Here are 8 common ways we unwittingly ruin love:
1. Skim over past pain. This one is a
biggie. Once we pass the age of 16,
the likelihood of experiencing hurt,
disappointment, or betrayed is
100%. Not taking the time to feel the
pain from our past keeps it alive and
present in the here and now. We
may love the one we’re with, but we
also project all over them. When we
have old pain that hasn’t been
processed, we carry it into our
current relationship. You can’t skim
over or positive think your way out
of emotional pain, and when we try
to stuff our emotions, we’ll find a
way to make our current partner pay
for the past sins of others because
pain wants to be processed. Take
care of your past so your present can
be happy.
2. Over think everything.
Remember the phrase paralysis by
analysis? Over thinking and over
analyzing someone’s every word,
move or intention kills any chance of
intimacy or connection. Worrying
and trying to figure out someone’s
intention versus taking them at face
value is a sign of emotionally
operating from the past in an effort
to stay safe in the present. It’s hyper
vigilance at it’s best and that best,
brings out your worst. Even if your
current lover has hurt you in the
past, expecting them to hurt you
again almost guarantees they will
because you’re hyper sensitive
versus relaxed and present.
Remember, we see what we expect
to see — stay in the now moment.
3. Protect yourself emotionally.
Keeping one foot out emotionally to
protect yourself just in case things
don’t work out is like trying to
consistently drive 65 mph while
tapping your brake every other
minute. You’re not going to get
anywhere in love by holding back.
Sure, respect your own boundaries,
but remember falling in love is just
that—freely falling. Too often we
experience hurt and never really let
go again. Take your foot off the brake
and trust.
4. Confuse drama-free with
complacency. We all agree that a
drama filled relationship is bad,
while feeling a sense of safety in
love is good—right? Unfortunately it
becomes easy to fall into
complacency when we’re not feeling
mentally challenged or aware of any
need to be on our toes. There’s a
place of balance between safety and
complacency. Taking for granted that
you have someone forever, and
forgetting to turn on the charm and
attention you give towards others,
fosters feelings of complacency,
boredom and being taken for
granted. It takes two to do the hot
passionate dance of tango, don’t
drop your partner’s hand and expect
them to keep dancing for you.
5. Stop making eye contact. Eyes
are the windows to the soul. Let’s
face it, life is busy and over time it
becomes a little too easy to navigate
getting out of the house in the
morning without even making eye
contact with the one we love. It may
sound small, but eye contact is
intimate. Intimacy in the bedroom
starts with intimate contact
throughout the day. Look at one
another.
6. Assume you know your partner
inside and out. Even if you met at
birth, spent every day together and
have talked for hours, there is no
way to know everything about
another human being. We are all
individuals with individual thoughts,
perceptions, and emotional
experiences. People change over
time, so don’t assume that your
partner’s hopes, dreams and desires
haven’t — continue to get to know
your partner as though you don’t,
because the truth is, it’s not possible
to know everything about another
no matter how long you’ve been
together.
7. Forget that the past does not
equal the future. Whether you’ve
been hurt by another or hurt by your
current partner, remaining in the
present moment is non negotiable
when it comes to love. The past does
not equal the future. It never has and
it never will. Have a relationship
with the person in front of you now,
not the ghost from yesterday.
8. Stop touching. The two largest
influences on our sex drive come
from our skin and our brain.
Relationships are hot in the
beginning because we’re touching
and kissing, as well as talking and
questioning one another—
constantly. Stimulating the brain got
covered in #6 above, so lets move on
to touching. As time goes by, too
many couples get lazy about
touching for no particular reason.
When we touch the one we love, the
hormone oxytocin is produced and
provides a huge opportunity for
connection. Oxytocin is one hell of a
powerful love drug. Talking
stimulates the brain, while touching
stimulates everything else. Touch
one another a lot.
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| Draining the Love Juice? |
Ultimately, these eight ways are, in
essence, ways we block the flow of
love that is already here. Or, in the
poetic words of Rumi, “Your task is
not to seek for love, but merely to
seek and find all the barriers within
yourself that you have built against
it.”
culled from http://www.goodmenproject.com/
WARNING: #4,5 & 8 ARE STRICTLY ABOUT MARRIED COUPLES!
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