while I fought back tears on the other end of the line.

“If there was a tsunami in our village, would you run to the hills for safety?” her sisters asked me.

“No,” I said. “I would run to the school to get all three of you first, and we’d probably all die together.”

They looked at me like I had two heads. “Really?” they said.

Really. What parent wouldn’t?

Parenting is the greatest and most beautiful job in the world.

No job requires more skill, more creativity, more responsibility and imagination, more self-belief, more dedication, more energy, more commitment, more backbone and more resourcefulness, and no job is more rewarding.

“And the day men recognise this,” I told the woman on the phone, “is the day they stop feeling a sense of loss.” Any woman could have told her that.

 



Originally appeared on AdrianMiller.ie



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