THE ROLE OF QUARRELS IN YOUR LOVE LIFE

THE ROLE OF QUARRELS IN YOUR LOVE LIFE

 

In our last post someone asked if it is good to be having quarrels/ misunderstandings in a love relationship, or if its a sign that the relationship won't work. I replied the question and I feel like sharing the answer with you. This question makes me remember this scene from the film #THE_NOTEBOOK:

"We are already fighting

Yes we are... That's what we do.

You tell me when am being arrogant...

and I tell you when you are being a pain in the ass...

Am not afraid to hurt your feelings...

But we have to work on this...

I want you. I want all of you.

Forever. Every seconds."

#Misunderstandings are good if they are use in the right way for the right reasons. Many marriages crashed because they try NOT to #quarrel... (though it is impossible not to quarrel) in which case one party became victimized and when she/he can't take it no more... They Quit. I have never met a #perfect_match that never disagree on one thing, who still last a life-time in marriage. We are created different We have different background and upbringing We have different world view therefore We can't make the same submission though We must arrive at the same conclusion.

One important rule for intending couples is never to accept now what you will in future reject. Or reject now what you will in future accept.

 (even for married couples of 0-5yrs in marriage). 

Don't because of trying to avoid misunderstanding keep quiet... If you know you can bear it, now and forever, You can keep quiet, but if not... Dear speak out to let it be iron out and settled. But if it can't be settled please forget the relationship (if its in marriage you - both husband and wife- must find ALL possible ways to resolve it... Because they have failed to iron it out in their courtship, one of the two may bear the consequence or the two share it). The only unacceptable thing is to continue to have arguments and misunderstandings on the SAME ISSUE ALL THE TIME. This in itself is a testament that that particular issue has not been iron out thoroughly... and its a deal-breaker!

Misunderstandings and quarrels are great compass that test every love relationship, and the outcome of which tell us the lifespan of such relationship, if both parties involved are truthful to themself.

God bless you.

#Oluthomas

#oluthomas_sharing_the_love

https://m.facebook.com/oluthomasshare

Your views and thoughts are most welcome...

PARENTING: IMPROVING YOUR MOTHER-DAUGHTER RELATIONSHIP

 IMPROVING MOTHER-DAUGHTER RELATIONSHIP

Daughters are a blessing. Every woman wishes for one except maybe for a few who would rather have all boys. Most of the time, however there exist a strain on a Mother-Daughter (M-D) relationship for no just reason. In science, the opposite attracts, one would wonder if this theory is applicable to human relationships too. Poor M-D relationships are less discussed & it appears or feels to be a more "dysfunctional" issue because it is believed that women are more nurturing & social than boys & men. This ofcourse should prevent any serious conflicts between mothers & their female children.

The most intricate issue, however, is the fact that this situation is like a vicious cycle. Daughters seems to be closer to their fathers (though not in all cases) & could eventually look for their father's stereotyped when it is time for them to choose life partners (Watch out for more on this on Fathers day: How fathers can help their daughters' marriage).

Once in a while, a lot of women wonder why they just can't get along with their daughters, especially during their teenage years. M-D are not always enemies. When your girl is a toddler, you are more like a goddess to her. She want to be like you (esp. If you are fashionable), she dress up like you & do everything she sees you doing: Wear lipstick, model your earrings & wear your high heels. She just want to be like Mommy. The scenerio is like this until she is about 13, then you gradually become the most ignorant, out-of-touch creature on the planet, & she want to be far away from you. Then somewhere between her 20s & 30s, you become her best friend again.

There is something sacred about the M-D relationship, when a mother is absent from her daughter's life, it leaves both women feeling empty & less whole. This could eventually lead to a situation of low self esteem, dating & relationship problems, feelings of worthlessness & or depression. One cannot lay the blame for a dysfunctional M-D relationship on either the mother or the daughter's door. Both might grow apart being busy with different things for different reasons. But mothers should be careful to do things that will accord them the opportunity to remain or become their daughter's best friends.

TIPS FOR MOTHERS

*Have a solid foundation in your faith & Communicate it early to your daughter. This will always afford you a common ground to have your daughter as partners in prayer. Prayer time with them on pertinent or common issue will always give you opportunity to know what is really going on in their life. Don't only pray for them... Pray together with them.

*Show them love the way they want it. The fastest way to being out of your daughter's life is ignoring what they want ALL the time & giving them what you think is right for them ALL the time. Yes we love them & don't want them to make a mistake but most-times they won't learn & grow if they NEVER make mistakes!

*Understand the Seasons. The time you live as a young lady, no matter how liberal & exposed you are, is totally different from theirs. Understand this & you will open your mind to the possibility of knowing whats going on in their world. You lose them faster if all you know is "during our time".

*Be adventurous. This follow trying to think & see the world the way they sees it. As an elder, then you will be able to juxtapose & assess their differing world views thereby striking a balance between the old & the new!

*Learn to listen to them rather than giving them a piece of your mind in all issue! Listening to them without an eye on judging them will help them to come to you without reservation.

*Be playful. Yes! Life struggles & strains have make most mothers lost touch with the reality that life is fun. We can have fun in everything we do... Be it cooking together, watching films together (more fun if you let them choose the movie), shopping, doing home work together, or just frequent time-out with them. Desire to catch fun with them & they will see you as one of their own.

*Trust your daughter. If you have given them your faith from the beginning you must trust them: to make the right choice for themselves. Trust their talents & ability. Allow them to fail even in trying, trust them & show them that they have what it takes to make it in whatever goal they set their heart to achieve.

*Be there for them. And never get tired of being there for them! They will make mistakes, they will blow their chances. But don't use that to give them a piece of your heart talk, but a piece of your compassion. Nobody would want to brush aside a compassionate mother.

Don't wait till you are older: do it now!

Originally writen by Taiwo Monica of The Nigerian Tribune
 *Tips written by #Oluthomas

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Your views are most welcome...