Before You Seek to meet the Next Person off-line
I spent a good part of a week recently getting to know
a new woman online, and I could sense the potential. I could admire her
good looks, dark eyes, and flashing wit. And yet there was something that
wasn’t coming across. I couldn’t decipher it right away. I was hopeful and
encouraged by our promising start. And her persistence in getting back together
again the next day. “Spontaneously.” I loved that. “Yes, yes, yes,” it said to
my brain.
But …
In my joyous engagement I was missing something from
her that I couldn’t identify. I thought I was listening well, responding well,
and behaving well. I thought we were moving things along nicely. But I could
only make those assumptions about myself and my own thinking. While she was
sharing a lot about life and asking a lot of questions about me, she wasn’t
really lighting up. She was … reserved. She admitted to being an introvert, and
I initially thought, “Oh, that’ll be interesting, to see how I am in
relationship to an introvert.”
And even in the real world, with all of our faculties
between us, the miss between us was something deeper. After three
meetings and the promise of an actual “date” for the weekend ahead, I was
feeling good and yet still mixed. I walked away from our last meeting
wondering, “Am I the one pushing this one along? Am I making this one happen?
Am I trying to invent my lover?”
The next morning, she pinged me saying she’d
considered our time together and felt it wasn’t going to be a match for her.
She was canceling the date. And she would catch up with me spontaneously as the
occasion might arise in the future.
I was disappointed, but not totally surprised.
I had been feeling the miss, but I was trying to
force it to be a match. I wanted “her” to work. And that’s when I
understood it was time to kill my online dating profiles. I WANT a relationship
too much. My focus has gotten lost in all this browsing, assessing, and
pursuit. What I really need to pursue is my dream and my creative output. I am
confident that if I do that, the rest will follow.
I have time for a relationship. I have the will and
the energy. And if I want to meet a match, I need to put myself and my life in
the places where “she” already is. In real life, not online.
Sure, I will have another great love. But first, I
must become the great lover I hope to meet, by becoming large enough to call
her in, without the help of a dating site.
Always Love,
Your views and thoughts are most welcome...
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