IF I CAN'T ACCEPT YOU AT YOUR WORST MAY BE YOU NEED TO START BEING AT YOUR BEST!

THESE IS REALLY HARD BUT THE PERSPECTIVE IS THOUGHT PROVOKING.

I was perusing my Facebook Newsfeed today and I came across a status that said this: “Yea I’m a b*tch but deal with it. I wont be with anyone who cant accept all of who I am!!!”

This was a grown woman. Apparently college educated. Older than me. It reminded me of a meme we’ve all seen a thousand times. It has a few variations, but it usually goes something like this: If you can’t accept me at my worst, then you don’t deserve me at my best. This is such a popular sentiment that it has its own Facebook fan page with over 150,000 “likes.” 

Of course, the original quote is from Marilyn Monroe. It’s even more vapid and nauseating when taken in its full context:

“I’m selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can’t handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best.”

Out of all the profundities ever uttered, what does it say about our society that THIS is the quote we’ve decided to take to heart? It says that we need to read more books. Also, it says that we are horrible at relationships. Yes, it’s true that, in a marriage, we must love our spouses in spite of their flaws. It’s also true that we all have flaws. But it’s ALSO true that only an infantile, spoiled, egotistical brat would ever treat a loved one with “her worst” and expect them to deal with it because her “best” will somehow compensate for it.

Newsflash: It’s not OK to be selfish, impatient, and out of control. These traits, while common, are UNacceptable. They should not be accepted, least of all by the people you claim to love. The onus is on YOU to change your behavior and your attitude, not on them to “handle it.” Are you such a gem that they should thank God for the opportunity to be emotionally abused by you, if only it earns them a chance to bask in the glow of your superiority? Perhaps that’s how you see it, but I’ve never met anyone quite that charming. This philosophy is poison, and it stretches beyond one offensive quote from a 20th century Playboy Bunny. Often I read or hear people whine that they ‘just want to find someone who will accept them, no matter what.’ But being “accepted” should not be our relationship goal. Healthy relationships are loving, but also challenging, edifying, and even occasionally painful. Accept.

Definition: to receive with approval or favor, to agree or consent to. Should our selfishness, impatience, and weakness preclude us from being loved? No. But should these traits be “accepted”? Should they be “received with approval or favor”? Should our loved ones “consent” to them? No. Big no. Enormous, loud, screaming no. Should we scoff at our husbands or wives or boyfriends or girlfriends and flippantly tell them to “handle it,” as we behave in ways that will hurt and offend them? No. And if you think that — if you REALLY think that — then you shouldn’t be getting into relationships at all.

You aren’t ready. Further, does our “best” (which probably isn’t as great as we imagine it to be) make up for, or negate, our “worst”? No. Your worst is your worst. Fix it. Be better. Nobody should have to put up with it. Least of all the people you love.

Love is a transformative force, and if you want to experience it you better be ready to change in every way imaginable.

My wife does not “accept me,” and thank God for that. She challenges me. She makes me better. In other words, she loves me. What kind of a pathetic and dreary goal is that, anyway — just wanting to be “accepted,” tolerated, put up with? That’s not why we’re put on this planet. Life is not about gaining “acceptance.” Life is change. It is not static and stagnant, do you really want your relationships to be? We don’t emerge into the world as eternally entitled princes and princesses. We come into it as naked, crying, helpless babies. Our job is to grow out of that condition. And that will take a lot of changing and a lot of learning about what parts of us are unsuitable and insufficient and unacceptable. Sadly, some of us are unwilling to endure that process, so we never grow, and in failing to grow we fail to live. It’s a tragedy.

Don’t ask anyone to “accept” the bad parts of you. Instead, strive to improve those parts. Put in the effort. Make yourself worthy of the love they’ve offered you. Forget what you learned in elementary school. The only “participation trophy” you’re awarded from life is death. That’s the one thing we all get just for showing up. In the meantime, if you want something better, you have to earn it. That means if you want better relationships, you have to earn them, too.

Written by Matt Walsh

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THE SECRET TO GROWING HAPPILY OLD WITH YOUR SPOUSE

THE SECRET TO GROWING HAPPILY OLD WITH YOUR SPOUSE

 
Nobody pray for untimely death and God never for once say that is for us. Yes, it does happen! It’s not God, but the chief enemy… he is the thief, the killer and the destroyer. But though it’s not God’s PERFECT WILL for us, yet he does permit it! Aside untimely death, many couples life is that of cat and mouse. Some others are tolerating each other, while many others are JUST cohabiting with no love, no care!
 

The only reason I can gather for this UNFULFILLED EXPECTATION. This is usually the dreams, promises and fantasies of premarital love and the courting days that over the years have gone unfulfilled or on the verge of being too late to realize breeds resentment, bitterness, and hatred. But UNDERSTANDING will help us in knowing that dreams and fantasies are not same with realities and thereby help us in repositioning ourselves: values, expectations and dreams in the light of the realities.

Therefore, the only secret to growing up old as a happy couple is in understanding… not only of our spouses but also of the realities, which will enable us to prepare well for the inevitable changes that will come our way. Growing up happily old together with our spouse is not a matter of luck but of understanding, and many who believe this have learned to cherish this prayer and earnestly pray for it answers in their life:

Lord give me Courage to change the things that I can change

Give me the Grace to accept the things I cannot change

And the Wisdom to know the difference

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EVERYBODY WANTS A HOME & FAMILY; BUT NO ONE WANTS THEIR HEART BROKEN!

EVERYBODY WANTS A HOME & FAMILY; BUT NO ONE WANTS THEIR HEART BROKEN!

The real secret in guaranteeing your happiness in marital relationship is accepting this fact early: If You Want A Home, You Can’t Get It By Hatred – Being Hateful, because of previous Heartbreaks; or becoming toughed-up with indifference. NO! The only secret to having a happy home and family is determining more than ever before to Love more than the pain of the heartbreak!

It isn’t the kind of advice you want, but let face it… you fail once, so you refuse to try again… you are called a failure! But people called you and recognize you as a Success when in spite of all your failure u still determine to take more step at succeeding. Yes, the same applies here: You are a failure in love or in a relationship if you refuse to bounce back to love sweeter and more passionate than ever before, even after every heartbreak no matter how many times!

You don’t have the best of love by being too careful, or by being indifferent or by hating and resenting. You get true love by freeing yourself with the right attitude, repositioning and repackaging yourself to attract the kind of love relations that you want. Life will never give you what you want; you will be the one to demand what you want from life by your attitudes and conclusions.

If you want a home LOVE

If your heart is broken but you still want a home, LOVE again

If your heart is shattered but you still want home, LOVE and LOVE more again

In Loving lies your only ticket to a happy home and family!

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Single and Happy: Mary's Story

Here is Mary’s Story… Single and Happy!

In college, Mary earns a degree in dental hygiene because it was the “safe thing” to learn a useful trade. In her late twenties, she decided to pursue her master’s in theology, and by 30, she and six girlfriends – three doctors, a lawyer, a professor, and an accountant- were meeting regularly to support each other as they struggle to keep their faith strong as single, educated Christian women.

“All of my girlfriends have advanced degrees and weren’t meeting guys who were interested in us in our 20s. There were times of disillusionment, but we were just praying for God to work. And now, just a few years later, out of the seven of us in my original group, all were married but two.”

Mary said she and her girlfriends bonded over their frustrations.

“Well meaning people around us would tell us we were intimidating men. We just didn’t think that was the case. What bonded us was a spiritual perspective – we were just going to continue to do what we were called to do”

Now, she said, she knows that remaining single until late 30s was God’s plan for her.

“Having been single and not getting married until my 30s gives me a voice with women. I gain a hearing with these girls because I was single for as long as I was… I tell them it’s about God’s Plan for your life. Your life is not a failure if you aren’t married. Don’t be paralyzed by this!”

 You can be single and fulfilled till God’s time… Just wait and fret not!

Originally from Why Smart Men Marry Smart Women… written by Christine B. Whelan

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LESSONS FROM PAST RELATIONSHIP...

I opened up the email and realized within the first few lines that I had lost a friend.

I had been trying for a full week to get in touch with my ex- girlfriend to get an explanation as to why she had called me at one o’clock in the morning.

 “Don’t ever treat another girl like that again.” Her voice had never sounded so stern, purposeful.

We had split eight months prior. Though we didn’t hang out much afterwards, I considered it a healthy breakup. All of our interactions seemed genuine. I still liked her company and she mine (or so I thought at the time). I assumed we were going to remain friends. As I continued to read her words, she explained that she had grown to realize ours was an unhealthy relationship made so, in her mind, by my actions and inactions.

I was angry, confused, and even a bit shocked. Yes we had our bad moments, especially towards the end of our time together, but who doesn’t? I mean, I had been a good partner. Right?

The fact is I wasn’t. There are many things that can turn a good relationship into a negative one — or prevent a potential relationship from becoming great.In this article, I’ll go through the things I could have done better. I hope that readers can learn from it, and that I will remind myself how to properly grow and sustain a relationship.

1. Enter A Relationship On Your Own Terms 

 If you live on a small campus there is going to be crossover between friends, roommates, teammates, etc. So, it is likely that people will know who your love interests are. Since she and I had a fair amount of mutual friends—and were even living with some of them at the time—they were the first to know when the two of us became interested in each other. I was unsure as to whether I wanted to date her, something I needed to figure out from the beginning. I was uneasy, and my nerves only compounded when I heard that some people we knew thought I was being too wishy-washy or was taking too long to commit. What I should have done was ask for more time to seriously think about it. Instead, I decided to give our relationship a shot. My reasoning was that it might work out, but a large part of it was that I just wanted the peanut gallery to shut up. A person should enter into a relationship because they want to be with someone , not because they felt pressured to do so. This and the following points are quite obvious, so much so that they almost become invisible if not addressed. I made the error of not doing so. Later on in our relationship, I would find myself wondering why I was dating her. Some of my close friends echoed the same questions because they knew I was unhappy.

2. Know What You Like About Your Partner. We shared a few common interests, had mutual friends, and the physical attraction was there. But outside of that, I can’t pinpoint exactly what I had enjoyed about her. I hadn’t had the chance to really meet her beyond a handful of dates and larger gatherings. I should have gotten to know her better and, most importantly, understand what I liked about her and what I was looking for. Anyone going into a relationship needs to do this for their own benefit and for the benefit of their partner. I didn’t and it caused a lot of angst later on.

3. Remind Yourself What You Appreciate in Your Partner. It can be too easy to concentrate on your partner’s shortcomings, especially when things are not going well. They are more than a person who forgets to lock the door every night, or somebody who runs the dishwasher differently than you. They have interests, goals, and history. You like them for some reason, and they you. Remember that. Periodically reminding yourself what it is you like about your partner keeps feelings of affection close to the surface instead of being bogged down in inconsequential annoyances. I should have taken the time to remind myself for what she was: a dedicated student, talented dancer, and loving person.

4. Make It More Than About Sex.

She had never dated somebody before and I damn well should have known better. There were plenty of things I could have done something to improve the quality of our time together: surprise her with a card in her mailbox, go ice skating, walk her to/from class, volunteer with her, etc. Though it may seem trivial, doing these little things reminds the person you are with that they are important to you. My lack of caring was made evident by my lack of effort to do any of the things I just mentioned. If I did, maybe I could have found something that would have made the relationship happier, healthier.

5. Share Your Thoughts and Feelings.

Duh, right? This is another one of those obvious relations concepts that can be forgotten if not actively addressed. Keep in mind, one should feel just as inclined to share the good as the bad. Telling your partner what is making you happy goes hand-in-hand with all that is listed above. Of course some incompatibility is certain. Letting your partner know what is bothering you early on cannot only solve the problem quicker, but keeps you focused on the positive aspects of one another. When we would get in arguments, I would be so concentrated on what I thought she did wrong or how I hated having these conversations, that much of my time outside of those moments would be spent trying to avoid having another conflict instead of enjoying her company. This would cause the tension between us to build up, causing yet another an argument. We would spend late nights trying to amend things and be emotionally and physically exhausted the next day. (Sometimes it’s better to just get your sleep. Things will become clearer with proper rest; the problem may even resolve itself once emotions have died down.) Confronting the issues right away would have allowed me to concentrate on bettering our relationship.

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THE LOVE YOU DESERVE!

You deserve someone who will want to wake up to touch where the sun seeps through the blinds and lands on your cheek.

Someone who tells you how beautiful you are while you’re sleeping, when you’re mad, when you cry during your favorite movie even though you’ve seen it a thousand times.

You deserve someone who appreciates you for all that you are.

Someone who asks to keep lights on so that they can admire you in your purest state.

You deserve someone who doesn’t agree with you all the time but when you argue, it feels as if you’re pushing each other to be your best selves.

Someone who wants to sit down and talk with you until dusk turns to dawn a

bout new beginnings, desires, the unknown, the indescribable feeling of ecstasy when you’re immersed in the warm ocean.

Someone who knows that the touch of warm skin sometimes says more than a thousand conversations could.

You deserve someone just as independent and driven as you are, if not more.

Someone who will inspire you. Someone who will trust you enough to give you space to grow.

Someone who pushes you to travel down a path of understanding, to be unashamed and to fill yourself with courage.

You deserve what is best for you and that will look different than what anyone else has.

Although you’ll have to jump some hurdles to get there, fight tears, and endure nights alone …

when you stumble upon what you deserve, from there, the rest won’t matter.

Have faith that it will come when the time is right.

You deserve it.

Written by Sienna Brown

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LOVE: IN FAITH OR FEAR?

I talk to people about relationships and love every single day.

Recently, I noticed a theme emerging from these conversations over and over again. This theme is at the very heart of what prevents most people (including myself) from allowing ourselves to truly, deeply love and be loved. The issue is faith… or rather the absence of faith.

The faith I’m referring to doesn’t necessarily need to be rooted in religion. Rather, I’m referring to a more broad, yet deeply profound confidence, belief, and trust in someone or something that is completely uncertain. Our fear-mongering society has beaten faith out of us. The hope in humanity that this nation was build on has been chased out of us. We’re scared of terrorists, tyrannical government, and trans- fats. We’re scared of the hyper- religious, and atheists. We’re scared of kidnappers, cancer, and pit bulls. We’re scared of global warming, Hollywood, rapists, child molesters, and we’re scared of love. We’re terrified that love won’t last. We doubt whether we can remain faithful for a lifetime. We fear that our loving relationships will slowly turn into a passive aggressive grudge match, and arguments over taking out the trash, leaving dishes in the sink, and toenail clippings. We fear that things will change… and not for the best.

Every day someone asks me the question,

“Is it worth the risk to give someone your whole heart? What if they leave/change/become abusive/ take advantage of me/hurt me/cheat on me?

“Isn’t it easier to play it safe? I mean, you don’t have risk getting burned if you stay single. You can’t be emotionally destroyed if you hold back just a enough, and don’t fully open your heart.

“The person with the most power in a relationship is always the person who cares the least, right? I’d rather have control, safety, and certainty than be the one who gets burned.”

It’s conversations like this that make me realize how faithless our society has become. We have been trained not to have faith in each other. We know how easy it is for us to change our mind, and knowing that the love of your life can change their mind makes it easy to doubt love. The interesting thing about faith is that it cannot exist without doubt (faith without doubt is certainty), but if we allow that doubt to get a hold of our hearts, it can twist our uncertain reality into something it’s not. It will mutate into fear. Then we are faced with a choice, do we allow fear to take over and our faith to go right out the window? Or do we dispel the fear with a heavy dose of love and faith in others and in the world? Fear and faith cannot coexist. One will always dispel the other.

You must choose between certainty and love, emotional safety and deep connection, complete control and vulnerability.

You must have the courage to make the more difficult choice to experience the greater reward.

Faith in the face of uncertainty is at the very core of love.

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HOW TO UNDERSTAND YOUR PARTNER BETTER AND AVOID MISUNDERSTANDING

UNDERSTANDING YOUR PARTNER DEMAND THE MEDIATING SKILL

Two essential tools of the mediation trade will help you become your own translator.

1. Mediators validate what their client is saying. In other words, they make sure they truly understand what the person is saying before moving on and responding. Teachers call this checking for understanding. Counselors call it reflective listening. Call it what you want. But don’t respond until you really feel like you understand what the other person is saying.

2. Mediators seek to clarify information. Rather than reacting to what someone is saying, especially if it seems confusing, illogical or frustrating, follow step #1 and validate, and then ask more questions to gain clarification. This step is like being a detective — you are drilling for information so you can be confident that you understand what is being said.

3. If you are still confused, rinse and repeat. Often, you can figure it out on your own with time and effort, and more than a pinch of patience. But it can be done. It’s hard to resolve conflict when you don’t have a clue what the other person is saying. Figuring out how to translate is the first step.

Written by Ben Stich

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IF YOU HAVE A PARTNER WITH THESE DESIRES... YOU ARE A FAVOURED MAN!

You are wise if as a Lady you Desire All these:

I want to wear beautiful negligees... 

And make passionate love with you.

I want to listen to your heart...

To hear your deepest, most guarded feelings.

I want to reach out in the night and touch your arm, and know you are there.

I pray that someday I might carry your child, and watch your face as you love that child and father it.

I pray God might trust us with great causes for His honour and glory in the world...

And keep us brave and singlemindedness and uncontaminated by the compromises of the day...

So we can be beacons... Silently moving down our road... And touching everyone along the way.

I want to have a love relationship with your family... To enrich their worlds...

To have hours and hours to laugh and dream and feel hope.

Jesus is our abiding Peace and Joy... And you are my man for life.

If you have a girl with these dreams and desires... You are a FAVOURED man!

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IMPROVE THAT RELATIONSHIP!

Here are half a dozen hacks for a thriving relationship… 1. Date Them Like They’re New To You In the beginning of a relationship, you are on your best behavior and put in a lot of effort. Then you feel like you’ve won them and you stop trying as hard. If you date them like they’re new to you at all stages of the relationship, it not only makes them feel more appreciated, it also makes you more attracted to them. Our minds have this cool little mechanism around commitment and consistency (and if you’ve ever studied sales psychology then you’ve likely heard of this little trick). Basically it states that whatever we do, our mind forces us to believe consistent thoughts with our actions. “You’re doing nice things for your girlfriend again? Well you must like her a lot!” *cue flood of happy brain chemicals* 2. Focus On Freeing Your Partner From Their Blocks Your goal throughout your entire relationship is to help your partner become as free, open, and unrestrained as possible. We all have blockages in our emotional lives. Life can be tough and no one gets through without a few bruises. Maybe your partner feels self- conscious about their body because society has told them that they aren’t tall/short/skinny/beautiful enough. Worship it. Love it. Kiss every inch of it until they can feel your desire for them dripping from the love and intensity of your gaze. If you and your partner mutually set the intention of focusing on helping the other person work through their blocks and become the most open version of themselves possible, you’ll both benefit. 3. Listen There is an endless barrage of things fighting for our attention these days. What do people miss the most amidst this disconnected cacophony of noise? Someone to make them feel heard, understood, and who misses them when they’re away. When you are with your partner, give them your full attention. Turn off your cell phone as often as possible. Have conversations more than you watch television (or you know, throw away your TV). Face them directly and give yourself to them completely. No relationship has ever ended because someone felt like their partner listened to them too much. 4. Express Your Scariest Thoughts And Desires You do your deepest healing in the context of an intimate relationship. Regularly take the time out of your day (or week) to listen to each other without judgment. Whether someone has an answer for you or not, just being able to say something that has been bothering you for years and having them receive it with an open heart is enough to remove the stigma you’ve attached to it. 5. Plan Spontaneity Predictability is death to attraction. And spontaneity is the antidote. Do you always rotate the same few date ideas over and over? Mix it up with something surprising and romantic (like laying on the hood of your car under where the airplanes land in your city). Or playful and ridiculous (like building a fort and drinking red wine from sippy cups). Do you remember the last time you left the city? Get out of town for the weekend. Do you remember the last time you planned a bad-ass romantic gesture? Write up three different date ideas in three different envelopes and have your date choose their own adventure (they only get to look at one). Everyone likes surprises. Take the initiative and create a story that you’ll be talking about for years. 6. Gratitude And Praise Couples that go the distance not only give each other praise, they do it in a very specific way. Imagine you come home from work and you tell your partner that you got the promotion that you had been after for a while. Scenario 1, they say: “That’s such great news! I’m so proud of you!” Scenario 2, they say: “That’s such great news! I’m not surprised at all that you got it… you’re so hard working and good at what you do, it’s about time they recognized the value you bring to the company.” Highly functioning couples praise each other while tying their successes to each others values and character. So next time you’re about to praise someone, ask yourself “Why”. Why did they make that dinner for me? Why did they get that promotion? Why did they lose that weight? They made dinner because they are thoughtful and caring. They got the job because they are creative and valuable. They lost the weight because they are disciplined and courageous. You get the drill. The First Step Into Your Thriving Relationship Every journey begins with one step. Pick one of your favorite tips from this list and commit to doing it within the next two days with your partner. Not sure which one to go with? Whichever one seems easiest. Just get the ball rolling so that the benefits will give you momentum to keep moving forwards and keep the relationship rocking. from goodmenproject.com Your views are most welcome...

MUST LOVE MAKE SENSE?

MUST LOVE MAKE SENSE? LET SEE FROM THIS WRITER'S PERSPECTIVE

Ever since we started dating, my life has gotten better. That’s not hyperbole, by the way. And yet, a big part of me knows that we almost missed each other. You see, I wasn’t her type and she wasn’t mine.

Years before LB and I got married, I’d dated a number of awesome women with impressive and contradictory creds. My list of desired qualities for my type could—and did—go on and on, and yet this list ultimately failed me. Yes, I met amazing women, but I didn’t fall in love the way I did with my wife. Not even close. Conventional wisdom encourages us to find people who are scrambled images of ourselves. The standard paradigm for relationships claims we date people who make us feel a certain way about ourselves. And popular culture pushes the construct of the “perfect partner.” Our type, that person who is supposedly hidden somewhere in the ether, waiting to unlock the latent happiness inside us with a mysterious skeleton key, is treated like our great savior. The perfect partner is supposed to save us from our drab, familiar life.

But this notion of the perfect partner, what we commonly refer to as our type, is actually a narcissistic invention of personal entitlement. When we say someone is our type, we’re not actually saying that person is gonna make us happy, we’re just articulating a specific set of qualities that we find uniquely attractive in the abstract. In fact, happiness is only implied in this articulation because we assume that we’ll be happy once we find the person we want. Counterintuitively, though, the people we seek out may not even be the people we fall in love with. They’re often just the people we think we deserve, the people we like the idea of. Our romantic instincts can mislead us even though everything about them makes sense. Maybe that’s the problem. When you get down to it, love doesn’t make any damn sense at all.

When people list all the reasons they love someone, they’re usually the reasons they like someone. With love, you find yourself loving things about that person you don’t even like in the abstract, things you don’t even want sometimes. Love is like a secret passageway that goes through places you’re completely familiar with and other places you’ve never seen before, some of which you’re afraid of and others you simply avoided. Like, on the other hand is like a browsing history of all the places you’ve already seen, all the pages you’ve read before, things you find comforting and reassuring because you know exactly where you are. There’s something intrinsically irrational about love. We can’t fake love or force love, we can’t persuade love or build a case for love. We can’t write out a big list and say: see, these are all the reasons you should love her. If you do love her, much of it has nothing to do with that list. And if you don’t love him, that list won’t make you change your mind either. Contrary to the false epistemology of social conservatives, people just love because they can’t fucking help it. Sometimes, we even love people we don’t wanna love, which shows that volition and reasoning can’t prevent or create love. Love is fluid and difficult to control. It’s hard to manipulate and even harder to predict. It’s no one’s fault that love is this way. At the same time, you’ll never bully love. It’s always the other way around.

In the alternative world of being in love, things that usually annoy the shit out of us suddenly delight us. Things we swore to our friends we would never do, we end up doing (often by accident) with the people we’re in love with, and even stranger, we’re happy doing them too because being crazy in love feels better than being cool (or just crazy). Of course, it’s extremely important for couples to have things in common with each other. It’s important for them to be able to share and communicate common interests and experiences together. That’s crucial.

But love is like a big, clumsy rocket detonating inside us without any warning. If my wife and I had joined OK Cupid or Match.com instead of signing up for MySpace (both of us were peer- pressurized, by the way), we would never have found each other. The truth is, we weren’t looking for each other, we were looking for people more like us, or at least, more like our type. In other words, we were both looking for people we wanted because we assumed the people we wanted would make us happy. But a big part of being human includes a deficient knowledge of true happiness, not because humans are delusional but because they can never be omniscient.

As humans, we know what we want, but what we want doesn’t necessarily make us happy.

Even though I would never have asked for these things, I love it when LB invents new words or combines two languages together. I love the way she yells at me in telenovela Spanish when she’s pissed off. I love the way she sighs in her sleep when I kiss her forehead. I love that when she’s stressed out, she asks me to play with her hair. I love the way she takes care of sick and wounded children at the hospital, risking her own health each and every day to make the world a better place. I love that she makes me dance to crappy top-40 music in our underwear, cry to sentimental love ballads in Spanish, and give her a million hugs a day. I love that I now watch TV shows I didn’t even know I liked (e.g. CSI, Bones, ANTM). I love that she eats arroz con palta between paychecks, gives me pathophysiology lectures against my will and always wants to “detangle” my shaved head and groom my eyebrows like I’m a bonobo. I love that sometimes we play Supermario Brothers together on our Wii and we’re both obsessed with traveling. I love that my wife went through a phase where she sent me videos of baby elephants for a whole month. I love that she brings me home beanie babies I don’t want, blueberry muffins I didn’t ask for and threatens me when I pretend to eat all the chocolate. I even love the fact she cleverly talked (bribed) me into leaving Argentina in 2009 because we ended up traveling through Western Europe and Morocco instead.

In so many ways, LB is different than what I was looking for and I know for a fact that she wasn’t looking for a hapa fiction writer with a shaved head and a Buddha tat. But instead of traveling to the emotional places we’ve already known, LB and I have opened up entirely new worlds to each other we didn’t even know we loved. For me, that’s what love is supposed to do, if in fact love is supposed to do anything at all.

Ultimately, joy isn’t an equation and love isn’t a set of rules. With LB, I found love in the last place I expected. And though our friendship is a crucial part of our love (always and forever), friendship and rationality aren’t a substitute for our madcrazybeautiful love. Friendship and rationality don’t even come close, man.

Written by Jackson Bliss

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