ENGAGEMENT RING
Meaning
According to thesaurus, engagement is the act or state of being engaged to be
married,[1]
also Merriam-Webster put it this way, “the act of engaging : the state
of being engaged, with emotional involvement or commitment,” and its synonyms
is Betrothal.
Therefore, an engagement ring is a ring
indicating that the person wearing it is engaged to be married, especially in
western cultures. In the United
Kingdom, Ireland & North America,
engagement rings are traditionally worn only by women. In other cultures men
and women wear matching rings. In some cultures, engagement rings are also used
as wedding rings.
Conventionally, the woman’s ring is
presented as betrothal GIFT by the
man to his prospective spouse while he proposes marriage or directly after she
accepts his marriage proposal. It represents a formal agreement to marriage.[2]
The example of this we find in the scriptures in the case of Rebecca, Genesis
24:47-53, even though the Bible did not say the rings and bracelet and other
gift items are specifically for engagement, I think in the bible time, it is a
norm to give gift of betrothal to the bride.
Also many ladies see this as a serious
act on the part of the man to be committed to the relationship, as commitment
in relationship has been the major concern among ladies now. A man that is
ready to part with over $3,000 is seen as really serious about getting married.
So the special attachment to it is that the commitment level of the lady
increases as she takes the ring as the outward demonstration of great
commitment by the man.
Pre-engagement
Before agreeing to marry, a couple may
choose to buy and wear Pre-engagement rings,
also called PROMISE rings.[3]
We must understand here that pre-engagement is not ENGAGEMENT rings, because it’s
not official proposition of marriage, but an agreement before the marriage
proposer will come through. Promise ring is a ring given to a romantic partner
to signify a commitment to a monogamous
RELATIONSHIP, often as a precursor to an engagement ring.[4]
The ring can be worn on ANY finger, but
those symbolizing pre-engagement are generally worn on the left hand middle
finger or right hand ring finger to prevent confusion with an actual engagement
ring. This is typically done among
teenagers who are too young to be legally married, and rarely seen among adults
except those that are cohabiting.
History of Engagement Ring
Engagement band began in ancient Egypt
as the circle was used to symbolize a never ending cycle and the space in it as
a gateway. Betrothal rings were used during Roman times, but were not generally
revived in the western world until the 13th century. Roman men gave
engagement rings that include a small key, they believe that the symbolic
carved key will protect and cherish the heart of the groom; however it most
likely stood for unlocking of wealth because the Romans believed the ring to a
symbol of ownership rather than love. Also in England, the ring includes a key
which is said to mean taking care of the man’s household and properties. Even
though I didn’t agree with this, the rings, according to the Greeks are not
REQUIRED to be given before marriage, unlike traditional engagement rings of
TODAY![5]
Until Pope Innocent III in 1215
acknowledged people who promise to marry each other, and declaring the period
before their actual solemnization as a waiting period, the ring used is called Betrothal ring, the Pope was the one who
established the usage of the engagement ring. The ring then signified the
couple’s devotion to one another in that period of time, so engagement ring did
not become the standard in the West until the end of 19th century.
Development & use of Diamond Rings
In Europe,
engagement rings were once known as a Posie
ring, it was given as a form of promise of fidelity and love. During colonialism
in America,
a thimble was given as a sign of eternal
companionship. Women would remove the tops of the thimble in order to create a
ring. The first well-documented
Use of a diamond ring to signify engagement was
by the Archuke Maximillian of Austria in imperial court of Vienna in 1477, upon
his betrothal to Mary of Burgundy. This influences those of higher social class
to give diamond rings to their loved ones.
The discovery of Diamond mines in Africa in 1870 makes those of lesser means to be able to
use diamond rings for engagement too. However, diamond engagement rings were
for long time seen as the domain of the nobility and aristocracy, and tradition
often favoured simpler engagement bands. The idea of diamond ring as a fitting
choice for everybody was recently created around 1930 which is being
aggressively promoted by the entertainment industry.
Where & how to wear the rings
In North America, Ireland & the United Kingdom, it is customarily
worn on the left hand ring finger, though
customs vary across the world. This is so because ancient Greeks believed that
the left hand ring finger contained a vein that led to the heart, but it might
be because of its closeness to the heart. It’s only in United States and Canada
that only women wear engagement rings alone, other cultures traditionally have
both parties wearing identical ones, in Africa
I can’t really say, as this culture is a modern and foreign one if not strange.
But after marriage, the couple may wear
both engagement rings and wedding rings, but ideally as I view it, the wedding rings
are enough for married couples, because the purpose of engagement had been
fulfill when the marriage proposer that was accepted had been consummated. Even
though some brides have their wedding rings & engagement rings permanently
soldered together after marriage, I hold the belief that Marriage is a greater
commitment than engagement.
Selecting an Engagement ring to Wear
The choice of the type of an engagement
ring to be used, greatly depend on the couple and their intended aim of the
ring apart from just being for a promise of marriage. Some may want to preserve
their family tradition (if there is one), with the choice of rings with
sapphires, rubies, emerald and other gemstones, all at the cost that depend on
the shape weight, color & clarity. But there are synthetic stones and
diamond substitutes such as cubic zirconias, and moissanites are also popular
choice that are socially responsible and reduce cost while maintaining the
desired appearance.
The idea that a man should spend a
significant fraction of his annual income for an engagement ring originated de novo from De Beers’s marketing materials in the early 20th
century, in an effort to increase the sale of Diamonds! Now diamond rings had
become a requisite element of betrothal or and of engagement as well as a very
visible demonstration of status. Just remember that the tradition did not begin
until the middle ages when they were known as Posie rings, then they were not expensive, just simple gold or
silver bands with engraving of poetry of love messages.[6]
Colours
Some cultures take the colour or type
of the ring seriously. For example, in Brazil, a silver ring in the right
ring finger means the person is on a relationship, and a golden ring on the
left ring finger means you are married. Other cultures have their own
peculiarities, it was noted that the Romans in the earlier centuries will give
two engagement rings: one of gold which is expected to be worn public or social
appearances, and also another made of brass or iron that is expected to be worn
indoors or around the house when going about doing the daily chores.
Other betrothal Gifts
There are some religious groups that
shun the usage of jewelries; other gifts like a sewing thimble were an
acceptable alternative among many others. Also, it should be noted that wedding
ring is not included in Muslims’ traditional wedding, though some are wearing
it now, but engagement ring is used to denote betrothal widely among them.
Breakage
Until
the Great Depression, a man who broke off a marriage engagement could be sued
for breach of promise. Monetary damages included actual expenses incurred in
preparing for the wedding, plus damages for emotional distress and loss of
other marriage prospects. Damages were greatly increased if the woman had
engaged in sexual intercourse with her fiancé.
In 2007, the average cost of an
engagement ring in U.S.A.
as reported by the industry was $2,100, but why? In 1935 the law of suing any
one who break an engagement was greatly limited, therefore securing diamond
rings from prospective suitor became a means of securing a financial security
for emotional loss, incase there is a breakage, and traditionally, the ring is
not expected to be returned!
The so called modern trend holds that because an engagement ring is an inherently
conditional gift, once the engagement is broken, the ring should be returned to
the donour. Thus, the question of who broke the engagement and why, or who was
at fault, is irrelevant. But in England and Wales, the gift of an engagement
ring is presumed to be an absolute
gift to the fiancée, which I believe is a good one, because no matter the worth
of the gift, once it is given, it DOESN”T belong to the giver any more!
Costly Assumption
Many people now see the usage of
engagement ring by a woman as being
bought and paid for (going by the expensiveness of a diamond ring now, the
average of which is $5,000), thereby
allowing for sexual intercourse. It may means that since virginity is no longer
a requirement for being marriageable in our times, ladies has now taken
collecting diamond ring as equal compensation, and pretend as if it doesn’t
matter, but in reality it is not so.
An engagement ring is not a license for
living a couple’s life, but it’s only a STRONG indication of the possibility of
marriage, which today has been bastardized! Even wedding rings is being
returned as fast as it is put in the ring finger. I assume this account for the
reason why people put ring in just ANY finger – because it’s no longer a
commitment and solemn vow, but of class and status, though those that do that
will argue against it.
Conclusion
Let me acknowledge here that there are
feminist that believe that engagement ring (giving and receiving), is gender
sensitive. These people believe in the equality of both gender, and so they see
the tradition as one that promotes the age long assumption that a woman belong
to the kitchen/house – home keeping, and nothing more! They see accepting and
engagement ring by any woman as accepting to be subjected to the norm. Since
such believe that every thing should be done equally: work and pay bills
equally, do chores equally etc. I greatly support that the male counterpart
should then be provided with engagement ring also, bought and presented by the
lady, or better still propose to the man instead of waiting for the man to do
the proposing. And the ring production industry/jewelers are also adapting to
the ideology by making two identical engagement rings that can be worn by both
the man and the lady.
One of the best things about adulthood
(especially in this generation) is that we are allowed to pick which of the
customs of our ancestors and communities we want to ADOPT or ADAPT for
ourselves. But the most important thing to me is, when you chose, know the
reason what you chose is established and also have your own reason for choosing
it or adapting it the way you did, or
even for not choosing it!
Many people following their fantasies
attach special meanings to the shape and form of the rings, but this is
strictly personal and sentimental. Charles Lewis Tiffany design engagement ring
which suspends the diamond high above the band, he knew the importance of a
diamond engagement ring and wished for a stage to display its prominence and
symbolism. To me a band with the suspended diamond on top of it means a budding
love against that of the wedding which is, according to my view, show and
symbolizes and unending love.
A
marriage is many things, one piece of which is symbols.
Engagement ring, to me is one of
such many symbols one should treasure!
[1]
Engagement, Merriam-Webster and thesaurus, Encyclopedia
Britannica 2012
[2]
“Engagement Ring” http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Engagement_ring
accessed on 26th of August 26, 2013, 8:25am
[3] Ibid.
[4]
“pre-engagement ring” http://en.m.wikipedia.org/Pre-engagement_ring
accessed on 26th of August 26, 2013, 10:30am
[5]
“Engagement Ring” http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Engagement_ring
accessed on 26th of August 26, 2013, 8:25am
[6]
“tradition of engagement” http://theredhairing.tumblr.com/post/36654343905/a-brief-history-on-engagement-rings-tradition-and
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