She Change Me...

            Having being sold the idea of “long courtship is a guarantee for successful a marriage” I set out to start preparing for marriage early, so that I could have a long courtship and guarantee a happy marriage.

She was not my first date, but the second, having parted ways with my first date amicably on the understanding that the relationship can’t work out... temperamental issues. I approach her, and ask her out and ask her to be my girl –friend as we used to call it then and she said yes as I had expected.

Why did I choose her and expect her answers to be yes?

1. I thought her tom-boyish way of life as being loose… no before you take that further, it’s not what you thinking. Her being loose for me gives me opportunity to be free of some things as I thought, she wont be jealous; I wont have to be force for a pre-marital sex ‘cos she would have other alternatives.
2. She had the right shape. Yes truth must be told I have my own ideal shape, and she got it.
3. She would be available anytime for emotional stability. She lives close.

Checking through these reason very well you will see what is wrong with me and the relationship am about to start then. (Here relationship is use for courtship).

1. I want her to be my love, yet I want to be free to do as I wish… not to be seriously committed to the relationship.
2. I go for physical attraction alone, to be able to make me feel good and secure about myself. Am afraid of my shape, so I want to date the right shape!
3. I want benefits of being loved and cared for, but I don’t want any string attached (know that loving someone give you the RESPONSIBILITY of seeking their happiness at all times and not yours as primary, because if you love that person in truth, when they are happy, you will be happy).
4. I want to use her as a tranquilizer, yet I don’t want to be tempted. (Note: my number one rule in any love relationship is NO SEX!)

But all this changed within seven days of the relationship, yes! I mean it took her just seven days to re-orientate me, and not only that turn me to become the man to love.

It all happens that her first visit to our house is the seventh day of the relationship, we to see almost everyday, but her first official visit as my lover was the seventh day. As we continue to chat and get vital information I discover

1. She is born again.
2. She was a virgin, against my assumption.
3. I was the first person she said yes to, against having the assumption that she has other alternative.
4. I got to know that she to have some expectations and needs from me, majorly not materialistic.
5. She wanted what I don’t want to give: COMMITMENT. (Here she showed sign of wisdom: she knew I have many female friends that I might have some kind of fondness for, so she didn’t as for love… because I won’t promise that, but commitment… it won’t take you long when you are committed to a thing before you start loving it!)

            We talked with such openness without distraction that I could sense and truthfulness and see my hypocrisy, but that wasn’t what touches me most, the turning point came when she says with all truthfulness and sincerity, “Seun, won kin tan mi o,” meaning:  Seun never deceive me! You may not know the weight of what she said until you know that the highest gift and commendation you can give me is to say you trust me. That word means you make me responsible (even though in actuality I have not been), and you are ready to trust me for success and even supporting me all the way.

            Hmm that’s not me alone, but all human beings wanted someone to believe in them. We all want someone or people that will stand in the crowd and amid the noise shout our name to win the game. We want those that will take their place in our stand and cheer us believing we can do it and succeed even long after when we have stop believing we could. We want someone that will praise us for our little victory of attempting even when we lose the match. We all won’t mind to be that trusted.

            My family values truthfulness, even if that means death to you, but I have never learned to be totally truthful and the blessing in it until she made that statement. Henceforth I decided to try truthfulness for a change, and at least to show my commitment if not love.

            Since then, when I say anything false, she will say she believes I am telling the truth even before I finish, or else I should tell the truth no matter my fears. She alleys my fears and no matter how bad it is she will forgive me saying, I know you could do better than lying.

            Sincerely, I just find someone I could trust; because she first trust me and make me to know I could be trusted therefore I can’t contemplate disappointing her. This makes me to respect her, and even if she won’t say anything, I tell her anything.

LESSONS:

1. When you trust people and you believe in them, and do the right thing to motivate them, they will deliver, even if what you expect of them is naturally not their nature.
2. Communication, I mean open, free, frequent, deep communication is the best key of sustaining any relationship.
3. Tell people how you want to be treated, and treat people the same way they want to be treated. Never assume they will treat you right, the way you know how to treat people is the way they want!
4. Have right mind toward your relationship (all associations or partnership). If you expect wrong and faulty selfish desires, you will be left in the cold.
5. Believe in working it out, and not walking it out… commitment to the core!
6. Make yourself trust worthy even if that is against your natural nature, you will find peace and joy.
7. It takes the life above to live a beautiful life below… have a rebirth.

THIS IS FOR THOSE WHO WANT TO HAVE A FULFILLING MARRIAGE!

 

Your views are most welcome...