Why I Needed
Humility to Heat Up My Marriage
Arrogance almost
destroyed my marriage.
We’d
been married three years. Things started to go wrong on our honeymoon. I blamed
my wife and continued to blame her for almost everything that went wrong after
that.
It
didn’t take long for the passion that drew us together to cool off. We could be
in the same room, but our hearts were miles apart, separated by a wall of ice
that grew thicker every day.
For me,
spending time together felt like an obligation. When I got home from a day at
work, she wanted to talk or go walk together. I preferred to turn on the TV and
tune her out. We
argued. We said things that hurt. I’d lose my temper and throw things.
I
Discovered a Big Problem
We both
knew that if this continued we’d end up divorced. She asked me to go to
counseling with her.
I’d
been trained as a counselor. In my “professional” opinion, she needed help, and
I didn’t. But she made it clear that our marriage wouldn’t last if I didn’t
cooperate.
I don’t
like ultimatums. But I didn’t want the failure of our marriage to be blamed on
me. I agreed to go along.
We
found a counselor we could be comfortable with. We spent time with him
individually and as a couple. As we opened up about our marriage and how we
felt about each other, I discovered I had a problem with arrogance. It
wasn’t the only problem, but it was a big one.
I’d
figured by my calculations that I knew better than my wife on several subjects.
In sum, I thought I was superior to her. Being “smart” gives a man advantages
in a lot of situations, but when it’s accompanied by an arrogant attitude, it
doesn’t score us any points in marriage.
I
needed a new attitude. I needed humility.
Don’t
Make This Mistake
Don’t
mistake humility with seeing yourself as a loser. Humility is seeing yourself
as you are.
Men can over-estimate
their prowess. We can puff ourselves up like a rooster (perhaps you’ve been
called cocky). Our talents can demand attention that wins promotions, awards,
and applause. But when we mistake our appearance, our popularity, our
knowledge, or our skill for the sum of who we are, we can become
arrogant.
Character
is what matters. Our character is revealed by the pattern of our actions,
especially toward the people who are closest to us.
Humility
is a valuable, but rare, character trait. Most men aren’t born with it. Researchers
have discovered that humility’s greatest value may be its ability to help us
form strong social bonds in romantic relationships. We need to develop humility
if we want thriving, lasting love in a marriage.
Humility
produces a generous love that doesn’t insist on having its way. Putting
arrogance and ego aside, love that includes the virtue of humility can kindle
a smoldering marriage, thaw the icy heart of a spouse whose love has
grown cold, and re-ignite smoldering flames of passion.
The Antidote
to Arrogance
Humility
is the antidote to arrogance.
When I
realized that my arrogant attitude had injected poison into my marriage, I
decided to try practicing humility. Humility and Arrogance can’t fill the same
space. I put my ego in check. I developed a more realistic view of myself and
my place in the world.
Practicing
humility was like strengthening a muscle. I had to exercise it. For my
“workout” I worked on seven habits of humility. I used these with my wife:
1.
Admitting when I
am wrong.
2.
Accepting correction and
feedback with gratitude.
3.
Abandoning criticism
of her and others.
4.
Forgiving when I
am wronged.
5.
Apologizing when
I’ve wronged her and others.
6.
Complimenting her in
front of other people.
7.
Serving
her generously.
I was
purposeful in practicing these around my wife. I’ve continued practicing these
for over twenty years. These habits have made my humility muscle stronger, but
even now I have moments of relapse into arrogance. The point is to keep working
at it because it works.
Rekindling
the Passion
The
more I practiced these habits, there was less coldness between us. Our
relationship warmed up. The fire that fueled our passion for each other was
rekindled. Practicing habits of humility together with other good habits is
keeping my marriage hot.
If you
see signs that your marriage is growing cold, take a look at yourself. What
part is arrogance playing in cooling the flames of passion in your marriage?
Which of these habits of humility do you need to practice more often?
Written by
#oluthomas
#oluthomas_sharing_the_love
https://m.facebook.com/oluthomasshare
Your views and thoughts are most welcome...
No comments:
Post a Comment