HOW I KNEW SHE IS FOR ME...

Six months from now I will be a married man. I figured I would start sharing my progress toward Mr. Olu. Thomas Alabi status, so this is the first in a series of posts around this journey.

 

Some of you have all either already passed it, some are on your way, too, and some of you see it in the horizon. For everyone else who wants to go the George Clooney route, good on you. Please consider this a National Geographic documentary on the To- be-wed tribe. My fiancee and I have been courting for over three years. In those three years we’ve had our share of challenges. What has made us different from some of my previous relationships, and some of the relationships I see around us, is that we don’t let things fester. This is key.

 

Whenever a couple encounters a problem, a big question mark, or unease they have the option of doing something about it or not. Most couples don’t do anything. They let it sit. They avoid having that tough conversation which may or may not end well. They let it fester, so it grows into something larger. It grows into a pulsating, hairy, loud and messy thing. We’re different.

 

 When we recognize the hairy issue we decide to talk about it. There’s risk in that, right? You never know if this will be the thing that breaks everything. These are also the conversations that are hardest to prepare for. But we have believe it will be hairier then than it is now, and so we deal with it now. While we approach the hairy beast with care and tact—meanness never got anybody anywhere good—we still act on it. Otherwise our relationship could turn into one of those zombies where everything is “fine” even though it’s not; the relationship exists but it’s not exactly alive. Those zombie relationships walk around, moving as if a living thing, but not quite. By taking this approach we’ve become stronger and more in-tune to what the other person is feeling and needs.

 

When she and I first agreed to never let things fester, I knew that I wanted to marry her.

 

I’ve talked to most of my currently married friends about this. I ask them, When did you know? What has struck me is how different everybody’s moment or moments are. Some remember a feeling, others remember a conversation or an incident. Those wide range of moments do have something in common. They are when we recognized the difference between our life with her and our life without her. If the former is inspiring and the latter is unbearable, that’s when you know. Here’s to that moment.

Your views are most welcome...