HOW TO FIND AND KEEP A GIRL-FRIEND ... Part 1

STAY MONOGAMY!

 

Life is not an Axe body spray commercial.

Sex sells, and what is often sold to young men is the concept of banging every hot woman in his area code. Use this hair gel, follow these pick-up tactics, spray this noxious scent and you’ll have scantily-clad females chasing you down like it’s a foxhunt. Thanks to evolution via natural selection, sex is a motivating force.

 

As a fitness writer, I know that the desire to fornicate motivates some men to quest for six-pack abs, as if a rippling midsection miraculously causes women to drop their pants and commence ovulating. But I took a survey, which showed that doesn’t actually happen. I don’t care how many partners you’ve had, or want to have. There are plenty of products that promise to transform you into a ladies man, but I’d like to propose an alternative; a more realistic one; an alternative that could possibly make you a happier man, a better man. If you’ve wasted time reading the creepy-rapey-misogynistic bullshit spouted by self-proclaimed pick-up artists (PUAs) to get laid, then you know that this is the exact opposite of that kind of advice. To quote a light-saber wielding little green puppet: “You must unlearn what you have learned.” And one quick note—as a man who is married to a woman, I can only speak from that perspective. But this article is not intended to exclude anybody, regardless of gender or orientation.

 

 

Part One: The case for one woman instead of many

 

The Internet is rife with methods for getting laid. PUAs have all sorts of ridiculous methods and games that promise to provide you with a new sexual conquest every night. Just insult her, act aloof, wear a fuzzy hat and treat your female encounters like hostage negotiations — where what you’re negotiating over is the release of her panties…or something. You’ll be awash in more ladies than your body can possibly tolerate. I know precisely diddly squat about picking up women for a one-nighter. I mean, I managed to do it once or twice a very long time ago, so I know what it’s like, but I’m not even sure how I did it. What I’d like to do first is convince you of why you may be better off with being dedicated to one woman than trying (and you probably failing) to have sex with many. First off, guys in Marriage relationships get more sex than single unmarried men do. Check out this chart from the Kinsey Institute , which shows that married guys are far more likely to be engaging in regular sex than single dudes. It’s the single fellas who regularly go more than a year without sex.

 

Anecdotally, I’ve spoken with many single friends over the years who lament the infrequency of their fornication. I’ve been with the same woman 24 years, and I have a happy and regular sex life (and that’s all I’ll share on that subject). Look at the Kinsey chart again. Married people do have sex, no matter what comedians and sitcoms tell you. I would venture that even guys who are supposedly good at the pick-up game don’t get as much sex as guys who are good at relationships. I’ve spoken with both a well-known PUA, as well as a friend who was justso charming and good-looking that women seemed to flock to him, and I still averaged at least as much sex as the former and more than the latter. The second eventually decided “to hell with being single”, got married to a nice woman, and has a couple of kids now. The first, as far as I know, is still incapable of having a lasting relationship. He told me he wished he had what I did.

 

But the single guys get to have sex with several women, while the balled-and-chained ones only get to have it with one. That sucks! Says who? Why is it that sex with many is better than with one? First off, let’s question those words “many” and “several” by taking another look at the Kinsey chart. Do you actually know real-live men who have had tremendous and high frequency sex using these PUA tactics to “score copious vagina”? And second, what can you learn about a person in one night? Sexual encounters, if you’re a caring and unselfish lover who is capable of, you know, learning, get better over time with another person as you figure each other out.

 

You get even more comfortable with each other. You learn what the other person likes and dislikes. A lot of stress is removed and you can jump into it in seconds and start going at it like bonobos on IV Viagra just because it’s a day that ends in “Y.” Third, and this is a really big one, NO CONDOMS! Well, if you do all the background checks with both of you coming up clean, and have a reliable alternative form of birth control going on, and are monogamous, then you get to ride bareback, and that’s awesome.

 

And finally, being in love is also awesome. It can make you a better person. That whole “ball and chain” bullshit is is just that. Bull and shit. Every time I look at my wife – the person who has been my very best friend for more than two decades – I think of how lucky I am to have her in my life. I know that no matter what happens, she has my back. I could get sick, injured, poor … and as long as I stayed loyal and decent she wouldn’t leave my side. She’d help me through it. Would some one-night stand you met at the bar do that?

 

So, let’s recap why one woman > many women (at least for me): The whole “many” part is likely an exaggeration. More sex. Probably way more if you’re a good boyfriend. The sex gets better as you learn more about each other. No condoms! Holy freaking yay and hooray! New best friend who likes being naked with you and makes more than just your penis feel good. Not all women are awesome, but a lot are. If you’re just a young guy don’t fear that I’m talking about marriage and mortgages and multiplying and minivans here. This is just about finding one woman you can be with for more than a weekend, and then you’ll see where it goes from there

 

 

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