4 Ways to Not Lose a Good Girl

4 Ways to Not Lose a Good Girl

WARNING: Get comfortable in a relationship, and it will die. Let me repeat that, get com-for-ta-ble in a relationship, and it-will-die. It may not be quickly, but eventually the inevitable will happen. Your wife, or girlfriend will get the courage, wake up, and walk away, and you will have no idea why (at least that is what your brain will tell you).

When you are finally honest with yourself and see the mistakes in hindsight, it will be too late. She will be with someone that makes an effort every day to put a smile on her face. Here are four steps that will show your partner that she made the right choice.

1. Show her that you have her back, and make her a priority.

Notice that I didn’t say “tell” her, boys talk about what they are going to do. Men just do it. Showing her that you have her back with the small stuff in life will build her trust, and she won’t have any doubts that you will be there when something big goes down. Pay attention to detail, and be helpful when and where you can be. No matter how busy you are, she should never feel neglected.

TAKE ACTION: If you notice she is running late to work, offer to bring her some lunch. If you were married, if she is doing chores around the house, get off the Xbox and help her, so things get done faster. Offer to take the kids to school so that she can sleep in.

2. Show an interest in something that doesn’t interest you.

No matter how compatible two people are, it’s very unlikely that they will share 100% of the same interests. Find something that she likes, and make an effort to learn about why she enjoys it and plan something special around it. Who knows, maybe you will find that this activity excites you as well.

TAKE ACTION: If she loves romance movies, get some suggestions on a good one, cook her favorite meal, and serve it to her. Then, have a movie night with a bottle of wine. If you are not into the movie, act like you are and give her a foot massage.

3. Never tell her she is too emotional.

You may not realize it now, but emotions are a good thing. It means she cares, and that you are not getting it. When you consistently tell her she is too emotional, she will start to believe there is something wrong with her, and then she will kill those emotions, and drop you in the process.

TAKE ACTION: This one is pretty easy, don’t do it! She is emotional because she cares, don’t make her feel like there is something wrong with her. Be painfully honest with yourself, and realize the problem is with you. And, even if it’s not, be a man and make an effort to understand her point of view. Try to be accommodating. It’s not about who is right or wrong.

4. Make sure her friends and family think you are superman.

Not everyone will get along with some friends or family, I get that. The question you need to ask yourself is: “How long can I go without messing up,” Let me educate you, “forever” is not the right answer. I don’t care how perfect you think you are; you’re going to mess up, and guess who she is going to talk about it with?

That’s right, her friends and family. If your relationship with them is poor, they are going to be the first ones to tell her “I told you so.” And, “You need to get rid of him and find a real man” But you are reading this, and it doesn’t have to go down like that. Her friends, and family can be your biggest supporters when she is contemplating locking up those emotions, and kicking you to the curb.

TAKE ACTION: Get to know her friends, and family inside, and out. Any guy can remember a woman’s birthday, but if you unexpectedly do something nice for a friend or family member’s birthday, you will be elevated to superstar status.

Performed consistently, these steps can give you the edge over the other guys that are out there learning the hard way. You can be confident that you are improving yourself as a person.

If you are a woman reading this, and you feel your significant other is not up to par, pass these quick tips along to them. If they don’t get the hint, don’t waste your life; find someone who puts you first, and who is genuinely trying to be a good person.

You might be (insert your age) now, but in the blink of an eye, you will wake up and find that you are (add 10 years to your age), unhappy, and looking at the same guy playing Xbox every day. All while you are doing the chores alone, being a spectator to good relationships around you. Get out and find a good man, because you do not have enough time in your life to make one.

 Written by Brandon Luke

#its_all_about_relationship
#oluthomas
#oluthomas_sharing_the_love

Https://m.facebook.com/oluthomasshare

 

Your views and thoughts are most welcome...

Big 5 Relationship Questions to Answer Before You Start Dating Again

Big 5 Relationship Questions to Answer Before You Start Dating Again

Just like everything else in life, dating requires goals. Either you are working towards those goals, or away from them. And if you don’t even know them yet, I can assure you, you are working away from them. Getting clear about why you are dating is a great first step. The further you can go down the path of clarity, in understanding what you are looking for, why you are attracted to the people you are attracted to, and what you ultimate goal is … Well, without goals, you’re going to end up starting over a lot.

Here are my BIG 5 RELATIONSHIP QUESTIONS you should answer before you start dating. Get yourself and your priorities oriented before you jump back into the dating pool. There is a lot of BS in the process of dating, both online profiles and meeting the person for the first time. And there are a lot of reasons for wanting to date, many of which may not have anything to do with a relationship. That’s fine. I’m not interested in casual sex or building up my network of friends. I’m interested in a relationship. If that’s your perspective as well, perhaps these questions will provide some clarity out there in the ambiguous world of dating.

 

1.      Are you ready for a relationship or are you dating for fun and nighttime activities?

2.    Do you have a good sense of what makes you happy?

3.    What are the traits you are looking for in a partner? Is physical beauty number one or is it intellectual compatibility?

4.    How would a good first date experience look and feel?

5.     As you progress along the dating experience with someone, how would do it unfold in your mind?

When you come to a relationship there has got to be a physical attraction—that’s a basic requirement, no matter the spiritual side of it. After we’ve done the “hi I think you’re cute” date we can both move on to what’s next. I’m noticing a new variation on the theme for me. When I’m meeting a woman for the first time, I get one of three responses:

Negative: There’s no chemistry at all. The feeling may or may not be mutual. But there’s no moving forward for me.

Neutral: There might be chemistry, there might be a spark, but the response, or resonance with the other person is a bit less clear. Perhaps they are not in an excitable place. Perhaps they don’t show their happiness in the same way I do. Or maybe they’re having a “meh” reaction and are having a hard time letting me know.

Positive: These are so rare for me, that I’m certain that they are the harbingers of a real relationship potential. These are the women who light up visually and verbally in our conversation. You don’t have to ask about a next date, because you’ve already begun planning things, or imagining things to do together.

What I’ve found about these three situations is interesting. The -1 response is an easy No. The +1 response is also an easy Yes. But the ones one can get really confused about are the neutrals. And I think I’ve found myself pursuing neutrals even when I know the HIT is not there.

Why?

Because there are so few positives

So few women that light up the way I imagine I light up.

So few women who are clear enough about what they want, and that find what I am has some of those qualities.

So few ‘YES’ responses

So I push on the maybe dates a bit too hard.

I’m learned. The YES is going to come from a Positive. When I am going after a neutral, I’m really compromising.

So let’s make a pact. In our next round of dating “work” I want you to commit to pursuing only the clear YES women.

Everything else is a distraction.

Your goal is a relationship, and then a Relationship, and then a RELATIONSHIP. I’m not sure what those steps mean, but I am sure that it will only begin with a YES.

From here on, NO and MAYBE are the same response. Look for a YES and seek it whenever the right woman, who’s answered most of the questions above for herself, shows up and asks, “What’s next?”

Written by John McElhenney

 
#its_all_about_relationship
#oluthomas
#Oluthomas_sharing_the_love

https://m.facebook.com/oluthomasshare



Your views and thoughts are most welcome...

Why I Needed Humility to Heat Up My Marriage

 Why I Needed Humility to Heat Up My Marriage

 

Arrogance almost destroyed my marriage. 

We’d been married three years. Things started to go wrong on our honeymoon. I blamed my wife and continued to blame her for almost everything that went wrong after that. 

It didn’t take long for the passion that drew us together to cool off. We could be in the same room, but our hearts were miles apart, separated by a wall of ice that grew thicker every day.

For me, spending time together felt like an obligation. When I got home from a day at work, she wanted to talk or go walk together. I preferred to turn on the TV and tune her out. We argued. We said things that hurt. I’d lose my temper and throw things.

 I Discovered a Big Problem

 

We both knew that if this continued we’d end up divorced. She asked me to go to counseling with her.

I’d been trained as a counselor. In my “professional” opinion, she needed help, and I didn’t. But she made it clear that our marriage wouldn’t last if I didn’t cooperate.

I don’t like ultimatums. But I didn’t want the failure of our marriage to be blamed on me. I agreed to go along. 

We found a counselor we could be comfortable with. We spent time with him individually and as a couple. As we opened up about our marriage and how we felt about each other, I discovered I had a problem with arrogance. It wasn’t the only problem, but it was a big one.

I’d figured by my calculations that I knew better than my wife on several subjects. In sum, I thought I was superior to her. Being “smart” gives a man advantages in a lot of situations, but when it’s accompanied by an arrogant attitude, it doesn’t score us any points in marriage. 

I needed a new attitude. I needed humility. 

Don’t Make This Mistake

Don’t mistake humility with seeing yourself as a loser. Humility is seeing yourself as you are.

Men can over-estimate their prowess. We can puff ourselves up like a rooster (perhaps you’ve been called cocky). Our talents can demand attention that wins promotions, awards, and applause. But when we mistake our appearance, our popularity, our knowledge, or our skill for the sum of who we are, we can become arrogant.

Character is what matters. Our character is revealed by the pattern of our actions, especially toward the people who are closest to us.

Humility is a valuable, but rare, character trait. Most men aren’t born with it. Researchers have discovered that humility’s greatest value may be its ability to help us form strong social bonds in romantic relationships. We need to develop humility if we want thriving, lasting love in a marriage.

Humility produces a generous love that doesn’t insist on having its way. Putting arrogance and ego aside, love that includes the virtue of humility can kindle a smoldering marriage, thaw the icy heart of a spouse whose love has grown cold, and re-ignite smoldering flames of passion. 

The Antidote to Arrogance 

Humility is the antidote to arrogance.   

When I realized that my arrogant attitude had injected poison into my marriage, I decided to try practicing humility. Humility and Arrogance can’t fill the same space. I put my ego in check. I developed a more realistic view of myself and my place in the world.

Practicing humility was like strengthening a muscle. I had to exercise it. For my “workout” I worked on seven habits of humility. I used these with my wife:

1.      Admitting when I am wrong.

2.    Accepting correction and feedback with gratitude.

3.    Abandoning criticism of her and others.

4.    Forgiving when I am wronged.

5.     Apologizing when I’ve wronged her and others.

6.    Complimenting her in front of other people. 

7.     Serving her generously.

 

I was purposeful in practicing these around my wife. I’ve continued practicing these for over twenty years. These habits have made my humility muscle stronger, but even now I have moments of relapse into arrogance. The point is to keep working at it because it works.

Rekindling the Passion

The more I practiced these habits, there was less coldness between us. Our relationship warmed up. The fire that fueled our passion for each other was rekindled. Practicing habits of humility together with other good habits is keeping my marriage hot.

If you see signs that your marriage is growing cold, take a look at yourself. What part is arrogance playing in cooling the flames of passion in your marriage? Which of these habits of humility do you need to practice more often?

 

Written by Jon Beaty, copied from goodmenproject.com
 
#oluthomas
#oluthomas_sharing_the_love
https://m.facebook.com/oluthomasshare


Your views and thoughts are most welcome...