DATING: Before The Game Start Again! (2)

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Continued from part 1…

Watch Your Attitude

You know who is pretty much always unattractive? Captain Negativity!

You know the guy: the one who’s pissed off and bitter about everything. Give him a moment and he’ll talk your ear off about how life sucks and everything’s unfair, how women are cruel because they won’t give him a chance and it’s all about those 20% of guys who get to fuck 80% of the women and everyone else is just screwed man. He’s the one who’s the first to complain about his dating life and then turn right around and get angry when you try to help him fix it. Everything’s too hard, or too arbitrary or too something and there’s no point in trying to fix it because reasons and also misandry so there.

Can’t imagine why they don’t have women lined up around the block, huh?

Dating is about 10% looks, 20% skill and 70% attitude.

Your attitude is, hands down, the biggest indicator of whether or not you’ll succeed in dating. A positive attitude goes a very long way towards helping you improve, and makes people want to hang around you more. A negative attitude helps ensure failure by creating a self-fulfilling prophecy and ensures that people will avoid you. See, studies have found that emotions are contagious; the moods of the people around us affect how we feel. We like positive, friendly, optimistic people because they make us feel good too. On the flip-side, we try to avoid negative, unhappy people because they drag us down with them.

Your attitude will make or break you, no matter how good looking you are or how superficially charming you may be. No matter how hot somebody is, nobody is going to put up with their shit for very long if all they do is moan and cry and complain.

Don’t get me wrong: nobody is saying you can’t be frustrated or confused or upset or that you have to be a complete Pollyanna in order to make dating easier. But people respond to your attitude, and a bitter, resentful outlook on life is going to push even the most determined of individuals away.

Keep It In Perspective

One of the issues I see come up when people are trying to get better at dating is that they get tunnel vision. This happens all the time in the pick-up scene; their entire life is about being a PUA. Everything they do revolve around trying to pick up women. It’s all they talk about with their friends. It’s all they read about. It’s all they think about. Just about every waking moment in their lives is focused on getting women to fuck them. And you know what? Despite focusing their entire lives on the subject of getting laid they weren’t doing all that well.

It happens in regular people too. They’ve become so determined to find a girlfriend that it becomes all they talk about, all they think about… and that’s a problem.

It’s easy an easy trap to fall into. On the surface, it feels like you’re throwing yourself into it, as though you were trying to train like an Olympic athlete. But what you end up doing is retarding your own progress. Devoting time and energy to practice is good – it’s a vital way to improve any skill and dating is a skill — but there comes a point when you’re overdoing it… on just about every level.

I realize this is an odd thing for a dating coach to say but: dating isn’t the most important thing in the world. In fact, when you’re putting your entire focus on your dating life then you’re actually doing yourself a massive disservice.

I mean, sure, you’re here because you’re trying to date better…

…but rather than making dating easier, making getting better at dating the center of your universe actually makes it harder.

It is possible you end up getting in your own way, and people who don’t keep things in perspective tend to do just that.

So how do you avoid this problem? Well… by not focusing so goddamned hard. See, getting better at dating is a holistic practice. If you want to get better at dating, you want to be a better person and that means leading an interesting, fulfilling and well rounded life. Getting more involved in your life as a whole makes dating easier because it makes you a more interesting person.

Dating and relationships are a part of life, not the entirety of it.

Take A Break

Sometimes the most important part of trying to get better at dating is to stop.

It can be easy to get frustrated, especially when you’re constantly working at it. Practice is all well and good but you need time off to recover; in fact, if you’re not taking any time off from practice then you’re actually not going to improve. You need time to process what you’ve learned, to recoup your mental and emotional energy.

This is doubly true if you’re having problems with your dating life. When you’re experiencing nothing but failure again and again and again, throwing yourself back into the pit is going to shred your ego and destroy your confidence. Take yourself out of the game for a little while. Stop focusing on dating, and everything related to your love life and just be for a while. Sometimes you need to take a step outside of the dating world and practice a little self-indulgence for a while.

Taking a break lets you relax and gain some much needed perspective. It lets all of those emotional muscles unclench and loosen up while you put your focus elsewhere. It frees up emotional and mental bandwidth that you can devote to other aspects of your life, allowing you to re-prioritize and work on yourself a little. Taking that time off helps you improve. A little vacation from your dating woes means when you do come back, you’ll be feeling tanned, rested and ready to give the old town a wedgie again.

But most importantly, that break can make dating easier on you. It lets you rebuild your ego and restores your confidence. The best way to make dating easier is to make it easier on you.

Written by Dr. Nerdlove

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