How To Keep Yourself From Cheating

How To Keep Yourself From Cheating

If you are looking for an out, then that needs to be addressed. Whether you go to couples counseling, or have a good series of conversations with your partner, cheating is the coward’s way out of a relationship. Yes, it’s appealing. Yes it will give you leverage on yourself to end the relationship. But you will hurt your self-esteem, sense of integrity, and your partner greatly in the process. It’s never worth it.

Try the following five steps if you want to keep yourself from cheating.

1. Look Inward

Cheating is almost always about unmet emotional needs. 

Ask yourself, “What do I actually need right now?”

Cheating (or being a ‘cheater’) is not a disease… it is a symptom. It is something that comes up in your mind as an option when other needs have not been met, or you have convinced yourself that they have not been met.

Do you feel like you need your attractiveness validated to you?

Do you need to feel desired more?

Do you feel like you’ve been emotionally disconnected from your partner for too long and you’re frustrated by your residual feeling of neglect?

After identifying the root emotional issue, ask yourself “Is there any way I can give myself this same emotional benefit, or is there a way I can bring this up with my partner first?”

Dig into what you’re actually looking for, and what you actively need on an emotional level.

2. Are You Just Seeking Stimulation?

Maybe you’re a thrill seeker and you haven’t had anyone throw any gasoline on your fire lately.

Maybe your relationship has become too boring, bland, and predictable.

Do you feel unattractive and need to give yourself more self-love?

Do you feel uncared for?

Do you feel under-stimulated in your career or day to day life and you’re just looking for an exciting outlet?

You are certainly within your rights to want to feel excited, loved, and full within your relationship. So if you don’t feel any of these things, either find a way to incorporate those feelings into your life or ask your partner for them.

3. Talk About It

Thoughts are a lot more powerful than they need to be when they start and end inside of us. Even talking about it to a coach, therapist, or close trusted friend is better than nothing. Try viewing opening your mouth to let your honest words flow out as the lid being taken off of a boiling pot of water to let the steam out. Your words are merely a stream of emotion that deserve to be let out. Even if you don’t know what you would say, reach out to someone who is trustworthy and confidential to either get a second opinion, or just let the words flow.

4. Take An Honest Look At Your Sex Life

Your sex life is a microcosm of how your entire relationship is going. 

Does one of you invest a lot more than the other?

Are the sexual acts that are carried out very one-directional (where one of you gets all of the attention and the other is regularly neglected)?

Or maybe you have mismatched libidos and you haven’t yet found a way (or even discussed a way) to find a sexual equilibrium.

Similar to a lot of the points in this article, this boils down to – Are you truly asking for what you need, or just silently suffering?

5. Remind Yourself Why You Entered The Relationship

And not just in the ‘remember what you like about your partner’ kind of way. You entered into this relationship because you decided that committing to this one person was going to allow you to feel more comfort, security, and companionship compared to hooking up with new people every week.

Yes, if you are in a monogamous relationship, you may feel the need to grieve the loss of your single life. But everything worth something takes sacrifice. Like a long-term stock portfolio, your relationship only increases in value over time. Except, instead of extra cash-flow, your dividends are connectedness and emotional fulfillment (which have been proven to make you happier than money anyways).

 

Is Cheating Ever The Answer?

One of my friends’ fathers once told me that:

“Sex with someone new is always the same, but sex with the same person is always different.”

And while the idea of cheating might seem exciting for a short while, you know deep down that it will only hurt you and your partner indefinitely.

Written by Jordan Gray

(edited)

 




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