You begin to have a much greater
appreciation of someone’s depth.
In your late teens and early 20’s, there is a lot of emphasis on going out and
having a good time. College, after college, Thirsty Thursdays, all that (a lot
of) people really focus on is getting through their week and having some fun
along the way. With this general fleeting attitude comes the same perspective
on dating—it is what it is. Find someone you’re attracted to who enjoys going
the same places as you and likes being around the same people, and you’re a
couple.
As
we get older, we begin to realize the importance of having someone who complements
us accordingly, someone who we can build a real deep emotional connection with.
The desire to find someone we can go out and have a good time with gives way to
the desire to find someone who we cannot go out and have a good time with. Real,
live, co-existing adults.
You have a much lower tolerance for
nonsense.
Mind
games, drama, whatever you want to call it—when we are in our earlier 20’s I
think a lot of us have a much greater tolerance for this kind of instability.
Maybe it comes along with being a little less serious about life in
general—which of course is replaced by real goals and ambitions as we get
older, Goals and ambitions that we do not want sidetracked by somebody who will
drag us down.
We
begin to recognize red flags much earlier on and know when to cut ties.
You are generally more comfortable being
single.
When
we are younger, everyone around us is hooking up with someone or dating someone
or spending time with someone and there is some more pressure to be doing the
same. I think as we get older, our focus shifts to building our own
lives—working towards personal and professional accomplishments, and
understanding the importance of being fulfilled while we are single. This
allows us to raise our standards and only accept someone into our lives who
will enhance it, not complicate it.
You are much more focused on what you want.
As
an extension of the previous point, when you have a better grasp on who you are
and what you want out of your life, you have a clearer focus on who you want to
share it with. This, usually, only comes along with working on defining your
own path first. Someone’s looks get moved down your priorities list. Of course
physical attraction will always be important in a relationship—but as we get
older we realize it’s not the most important thing. Far from it. This,
obviously, is part of the deal when looking for a more serious relationship
because we understand that a great smile and gym-fuelled body will only hold
your attention for so long. Now, you need the substance to go with the
packaging.
You will begin to understand your own
value.
Recognizing
your own value is the first step to having a happy, healthy relationship. The
most powerful relationship you will ever have is with yourself. If that one
isn’t healthy, none of your others will be. As we get older, we start to
understand what we deserve from a teammate and should stop making excuses for
them when they don’t hold up their end of the bargain. You are now strong and
independent— so if they are not going to bring value to your life or treat you
as you deserve, you are in a much more secure position to walk away.
You have a greater desire to work at
something.
By
“something,” I mean a relationship. And by “work on,” I mean stick with someone
through thick and thin, good times and bad, bright days and dark days). But
rather than just walking away at the first sign of inconvenience, the deeper
relationship that your new found personal development has allowed you to
cultivate with someone will keep you standing by their side.
You begin to understand you can’t change
people.
When
we are a little younger we tend to see someone’s potential, and maybe even fall
for it. Who they could be if they would just listen to you. If they would just
stop being so lazy. Or apathetic. Or do more with their skills, or whatever it
is. As the years go by we realize the importance of not only working on
becoming ‘whole’ ourselves, but also finding someone who has done the same to
share our life with. We understand that we need an equal and a teammate, not a
project.
As
we get older, our tolerance for games decreases in proportion to our desire to
find something real, but what also increases is our comfort and happiness with
ourselves even if we stay single for awhile. We understand that a significant
other is someone who fits into and enhances our life as we fit into and enhance
theirs—they are not someone who we should revolve our days around or sacrifice
our self-worth or independence for. Perhaps the most important lesson we learn
on our journey, though, is that it is always better to remain single and only
accept the love we deserve, than it is to settle for negative relationships
along the way.
Originally published on JamesMSama.com
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