7 SIGNS IF THE ONE YOU LOVE LOVES YOU BACK

7 SIGNS IF THE ONE YOU LOVE LOVES YOU BACK

 

 

 

 

1)    They make time for you

Jobs, commutes, errands, bills, responsibilities, obligations… we all have lots of things going on. But here’s the harsh reality: Someone who is truly interested in you will find an endless number of reasons why they must see you. Someone who is just playing around—or confused about their own feelings—will find an endless number of excuses why they just don’t have the time.

2)    They treat you as valuable

Someone who cares about you will go the extra mile to show you through actions… not just words. And they will keep showing you long after the dating phase of your relationship is over. They pay attention to the things that matter to you, value the things you do, and reciprocate consistently.

3)    They don’t allow too much time to pass without seeing you.

They definitely have their own life and their own individuality, but they want spend time with you — and not just in the bedroom. And in a long distance relationship, they will carve out time to talk or video chat, as well as planning in-person time as both of your schedules allow. Major holidays should be together, as well.

4)    They support what’s important to you.

Someone who loves you cares about things you are passionate about. They encourage you to do things you love, even if it means you are doing those things and activities without them. They want you to spend time with family and friends, and then truly enjoy hearing you recount your activities. They encourage you to find and embrace activities that bring out your talents and your passions—and they aren’t threatened by the time you spend away from them, or any/all success you achieve while doing it.

5)    They want people to know.

They might not want full-on PDAs, but hand-holding and affection is effortless. They are grateful and proud that you are in their life, and want others to know about you. You have met their family and friends, and they bring you to functions that involve both (as appropriate).

6)    They make you a priority.

When making plans or decisions, they consider your wants and needs, and make sure your feelings are considered, even if they aren’t around you, they are thinking of you — maybe sending you little text messages. They make a consistent effort to stay in-contact throughout the day (as schedules allow).

7)    They give you their honesty.

They follow-through on what they say, and they will tell you honestly and openly if they can’t. They are open about their past, and they accept yours without judgment. When issues come up, they are willing to work through them. They recognize that they aren’t perfect, and they don’t expect you to be, either.

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The bottom line

Saying “I love you” is one thing… but actions speak volumes, and what they DO—with you, for you, and around you—needs to back up their words. The bottom line: If they love you, you’ll know it… you’ll feel it. If they don’t, you’ll wonder all the time if they do.

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This article originally appeared on The Problem Is Men.

 





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LOVE LESS!

The secret of happiness, you see, is not found in seeking more, but in developing the capacity to enjoy less.” - Socrates

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In that one little line, Socrates summed up one of the major problems with our modern society, and offered a simple solution.

Pretty brilliant, I’d say.

In fact, he negated the need for me to write more, but stubborn as I am, I will proceed. I’d like to talk about this capacity to enjoy less.

Is it difficult to enjoy less? No, not really, but it takes a change in mindset, which as with many such changes takes time and adaptation.

If you enjoy chocolate ice cream, as I do, when confronted with a tub of it would you also enjoy eating as much of the tub as possible? I know that’s what many of us do when faced with delicious food.

But what if you learned to enjoy just a few bites of the ice cream? And with each bite, savor the flavor, the coldness, the creaminess, the chocolatiness. (Yes, that’s a word, spell-checker – I made it up.)

If you love clothes, instead of buying more and more each weekend, can you learn to cull your wardrobe into a few qualities, beautiful pieces that you can wear often, and enjoy more?

The same applies with anything we love … including online reading and communicating (email, Twitter, Facebook, forums). We often seem obsessed with more of it. But instead, consider reading just the quality stuff, and if a blog or Twitter feed doesn’t deliver quality consistently, consider dropping it. 

Learn to love less television, movies, chatter, spending, shopping, and eating out, junk food, technology, consumption, productivity. You get the idea.

When you focus on enjoying less, you focus on full enjoyment. You learn to be content with little, and when you do that, a life of happiness is at your disposal.

The only limit to your happiness, then, is how much you can learn to enjoy less.

This post originally appeared at mnmlist.com

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How To Keep Yourself From Cheating

How To Keep Yourself From Cheating

If you are looking for an out, then that needs to be addressed. Whether you go to couples counseling, or have a good series of conversations with your partner, cheating is the coward’s way out of a relationship. Yes, it’s appealing. Yes it will give you leverage on yourself to end the relationship. But you will hurt your self-esteem, sense of integrity, and your partner greatly in the process. It’s never worth it.

Try the following five steps if you want to keep yourself from cheating.

1. Look Inward

Cheating is almost always about unmet emotional needs. 

Ask yourself, “What do I actually need right now?”

Cheating (or being a ‘cheater’) is not a disease… it is a symptom. It is something that comes up in your mind as an option when other needs have not been met, or you have convinced yourself that they have not been met.

Do you feel like you need your attractiveness validated to you?

Do you need to feel desired more?

Do you feel like you’ve been emotionally disconnected from your partner for too long and you’re frustrated by your residual feeling of neglect?

After identifying the root emotional issue, ask yourself “Is there any way I can give myself this same emotional benefit, or is there a way I can bring this up with my partner first?”

Dig into what you’re actually looking for, and what you actively need on an emotional level.

2. Are You Just Seeking Stimulation?

Maybe you’re a thrill seeker and you haven’t had anyone throw any gasoline on your fire lately.

Maybe your relationship has become too boring, bland, and predictable.

Do you feel unattractive and need to give yourself more self-love?

Do you feel uncared for?

Do you feel under-stimulated in your career or day to day life and you’re just looking for an exciting outlet?

You are certainly within your rights to want to feel excited, loved, and full within your relationship. So if you don’t feel any of these things, either find a way to incorporate those feelings into your life or ask your partner for them.

3. Talk About It

Thoughts are a lot more powerful than they need to be when they start and end inside of us. Even talking about it to a coach, therapist, or close trusted friend is better than nothing. Try viewing opening your mouth to let your honest words flow out as the lid being taken off of a boiling pot of water to let the steam out. Your words are merely a stream of emotion that deserve to be let out. Even if you don’t know what you would say, reach out to someone who is trustworthy and confidential to either get a second opinion, or just let the words flow.

4. Take An Honest Look At Your Sex Life

Your sex life is a microcosm of how your entire relationship is going. 

Does one of you invest a lot more than the other?

Are the sexual acts that are carried out very one-directional (where one of you gets all of the attention and the other is regularly neglected)?

Or maybe you have mismatched libidos and you haven’t yet found a way (or even discussed a way) to find a sexual equilibrium.

Similar to a lot of the points in this article, this boils down to – Are you truly asking for what you need, or just silently suffering?

5. Remind Yourself Why You Entered The Relationship

And not just in the ‘remember what you like about your partner’ kind of way. You entered into this relationship because you decided that committing to this one person was going to allow you to feel more comfort, security, and companionship compared to hooking up with new people every week.

Yes, if you are in a monogamous relationship, you may feel the need to grieve the loss of your single life. But everything worth something takes sacrifice. Like a long-term stock portfolio, your relationship only increases in value over time. Except, instead of extra cash-flow, your dividends are connectedness and emotional fulfillment (which have been proven to make you happier than money anyways).

 

Is Cheating Ever The Answer?

One of my friends’ fathers once told me that:

“Sex with someone new is always the same, but sex with the same person is always different.”

And while the idea of cheating might seem exciting for a short while, you know deep down that it will only hurt you and your partner indefinitely.

Written by Jordan Gray

(edited)

 




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Signs That You’re Thinking About Cheating!

Signs That You’re Thinking About Cheating

You need two things in place in order to cheat: you need some kind of emotional distance from your intimate partner, and you need an action plan of how you would potentially carry out the infidelity.

Emotional Distancing

In order to get more emotional distance, your thoughts will likely transition from gratitude and appreciation of your partner to round the clock internal criticism and external bickering (“Is that the best they can do?”). You will see them as less valuable and less attractive as your mental frequency tunes into a new, poisonous radio station… one that finds fault in everything that they do.

Sure they washed the dishes, but they loaded the dishwasher in the way that you hate.

Sure they made a dinner reservation for your date night, but they booked the same place that you’ve gone to for your last three date nights. Could they be any more predictable?

Sure they still find you sexually desirable and try to initiate sex with you regularly… but do they have to do it in the same old routine? How boring!

Can they do anything right? Yes, they can. And they have been doing things right. They’ve been doing things right for a long time. But currently, you are unwilling to see it. You don’t need to make yourself wrong for having these thoughts… but it is good to recognize that you are having these thoughts so you can drive a wedge into them to stop yourself from carrying out something that will hurt your partner and yourself more than you can imagine.

 

Action Plan 
Cheating is almost never an “it just sort of happened” type of situation. It’s largely premeditated and has usually been on the mind of the cheater for a while before it actually happens. Here are a few signs that you might be laying down bricks on your path to cheating.

     a.)  Fantasizing

Do you find yourself fantasizing about the rush of acting out your desires? Have you thought about how exciting it would be to reach out to someone you find attractive, or to book a hotel room for a night and rendezvous with someone new?

While it’s totally healthy and normal to casually glance at people that you find attractive on the street but if you find yourself escalating potential scenarios in your mind on repeat then you might want to pay close attention to your thoughts.

Just like Gustav Eiffel created the blueprints for the Eiffel tower before it was built in the real world, everything that comes to fruition in your life happens first in your mind.

      b.) Contacting Former Lovers

Flirtatious friendships can take a questionable turn if your defences are already feeling low and you’re seeking stimulation outside of your relationship.

If you find yourself adding your former flings on Facebook, or heavily stalking the ones that you’re already digital connected to (“Are they married yet? Are they dating anyone right now? Do they look happy? Should I message them just to catch up?”), then this could be a red flag.

Emotional cheating is just as damaging as getting physically involved with someone – even more so in the minds of a lot of people.

So if you find yourself moving from thoughts to actions by reaching out to former lovers, then you should stop yourself dead in your tracks as soon as possible.

      c.)   You’re Looking For Crutch Hookups

A lot of the time people cheat on their significant others because they feel like their relationship is doomed and they’re looking for a way out. I call these crutch hookups. It’s looking for or starting a new relationship with someone else while you are still in a relationship because you perceive the relationship won’t work, so you jump ship before the relationship ends. It’s that extra leverage point that tells you “Now that I made out with this other person, I HAVE to end the relationship.”

And while there’s nothing wrong with a relationship needing to end because you feel like you’ve grown apart, cheating your way out does a lot more damage than earning your way out.

Instead of using a crutch hookup, deploy some courage and have a real conversation with your partner. Your partner deserves to know if you’ve emotionally checked out of the relationship.

Relationships end. People grow apart. That doesn’t need to be avoided. But end the relationship like a grown up by talking it out and leaving on relatively good terms.

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5 LESSONS FROM ARRANGED MARRIAGE

Here are 5 lessons I took away from interviewing a couple with arranged Marriage. Don’t just read them… apply them. It could transform your relationship.

1. Fighting is overrated

When you fight dirty in a relationship you surrender control of your behavior to your circumstances and your emotions. You become a victim to life, and victims forfeit any ability to choose love, peace, or kindness.

Emotionally intelligent couples take ownership of their thoughts, feelings, actions and moods. They don’t blame other people for how they act or how they feel. And when they do feel strong emotions, they have the fortitude to avoid acting impulsively and instead act with kindness.

Also they know that whatever the quarrel/misunderstanding they have they have to settle it 'cos there is no going back... it's more than them!

2. Loving your in-laws is important

One of the most common sources of contention in a committed relationship is the in-laws. Respecting and balancing the needs, wants, and traditions of two (and sometimes more) sets of parents can get really complicated really fast.

They (especially the woman) understood that creating a positive and loving relationship with their new parents would only create more freedom and connection for their family in the future.

Become friends with your in-laws. The more they love you the less threatened they will be that you’re stealing their baby away from them, and the more understanding they will be when conflicts arise in the future.

3. You’re happiest when the person you love is happiest

I know it’s cliché to say, but it seems to be consistently true for every couple I’ve interviewed… when you live as if the happiness of your partner is a priority over your own, you will find incredible joy and satisfaction.

When you go into a relationship thinking only of what you can get out of it, the relationship will not work. The trick to experiencing satisfaction in a relationship is to give up worrying about what you’ll get out of it, and instead worry about what you can put into it.

How can you be the greatest contributor of peace, happiness, excitement, and fun in your partner’s life? Seriously… ask yourself that question, and then take action.

Love isn’t love if it’s only given with expectation of reciprocation.

4. Complimentary vs. Compatibility

Compatibility is overrated. We put so much emphasis on having common interests, hobbies, and beliefs. To be honest, it isn’t all it’s cracked up to be… at least not for everyone.

Rather than searching for someone who has everything in common with you, why not consider appreciating someone who brings you balance and pushes you to experience the world in a new way? It’s good to have someone in the house who is great with finances, or an amazing chef, or can fix anything with a little wire and duct tape, or who brings a sense of humor to the table… especially if the other person lacks those strengths.

It’s fun to have things in common, but it’s vital to appreciate and value your partner for their differences.

5. Change means you get to fall in love all over again

People change. It’s a fact of life.

You (and the ones you love) are constantly influenced by your experiences, your community, your choices, and your circumstances. You are never the same today as you were yesterday.

To some this is a scary prospect.

“What if we grow apart?”

“What it life takes us down different paths?”

“What if things change?”

It is nearly impossible for fear and love to coexist.

Rather than fear change, embrace it. Without change, love stagnates. Look at it as an opportunity to fall in love with a new version of the same person over and over again.

This article originally appeared on Loveumentary

 




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