Part 3: How to keep your girlfriend.
You can’t trick, manipulate, cajole or threaten her into staying with you. There is only one way, and even it’s not a sure thing. What you must do is be the type of man she wants, and treat her in such a way that she will never think to leave because you’ve made her life so wonderful. But there is something critically important to remember in all this, and that is that your happiness is just as important as hers, because if you sacrifice too much of yours, if you make yourself miserable in order to make her happy, then eventually you will become resentful and it all falls apart. It must be a win-win situation, which is focused on creating a mutually beneficial relationship. Remember, relationships are not a zero-sum game. For her to win doesn’t mean you must lose. Be a giver, and you will receive back.
Here are some of the basics I’ve picked up from convincing a woman way out of my league to stick with me for almost a quarter century:
Be reliable: This is not the same thing as being whipped, but about being a man of your word. If you say you’re going to do something, then do it. Sometimes this means getting up off your ass when there is good stuff on TV when she needs you. Like if she needs a ride, needs help moving something, fixing something, or just needs to talk about something. You need to be there for her on a regular basis. And know that this is not one way. Be there for her, and she’ll be there for you. Be loyal Even open relationships usually have rules. You need to establish the rules of your relationship, and stick to them.
I’m big into monogamy partially because the thought of my wife being with someone else makes me feel sick. The rule we came to together is this: me and her, no one else. To expect her to stick to that rule, I have to as well. It’s fair. It’s being loyal to our contract. But it goes beyond this. A long-term girlfriend, someone who may one day become your wife, is someone you want to support, sometimes in the face of criticism from others. I once told a friend, “One of the most important jobs a husband has is to protect his wife from his mother.” It may be cliché, but mothers don’t always get along so well with their sons’ wives (or girlfriends).
If your significant other is really, shockingly, badly wrong in an evil sort of way and others are telling you this, I’m not saying take her side over that of your family or your friends. Instead, I’m saying rethink that relationship. This happens. I lost a good friend to his crazy, manipulative girlfriend. Don’t think with your penis, but instead find a good woman who is worthy of you. And if you do, know that even a good woman makes mistakes, and for these less serious matters, you’re going to want to take your partner’s side most of the time. If you break up, your mom will forgive you. If you’re always taking your mom’s side over your girlfriend’s, you won’t have a girlfriend much longer. And it goes even further.
Some guys, for some stupid reason, think it’s cool to make fun of their girlfriend in public. They use her as the butt of jokes to impress their friends. Don’t do that. That’s stupid. That’s disloyal and disrespectful. This woman trusts you. Why the hell would you do that? And even when she’s not around, don’t let your friends talk smack about her. Straighten them out. Tell them you don’t want them saying nasty things about her. If they treats theirs that way, you tell them you dont want it. Instead, tell others how much you appreciate her, because the way you talk about her will find it’s way back to her. You want people telling your girlfriend you say nice things about her, not unkind things.
I remember years ago at a company Christmas party my wife coming up to me and giving me a big kiss and saying, “You’re awesome.” When I asked what brought that on, she explained that one of my co-workers told her about how I always speak so highly of her. And more recently I was on the radio discussing “useless” university degrees. I didn’t even know my wife was listening when I said, “The most value I got out of my undergraduate degree was meeting my wife.” The announcers laughed, but it prompted my wife to send me a loving text message. Accept her body. Adoring her body is good. Telling her to change it: not good. You can make a gentle suggestion if you want once your relationship is well established, but accept her decision on the matter.
Culled from http://www.goodmenproject.com
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