HOW YOU CAN BE SURE YOUR PARTNER LOVE YOU IN RETURN

A love relationship is never establish until the two love each-other and reciprocate the love in WORDS AND DEEDS - Olu.Thomas

 

This is a beautiful love story you will love to experience.

 

A very poor man lived with his wife. One day, his wife, who had very long hair asked him to buy her a comb for her hair to grow well and to be well-groomed. The man felt very sorry and said no. He explained that he did not even have enough money to fix the strap of his watch he had just broken. She did not insist on her request. The man went to work and passed by a watch shop, sold his damaged watch at a low price and went to buy a comb for his wife.

 

He came home in the evening with the comb in his hand ready to give to his wife. He was surprised when he saw his wife with a very short hair cut. She had sold her hair and was holding a new watch band. Tears flowed simultaneously from their eyes, not for the futility of their actions, but for the reciprocity of their love.

 You Know love by how much and worthwhile love you receive in return. you shouldn't demand for response, love will always respond to love naturally. even mad people can identify love and respond appropriately, with LOVE!

MORAL:

To love is nothing,

To be loved is something but

To love and to be loved by the one you love is EVERYTHING.

 

Never take love for granted.

from shared status by Qris Daramola

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HOW I KNEW SHE IS FOR ME...

Six months from now I will be a married man. I figured I would start sharing my progress toward Mr. Olu. Thomas Alabi status, so this is the first in a series of posts around this journey.

 

Some of you have all either already passed it, some are on your way, too, and some of you see it in the horizon. For everyone else who wants to go the George Clooney route, good on you. Please consider this a National Geographic documentary on the To- be-wed tribe. My fiancee and I have been courting for over three years. In those three years we’ve had our share of challenges. What has made us different from some of my previous relationships, and some of the relationships I see around us, is that we don’t let things fester. This is key.

 

Whenever a couple encounters a problem, a big question mark, or unease they have the option of doing something about it or not. Most couples don’t do anything. They let it sit. They avoid having that tough conversation which may or may not end well. They let it fester, so it grows into something larger. It grows into a pulsating, hairy, loud and messy thing. We’re different.

 

 When we recognize the hairy issue we decide to talk about it. There’s risk in that, right? You never know if this will be the thing that breaks everything. These are also the conversations that are hardest to prepare for. But we have believe it will be hairier then than it is now, and so we deal with it now. While we approach the hairy beast with care and tact—meanness never got anybody anywhere good—we still act on it. Otherwise our relationship could turn into one of those zombies where everything is “fine” even though it’s not; the relationship exists but it’s not exactly alive. Those zombie relationships walk around, moving as if a living thing, but not quite. By taking this approach we’ve become stronger and more in-tune to what the other person is feeling and needs.

 

When she and I first agreed to never let things fester, I knew that I wanted to marry her.

 

I’ve talked to most of my currently married friends about this. I ask them, When did you know? What has struck me is how different everybody’s moment or moments are. Some remember a feeling, others remember a conversation or an incident. Those wide range of moments do have something in common. They are when we recognized the difference between our life with her and our life without her. If the former is inspiring and the latter is unbearable, that’s when you know. Here’s to that moment.

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THE PRINCIPAL REASONS YOU WILL NOT GET AN APPROPRIATE MARRIAGE PARTNER

The two principal reasons an individual cannot find an appropriate marriage partner. The two reasons overlap.

 

1. In order to meet and date someone it is necessary to go to places where such an encounter is possible. Most important, it is necessary to be optimistic about wanting to meet someone. It is not an embarrassment and does not portray desperation. It is a normal way to feel; and others will understand that feeling and, indeed feel that way themselves. Someone who does not invite interest will seem not to want to meet anyone. It is not possible to be “neutral” and wait for someone, somehow, like the movies, to meet and fall in love on a street corner.

 

Like any other human endeavor, meeting and marrying becomes much more like if someone is pro-active—if that person plainly wants to meet someone and is willing to work at it. The feeling of “That’s just not me evaporates, like any other old ha of mind. Doing something that is anxiety-provoking for any reason loses its ability to intimidate over time.

 

2. Most people regard marriage as liberating, although they may not stop to think of it in just that way. Once someone is married, he/she is free to be with an interesting person practically all the time. They are available to speak and laugh together at all hours. They can have sex without making elaborate preparations. They are free to manage in a world that is largely designed for couples, rather than for single people. They have more economic opportunities because their joint income is more than that of either of them alone. And, above all, they are free to have children.

 

 

Marriage is in a real way liberating. But not everyone sees it that way. For some people, marriage seems as if it will be a constraint. A woman thinks that she will now be subject to the whims and demands of a husband. The men say something similar: “I don’t want to have to answer to someone all the time. I don’t want to ask for permission to buy the car I want or to stay out late with my friends. I don’t want someone making a claim on my hard-earned money. I don’t want someone taking up all of the bed!”

 

If a man or woman thinks of marriage as unpleasant, it will not be possible to find anyone desirable to marry. In short, some people have trouble finding a marriage partner because they find the process of looking or searching uncomfortable, and even demeaning. And others really do not want to get married; they want to maintain a fiction of aspiring to marriage; but it is only a fiction.

 

Not everyone should be married, but I think it is easier for married people to be happy.The two problems described above that prevent marriage are an outgrowth of certain inaccurate ideas some people have developed about themselves and about the world. Often, these misconceptions change in psychotherapy; and, luckily, people do not have to change very much to change their lives. If people can be persuaded not to be proud and not to be fearful, there are plenty of opportunities to find someone to share their lives.

(c) Fredric Neuman


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FALLING IN LOVE IS THE MOST SELFISH THING YOU DO!

Is falling in love a magical, supernatural thing?

Or, is it actually just an eons old function of human survival?

Paul Hudson ponders in this piece.

I’d like to say that every person in the world who isn’t already with someone is surely looking for someone. Of course, there are those who have lost someone, who refuse to look for someone new or those who have given up on the search altogether. However, deep down I believe that, fundamentally even, we all want to share our lives with another person.

 

There is something about finding that one individual to love that gives life a special meaning. The compassion, the intimacy, the understanding that comes with finding the right person to spend your life with is unique – there really is no substitute for it. There is one misconception that I do need to address.

 

While the experience of love is unique from all other experiences, the person whom we love isn’t. Not in the sense that this person isn’t a unique individual, but in the sense that he or she is the only person whom you could possibly love. The concept of romantic love is usually intertwined with this belief that we have a single soul mate in the world who can fill the hole we know we have – our other, better half. Mathematically speaking, this isn’t sound. The world’s population has increased dramatically over the last few centuries, so if you are keen on the belief that soul mates do exist, then these souls are either cloned or divided amongst those who are living. If you believe in soul mates then you have to believe in there being multiple soul mates out there waiting for you.

 

But avoiding this conversation and the conversation that would follow were we to consider the possibility of the creation of new souls, let’s consider what it physically takes to love someone. Here’s something that will surely upset some of you: Loving is not a completely selfless act. Many of you will argue the opposite – but I’m not surprised; romantic love, the way we know it, is an invention. It’s an unrealistic creation depicting perfection. The problem is that we aren’t perfect and neither is love.

 

 

The idea that to love means to be utterly selfless is a joke. Human beings are never completely selfless because it goes against our nature. We have evolved to survive, which necessitates us looking out for ourselves first and foremost. How do you know you love someone? When you want him or her.

 

To love is to want to own. Of course we can never actually own someone, and for this reason, love is very complicated. We want someone whom we can never fully have, so we have him or her in every way that we possibly can. We want to spend time with this person. We want to be intimate with him and her. We want to know his or her thoughts, history, beliefs, the way he or she sees the world. We want to become a part of this person and we want this person to be a part of us. We want to give the people in our lives things because by giving them something we are becoming a part of their lives and therefore owning a piece of their history in the only way one can own such a thing. 

 

To love is to crave to the extreme – it’s a hunger that we hope we can never fully satisfy. As you may have noticed, all that I have mentioned thus far revolves around you as the lover. The fact is that you are all that really matters in the equation.

 

You perceive a person’s actions and allow your imagination to fill in the information that isn’t allotted to you. You decide (for the most part) what things about an individual you like and what things repulse you, deter you from loving him or her. Your mind is filled with thoughts, beliefs and lots of opinions. We have opinions about everything and anything that we come into contact with that we deem as important.

 

What those opinions are is what not only decides whom you will love, but also for how long you will love him or her. Do you really love a person or do you simply love things about that person – traits and characteristics? A better question would be: Is there really any distinction between the two?

 

People are to us what they show us. We know people for what they do and say, for what they tell us and share with us, for how they treat us and treat others. There isn’t some sort of human essence that we see that we fall in love with – we fall in love with the only things that we can fall in love with: the things that affect our senses.

 

Is there some sixth sense that no one has yet been able to uncover? Maybe. But until it is discovered it’s best that you work with the knowledge that you know to be true. We know that we love people for the way they look and act. Why is that not enough?

 

What more do we want or expect that would make love any more beautiful than it already is? You love a person because the way that you interpret that person, you find to be beautiful. You find him or her to be beautiful people and, because you are an egocentric being, you want that beauty for yourself. You want to take part in that beauty in the only way that you can: by making that person a part of your life.

 

I find that to be beautiful. What this does mean, however, is that our interpretations may not always be correct. We may interpret incorrectly and or view them incorrectly based on our perception of them. Also our interpretations may and often do change over time (reason I support waiting till after twenty years of age before you start thinking on who to marriage because our part of brain don't fully get developed until then). We call this falling out of love. While falling in love may not entirely depend on you and the way you perceive people, it mostly does.

 

Our minds can interpret things in countless ways. If you can learn to have better control of those interpretations then all you need to hope is that the person you meet or the person whom you have been loving doesn’t stray too far from the outline that you’ve created of him or her. If that does turn out to be the case then you can happily try to own them until the day you die.

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LOOKS DONT HOOK ME...

As time progresses, generations seem to only become more superficial. Every other week we hear about some new fad diet, juice cleanse or skincare treatment. It’s completely acceptable for people to want to take care of themselves, as your outward appearance is a reflection of your own self-image. However, if you start getting carried away with the value you attest to the way people look, you may easily get caught up in a gilded lifestyle. This infatuation with looks and outward appearances is the start of a slippery slope, where Generation-Y may start to hold looks and extrinsic superficiality to a higher degree than what really counts, and for that matter, lasts: what’s on the inside.

 

All too often I see guys fawning over women who have nothing to offer aside from their good looks. They jump through hoops as they try to impress these women. They buy them drinks, take them out to dinners and shower them with attention. They pursue these facades of beauty in hopes that they will bolster their own egos and self- worth. They want to show off their latest conquest to all their friends, and they want to be held in high regard because they managed to pull the illustrious, size-zero model. But what does it all mean when a guy tries to fill this void with hollow hopes and empty optimism? One of the worst things you can do is blind yourself to the truth and idealize a woman simply because she’s hot.

 

For example, you see a hot girl at a bar, you approach her and start talking to her. She reciprocates your kindness and you start having a conversation. You gaze deeply into her eyes with half your attention on the content she’s saying, and the other half on thoughts of how great you’d feel if you brought her home. As things move forward, you start to convince yourself that she has a lot going for her. You award high praise to minor accomplishments. You find out more about her, and as the relationship progresses you tell her more about yourself. Maybe somewhere along the line she tells you a few things about herself that would normally be off-putting, but you’re so starry-eyed over her shimmering blonde hair and glistening blue eyes that you look past the red flags and play up her positive attributes in your head. You push these red flags out of your field of vision and you selectively focus on what you think could potentially make her special. You no longer see the girl for who she is, but rather, who you want her to be. You start to create an illusion for yourself where the girl is someone she’s not. Once you’ve gotten to this point, it’s all down hill from there.

 

If your goal right now is to fuck as many girls as possible, then by all means, stop reading this and carry on. This article isn’t for you. However, if your goal is to develop something a little more meaningful than what you have with your 1 am booty call, your garden-variety one- night stand or your right hand, you need to develop some criteria for women that goes far beyond their hair color and skin tone. You need a basis on which you toss up red flags; one that goes beyond “she’s too hard-to-get” or “she’s not blonde.” Most importantly, you need to take the models off the pedestal and start seeing people for who they really are, not who they appear to be.

 

Before you get heavily invested in any relationship, take a second to step back and analyze why you want to continue moving forward. Think about who you are as a person and what type of friends you hold closely. Think about the values and ideals you hold at your core, and think about the direction you really want to move in your life. Develop your own set of definitive criteria by which you gauge potential relationships.

 

If your primary concern is finding a girl who’d make a hot trophy wife, you’re likely to end up with hefty bills from Saks Fifth Avenue, plastic surgeries and potentially later on down the line, divorce attorneys. But, if you concern yourself with true happiness and pay attention to the innermost lasting qualities women have to offer, you’ll be setting yourself up for a lot less headaches.

 

I’m not going to sit here and tell you that a woman’s looks don’t matter to me — they do. What I’m saying is that looks should not take precedence over personality. One of my biggest goals in life is to find a woman who is as beautiful on the inside as she is on the outside. I realize that’s a tall order, but I also realize that most things in life that are worth having won’t be easily attainable. Don’t settle for someone who is one-dimensional; don’t settle for someone who doesn’t meet your standards.

 

Most importantly, don’t fill in the blanks for a girl’s personality just because you think she’s hot. Always remember that outer beauty is a depreciating asset. If you spend all your time and efforts chasing superficial beauty that isn’t backed by substantial personality, you’re really just chasing an empty shell of a person. Life is too damn short to waste your time with people who just don’t have any substance behind their looks.

Written by Austin Pourmoussa originally appeared in Elite Daily



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