9 Things I Learned About Being A Good Father From Having A Bad One.
Although my dad didn’t teach me the things every father should teach
his son, I did, however, learn some important lessons about fatherhood
from my dad, and these things have greatly impacted the kind of dad I am
to my own son. I know a lot of mother’s read our blog, but this series
is for all the dad’s out there. (Although good mom’s should do all of
the same things.) So mom’s please forward this post to all of the dad’s
in your life (and all of the will-be-a-dads-one-day); my hope is that all dad’s (myself included) let these nine lessons mark the kind of dad they are.
1. Tell Your Kids You Love Them. Often.
It breaks my heart that I can’t remember my dad ever telling me he loved me. I’m sure he did, I just can’t remember it. That’s sad. Don’t let your kids ever say the same thing about you. Tell your kids you love them and you are proud of them, often. Tell it to them until they say they are sick of hearing you say it. Then say it a million more times.
Your kids long to hear you say that you love them and that you’re extremely proud of them. They may say they don’t (for those of you raising teenagers) but they do.
Trust me.
2. Pray For Your Kids. Often.
I don’t remember my dad ever praying for me. In fact, I don’t remember my dad ever praying for anything, ever. That’s heartbreaking. For me and for him. One of the greatest privileges (and obligations) we have as parents is praying for our children. My dad missed out on that privilege. I won’t.
Take time to pray for your kids every single day. Let them hear you pray. Pray at dinner time. Pray as a family. Pray when trouble comes. Pray when things are good. Pray when you have little. Pray when you have plenty. Let your kids catch you praying. Let them know that you know the One who holds the whole world in His hands. The One who hears us when we pray. The One who is always there for us. Let them know that you have a high regard for prayer.
Bottom line; Make sure your kids know (and see you model) that one of the most manly things that any man man can do is pray. Teach your kids this at an early age.
3. Teach Your Kids Where Truth Comes From Your children are going to spend their entire lives living in a world that’s trying to sell them one lie after other. Our job as parents is to teach them truth and where that truth comes from.
Truth ultimately comes from the Bible. The Bible is our standard of what is right and wrong. It gives us fixed points of reference to align our life when the storms of life come our way; like a light house does for a ship at sea.
Make sure your house (and your life) revolves around the Word of God. Teach your child what it means to have a Biblical worldview. If you don’t the world will teach them otherwise. And your child will spend their entire life searching for truth in all the wrong places. Don’t let this
happen.
If you have young children The Jesus Story Book Bible is one of the best children’s Bibles you can buy. It’s worth it’s weight in gold. Buy it, and read it to your children as often as you can. If you’re an adult and looking to learn more about God’s Word yourself, I want to suggest two books that will change your life forever.
i. The ESV Study Bible. This is simply the best study Bible you can buy, and the information contained in it will help you learn what the Bible actually means.
ii. Living By The Book – This book was written by one of my professors and it will transform the way you read and study the Bible. Trust me. It’s also worth it’s weight in gold.
“Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.” – Proverbs 22:6
4. Hug and kiss your wife in front of your kids. Often.
I’m not talking about a full on make out session. That would just freak your kid out. But show affection to your wife in front of your children. Hug her. Kiss her. Tell her you love her. Tell her she is beautiful. Take your wife out on dates without your child. Go on a short (or long!) vacation without your children. (I’ll admit, this one is hard to do.)
Why is this so important? You want your children to know that their parents (and their home) are secure. That mom and dad are committed to each other. That mom and dad are in love with each other. That even though their friend’s family may be falling apart, theirs isn’t. I want my children to know their home is a safe place. That mom and dad love each other and aren’t going anywhere. Ever. No matter what.
My son never has to worry about dad divorcing mom (or vis versa.) We are in this for the long haul. In fact, here are the exact wedding vows I made to my wife on our wedding day. I want my kids to know I meant every word. (It’s amazing how many husbands forget the vowels they made on their wedding day. Sad.)
"I, Rick give myself completely to you, Abbie, To be your husband in marriage; I will lead you spiritually as I submit to the Lord and His Word to guide our lives; I will be faithful to God and to you and I will never leave you; And divorce, whether mental, emotional, spiritual, or physical, Will never be an option to me. I will forgive you as Christ has forgiven me; I will encourage, challenge and pray for you. And I will keep Christ at the center of our marriage. And I will love with all of my heart, soul, mind, and strength all of the days of my life All this I vow to you and to God."
Do I always do a perfect job at doing what I said I would do? Nope. Do I always strive to? Yelp.
I mean what I said that day. And by God’s grace I will strive to live out those vows until God takes one of us home. I’m not a perfect dad, but I know where Perfection comes from, and I daily seek to become more like Him.
In case I wasn’t clear: I am madly, deeply, crazy, head over heels in love with Noah’s mom. I fall more in love with her ever day. She becomes more beautiful to me every day. And Noah knows it.
5. Don’t argue in front of your kids.
This point goes with the one above. In addition to making your home a secure one for your kids, make it a peaceful one.
Every married couple has arguments. It’s normal. It’s healthy. It’s ok. But as parents we should make it our goal not to have them in front of our children. (Yes, I know this isn’t always possible. Trust me, I’m a mess to be married to.) But we should strive for it. By the way, we should also strive to fight fair with our spouse when we do argue. You want your kids to want to be at home. You want your kids to think of your house as the most peaceful, loving place on the planet. Sadly,this wasn’t the case with me. Many of my memories growing up are of my mom and dad arguing. It made my home feel unstable (which it was; my parents eventually divorced and my dad abandoned my mother to rise four boys on her own) and un-peaceful and I never wanted to be there as I got into my teenage years.
Dads, do all that you can to make your home a place your kids want to be at. Trust me. One day they may not be living with you, and you want them to want to come back.
7. Be Fun.
I’ve met a lot of dads (mine included) that seem to have forgotten what it’s like to be a kid.
They yell.
They scream.
Are quick tempered.
Grumpy.
And outright no fun to be around. They don’t read silly stories to their kids, help them build universes made entirely out of legos, go down the slide with them, or put on silly puppet shows for them.
In other words that are mean-o’s.
Don’t be this dad.
Have fun with your kids. Make memories. Laugh with them. Tickle them. Jump in the ball pit with them. Be goofy with them. Create new family traditions. In other words just be FUN to be around.
To combine the last three points; make sure your house is secure, loving, peacefully, and full of joy. That is the kind of a house a kid longs to be at, not longs to run away from.
8. Beware of Alcohol.
I’m anti-alcohol by any means. However, I am (as is It’s never ok to be drunk. It’s especially never ok to be drunk around your children.
My father was an alcoholic, in fact he eventually drank himself to death. Almost all the memories I have of my father involved him drinking. A lot. As a child I was always scared of my dad when he was drunk. Not because he was physically abusive to us or anything, but because he was a different person when he was drinking. I didn’t feel secure him. He would act strange.
Sometimes he would act over-the-top-silly. Sometimes he would yell. Sometimes he would say mean things. Often times he would simply pass out. In other words, he would act drunk. I didn’t know much about what it meant to be drunk as a kid, all I knew is that when my father was, he was a different person, and that person scared me. Sadly, my dad was that different person most of the time. He had no idea how to handle alcohol. Alcohol is a deadly weapon.
Fathers, you don’t ever, EVER want your children to be scared of you. And being drunk with alcohol is one sure fire way to do just that. It’s not worth it.
Trust me.
9. And The Most Important Item On This Entire List: Teach Your Children About God.
This one really combines all of the points above into one. My friend Reggie Joiner often reminds people that from the day your child is born you only have 936 weeks with them before they graduate high school.
That’s it.
After our children graduate high school and (hopefully) go on to college our influence in their life decreases drastically. That’s why it’s so import for us to use those 936 weeks to teach them all we can about God; who He is, what He was done for them, how they can know Him, and how He desires for them to make a difference in the world with their life. When these 936 weeks are done, they’re done. There’s no such thing as a parenting time machine. You can’t go back and teach your adult child what you wish you would have taught them when they were a child.
These 936 weeks are all we have.
Let’s make them count.
“When we understand how much time we have left with our kids, we begin to make what matters, matter more.” – Reggie Joiner
It’s Never To Late To Start Becoming A “Good Dad” Being a good dad isn’t easy. It isn’t autonomous. It takes work. Every day I have to make a conscious effort to be a “good dad.” To put my desires aside for those of my son and wife. Some days I blow it (just ask my wife) other days I feel like I did a pretty good job. Thankfully God is always at work helping become the kind of dad he designed me to be, a good dad.
If you’re reading this and you haven’t been a “good dad” please know that it isn’t to late. Today’s the day to tell your children (and your wife) you’re sorry for not being a “good dad” and that you’re ready to make a change.
To do things different.
To do things the right way.
Get involved in a good Bible teaching church where you can learn God’s Word, and be around other dads striving to be a “good dad” as well. Spend time reading God’s Word (again, this is great tool to help you do that) and praying that God would help transform you into the sort of dad whose children’s love to be around.
He can do it. He’s in the business of
changing lives…I’m living proof.
Originally written by Jack Smith of Noahsdad.com
Your views and thoughts are most welcome...
