The Unspoken Words Of An House Maid

The Unspoken Words Of A House Girl

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I'm a house girl
Well, that's what they call me
My name is Ayo
But in my life, there is no joy
Although there is no joy
I have to smile and act like all is well.
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My Oga forgets my name most times. When I hear him shout: "Omo yii da?" (Where is this child?) I know he's looking for me to do one work or the other.
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Work work work is all I do.
I have no life... I am just a house help.
My madam cannot do without me.
The only thing I don't do is bathe her.
I have been loyal to her but she treats me like a rag. And if I dare look at her husband's face when I greet him She'll thinks I want to snatch him.
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Madam's children are treated like Princesses
I am a slave for these children Although they are same age as me, they wear pretty clothes but I have no choice but to wait for those clothes to become rags before they will dash me to wear.
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Gateman and driver think I am their automatic entitlement just because I am a house girl
Why do people think that house helps will sleep with driver or gateman?
Just because I am a house help does not mean I have no respect for my self! :
Life has not been kind to me Misfortune has followed me from the day I was born. If I had a choice in life, I would never choose the life that I have.
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Everyone treats me less than a human and I have no right to complain. People call you different names. I am the only one that knows who I really am. :
House helps are seen as witches, thieves, husband-snatchers, Gateman's girlfriend, driver's girls, 'slaves' etc.
But God knows who I am.
I do my best to make the house function, yet no one respects me.
I don't get commendation only condemnation
I am the first to rise in the morning and the last to go to bed, still no one ever asks how I'm coping! :
Life is cruel I must say
I hate to wake another day
Before you treat me the way you do, remember I have feelings just like you
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Please share this post if you are against the maltreatment of house-helps. Every day they are mistreated, beaten, raped & even killed. They may have no voice but we can speak up for them.
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FIGHTING TEMPTATIONS: Sight and Touch

FIGHTING TEMPTATIONS: Sight and Touch

A woman can see a naked handsome man fifty times, yet she might not lose her sense. Whereas, if a half naked beautiful woman passes by a man once, his pace would be distorted. Meanwhile, fifty casual touches may not move a man while a single gentle touch can cause disarray in a woman’s life. What a man’s touch is to a woman, the nakedness of a woman is to man!

An average man is tempted everywhere; he looks at a carelessly dressed lady, be it in the office, school, internet, T.V, movies, billboards or magazines. It is now unfortunate that the only safe place an average man can sleep and close his two eyes, the church, is no longer secure, all in the name of, ‘come as you are’ or ‘it’s the heart that matters’ cliché.

WHAT DO YOU THINK ONE CAN SAY TO HER?

If not all women, for we can not talk of others who has a different moral standard, at least Christian women should be very careful not to make men stumble because of how they dress. It is not easy for a man to touch a woman anyhow, so their possibility of tempting a woman through touch as women tempt men through their sight is abysmally low. Therefore, when men come to church, they should be able to have a quality break from this assault, and be able to rest.

However, immodest dressing cannot be ELIMINATED, it can only be reduced. So, men must learn to discipline their eyes and control their sexual urges in this age of immodesty. You cannot control what others wear, but you can control what your eyes feed on.

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HANDLING REJECTION

#‎HANDLING_REJECTION‬

Any kind of rejection, no matter if it's in love, your career, friends, a book proposal or anything else, is not something that should affect how happy you are. Rejection doesn't feel great and sometimes it feels unfathomable but it shouldn't be something you permit to take away happiness from your life. The reality of life is that rejection will form a part of it–there will be occasions when your job application, your date request or your ideas for change will be rejected by someone, somewhere. It is a healthy attitude to accept that rejection is a part of life and to acknowledge that what really matters is finding the way to bounce back and try again.

* Have an appropriate grieving Period. You are going to feel upset because of a rejection, whether it's having your manuscript rejected, an idea rejected, being rejected by a potential romantic partner. You are allowed to be upset about that, and in fact, it is healthy for you to give yourself some time to process and grieve.

* Talk it over with a Trusted Friend/Family member. Don't whine, don't get dramatic about it. They will help you grieve reasonably. Warning: Avoid getting on the social media to air your grievances.

* Accept the rejection early. The earlier you come to terms with it; the easier and faster you move on from it.

* Don't take rejection Personally. Remember that the rejection says nothing about you as a person. Getting rejected is part of life and it is not a personal attack on you or your personality.

 

 * Re-frame the Rejection. People who talk about being rejected tend to take rejections more poorly than people who re-frame it. Instead of saying, "They rejected me," Say, "They say No." or "It didn't work out." this removes blame from you and the other partner.

 

 

* Do something else to take your mind off it. Do something fun. Play games, hang out, or go visiting. You need to get your mind off the rejection after the appropriate grieving time. You can't afford to let rejection bring your life to a screeching halt.

* Don't allow rejection to control your future. Rejection is part of life trying to avoid it or dwelling on it will make you very unhappy. You future depend on your positive attitude toward rejection.

* Use Rejection to Improve. Sometimes rejection is a wake-up call, and can help you improve your life. If you can ask the person who rejected you to give you some feedback on why they weren't interested, you can use their answer to improve except its just a personal preference.

Lastly, remember you are not entitle to a 'yes' response all the time. People are entitle to their choice of yes or no, and when they make use of it in whatever way that concerns or affect you, don't be discouraged. Remember you too had used and will still continue to use the power of your choice in either saying Yes (accepting) or No (rejecting) to other people's ideas or proposers. Therefore, be gentle to others and come to terms with other people's NO as graciously as possible.

‪#‎BE_LIFTED‬.

(For further understanding check wikihow.com)

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9 Things I Learned About Being A Good Father From Having A Bad One.

9 Things I Learned About Being A Good Father From Having A Bad One.

 

Although my dad didn’t teach me the things every father should teach his son, I did, however, learn some important lessons about fatherhood from my dad, and these things have greatly impacted the kind of dad I am to my own son. I know a lot of mother’s read our blog, but this series is for all the dad’s out there. (Although good mom’s should do all of the same things.) So mom’s please forward this post to all of the dad’s in your life (and all of the will-be-a-dads-one-day); my hope is that all dad’s (myself included) let these nine lessons mark the kind of dad they are.

1. Tell Your Kids You Love Them. Often.
It breaks my heart that I can’t remember my dad ever telling me he loved me. I’m sure he did, I just can’t remember it. That’s sad. Don’t let your kids ever say the same thing about you. Tell your kids you love them and you are proud of them, often. Tell it to them until they say they are sick of hearing you say it. Then say it a million more times.


Your kids long to hear you say that you love them and that you’re extremely proud of them. They may say they don’t (for those of you raising teenagers) but they do.
Trust me.


2. Pray For Your Kids. Often.
I don’t remember my dad ever praying for me. In fact, I don’t remember my dad ever praying for anything, ever. That’s heartbreaking. For me and for him. One of the greatest privileges (and obligations) we have as parents is praying for our children. My dad missed out on that privilege. I won’t.

Take time to pray for your kids every single day. Let them hear you pray. Pray at dinner time. Pray as a family. Pray when trouble comes. Pray when things are good. Pray when you have little. Pray when you have plenty. Let your kids catch you praying. Let them know that you know the One who holds the whole world in His hands. The One who hears us when we pray. The One who is always there for us. Let them know that you have a high regard for prayer.


Bottom line; Make sure your kids know (and see you model) that one of the most manly things that any man man can do is pray. Teach your kids this at an early age.


3. Teach Your Kids Where Truth Comes From Your children are going to spend their entire lives living in a world that’s trying to sell them one lie after other. Our job as parents is to teach them truth and where that truth comes from.

Truth ultimately comes from the Bible. The Bible is our standard of what is right and wrong. It gives us fixed points of reference to align our life when the storms of life come our way; like a light house does for a ship at sea.


Make sure your house (and your life) revolves around the Word of God. Teach your child what it means to have a Biblical worldview. If you don’t the world will teach them otherwise. And your child will spend their entire life searching for truth in all the wrong places. Don’t let this
happen.


If you have young children The Jesus Story Book Bible is one of the best children’s Bibles you can buy. It’s worth it’s weight in gold. Buy it, and read it to your children as often as you can. If you’re an adult and looking to learn more about God’s Word yourself, I want to suggest two books that will change your life forever.


i. The ESV Study Bible. This is simply the best study Bible you can buy, and the information contained in it will help you learn what the Bible actually means.


ii. Living By The Book – This book was written by one of my professors and it will transform the way you read and study the Bible. Trust me. It’s also worth it’s weight in gold.


“Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.” – Proverbs 22:6


4. Hug and kiss your wife in front of your kids. Often.
I’m not talking about a full on make out session. That would just freak your kid out. But show affection to your wife in front of your children. Hug her. Kiss her. Tell her you love her. Tell her she is beautiful. Take your wife out on dates without your child. Go on a short (or long!) vacation without your children. (I’ll admit, this one is hard to do.)


Why is this so important? You want your children to know that their parents (and their home) are secure. That mom and dad are committed to each other. That mom and dad are in love with each other. That even though their friend’s family may be falling apart, theirs isn’t. I want my children to know their home is a safe place. That mom and dad love each other and aren’t going anywhere. Ever. No matter what.


My son never has to worry about dad divorcing mom (or vis versa.) We are in this for the long haul. In fact, here are the exact wedding vows I made to my wife on our wedding day. I want my kids to know I meant every word. (It’s amazing how many husbands forget the vowels they made on their wedding day. Sad.)


"I, Rick give myself completely to you, Abbie, To be your husband in marriage; I will lead you spiritually as I submit to the Lord and His Word to guide our lives; I will be faithful to God and to you and I will never leave you; And divorce, whether mental, emotional, spiritual, or physical, Will never be an option to me. I will forgive you as Christ has forgiven me; I will encourage, challenge and pray for you. And I will keep Christ at the center of our marriage. And I will love with all of my heart, soul, mind, and strength all of the days of my life All this I vow to you and to God."


Do I always do a perfect job at doing what I said I would do? Nope. Do I always strive to? Yelp.

I mean what I said that day. And by God’s grace I will strive to live out those vows until God takes one of us home. I’m not a perfect dad, but I know where Perfection comes from, and I daily seek to become more like Him.


In case I wasn’t clear: I am madly, deeply, crazy, head over heels in love with Noah’s mom. I fall more in love with her ever day. She becomes more beautiful to me every day. And Noah knows it.


5. Don’t argue in front of your kids.
This point goes with the one above. In addition to making your home a secure one for your kids, make it a peaceful one.

Every married couple has arguments. It’s normal. It’s healthy. It’s ok. But as parents we should make it our goal not to have them in front of our children. (Yes, I know this isn’t always possible. Trust me, I’m a mess to be married to.) But we should strive for it. By the way, we should also strive to fight fair with our spouse when we do argue. You want your kids to want to be at home. You want your kids to think of your house as the most peaceful, loving place on the planet. Sadly,this wasn’t the case with me. Many of my memories growing up are of my mom and dad arguing. It made my home feel unstable (which it was; my parents eventually divorced and my dad abandoned my mother to rise four boys on her own) and un-peaceful and I never wanted to be there as I got into my teenage years.


Dads, do all that you can to make your home a place your kids want to be at. Trust me. One day they may not be living with you, and you want them to want to come back.


7. Be Fun.
I’ve met a lot of dads (mine included) that seem to have forgotten what it’s like to be a kid.
They yell.
They scream.
Are quick tempered.
Grumpy.
And outright no fun to be around. They don’t read silly stories to their kids, help them build universes made entirely out of legos, go down the slide with them, or put on silly puppet shows for them.

In other words that are mean-o’s.
Don’t be this dad.
Have fun with your kids. Make memories. Laugh with them. Tickle them. Jump in the ball pit with them. Be goofy with them. Create new family traditions. In other words just be FUN to be around.


To combine the last three points; make sure your house is secure, loving, peacefully, and full of joy. That is the kind of a house a kid longs to be at, not longs to run away from.


8. Beware of Alcohol.
I’m anti-alcohol by any means. However, I am (as is It’s never ok to be drunk. It’s especially never ok to be drunk around your children.


My father was an alcoholic, in fact he eventually drank himself to death. Almost all the memories I have of my father involved him drinking. A lot. As a child I was always scared of my dad when he was drunk. Not because he was physically abusive to us or anything, but because he was a different person when he was drinking. I didn’t feel secure him. He would act strange.


Sometimes he would act over-the-top-silly. Sometimes he would yell. Sometimes he would say mean things. Often times he would simply pass out. In other words, he would act drunk. I didn’t know much about what it meant to be drunk as a kid, all I knew is that when my father was, he was a different person, and that person scared me. Sadly, my dad was that different person most of the time. He had no idea how to handle alcohol. Alcohol is a deadly weapon.


Fathers, you don’t ever, EVER want your children to be scared of you. And being drunk with alcohol is one sure fire way to do just that. It’s not worth it.
Trust me.


9. And The Most Important Item On This Entire List: Teach Your Children About God.


This one really combines all of the points above into one. My friend Reggie Joiner often reminds people that from the day your child is born you only have 936 weeks with them before they graduate high school.
That’s it.


After our children graduate high school and (hopefully) go on to college our influence in their life decreases drastically. That’s why it’s so import for us to use those 936 weeks to teach them all we can about God; who He is, what He was done for them, how they can know Him, and how He desires for them to make a difference in the world with their life. When these 936 weeks are done, they’re done. There’s no such thing as a parenting time machine. You can’t go back and teach your adult child what you wish you would have taught them when they were a child.


These 936 weeks are all we have.
Let’s make them count.


“When we understand how much time we have left with our kids, we begin to make what matters, matter more.” – Reggie Joiner


It’s Never To Late To Start Becoming A “Good Dad” Being a good dad isn’t easy. It isn’t autonomous. It takes work. Every day I have to make a conscious effort to be a “good dad.” To put my desires aside for those of my son and wife. Some days I blow it (just ask my wife) other days I feel like I did a pretty good job. Thankfully God is always at work helping become the kind of dad he designed me to be, a good dad.


If you’re reading this and you haven’t been a “good dad” please know that it isn’t to late. Today’s the day to tell your children (and your wife) you’re sorry for not being a “good dad” and that you’re ready to make a change.
To do things different.
To do things the right way.

Get involved in a good Bible teaching church where you can learn God’s Word, and be around other dads striving to be a “good dad” as well. Spend time reading God’s Word (again, this is great tool to help you do that) and praying that God would help transform you into the sort of dad whose children’s love to be around.


He can do it. He’s in the business of
changing lives…I’m living proof.

Originally written by Jack Smith of Noahsdad.com



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I DON'T CARE IF I DON'T HAVE A SON!

 I DON'T CARE IF I DON'T HAVE A SON!

The question comes often. I’ve learned to expect it. I don’t believe we’ll ever stop being asked it and that’s okay. But, I want to throw this answer out there for all future inquiries. What is the question I’m talking about? Simple.

“Are you going to keep trying until you have a boy???”

I can honestly say that my answer is no. Yes, there was a time that I hoped I’d have a son. Most men will tell you that they would love to have a son. I was one of them for quite some time. Who was I going to pass my useless knowledge of sports on to? Who was I going to teach to throw a football, play baseball, and do all the silly and stupid things I’ve learned and done throughout my life?

I’ll tell you who: Sophia and Maddie. Yes, it’s true; I did say–on video–prior to having Sophia that I don’t make girls. And we can see that clearly is not the case.

Before I became a dad, I had no idea what to expect with kids–boy or girl. I didn’t know what kind of father I would be, nor did I know if I’d be any good at this whole parenting thing. Hell, I still don’t know if I’m any good at it. What is funny to me, and I said this within a week of Sophia’s birth, is I can’t picture having a son now. Not at all. When you have two little girls who are absolutely amazing, laugh at everything, love you and their mom unconditionally, and are happy to do anything and any time, you find yourself to be thrilled and lucky to call yourself their dad or their mom.

I’m not going to lie and say that I’ve never thought about what it would be like to have a son, to have boys nights with, to teach how to shave, and all that stuff. But, no, I DO NOT need to have a son. And if we decide that we are finished having kids, which very well might be the case, I’m not going to look back on my life as a parent with any regrets over the lack of a son.

You know what I get to do with my daughters? I get to play LEGO with them. I get to teach them to kick a ball, throw a ball, catch a ball, swing a bat, and swing a hockey stick. I get to learn how to do their hair. I get to teach them to ride a bike. I get to teach them how to draw, how to write, how to love, how to be friendly, how to make friends, how to laugh at anything and everything, how to be considerate, what to look for in a friend, how to grow, how to learn, how they can be anything they want to be. I get to be there for them when someone breaks their heart. I get to be there for them to celebrate every little accomplishment. When they graduate high school, when they graduate college, when they land their first job. And one day, lord-willing, I get to walk them down the aisle at their weddings. I get to give them away to whomever they choose to marry. I get to have a dance with them.

And that’s not even the half of it.

Girls or boys, it doesn’t matter. We parent, we teach, we learn, we love. I’m a father of daughters and for me—and my life—that is perfect.

—

Originally published on papabrownie.com

 




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PARENTING: IMPROVING YOUR MOTHER-DAUGHTER RELATIONSHIP

 IMPROVING MOTHER-DAUGHTER RELATIONSHIP

Daughters are a blessing. Every woman wishes for one except maybe for a few who would rather have all boys. Most of the time, however there exist a strain on a Mother-Daughter (M-D) relationship for no just reason. In science, the opposite attracts, one would wonder if this theory is applicable to human relationships too. Poor M-D relationships are less discussed & it appears or feels to be a more "dysfunctional" issue because it is believed that women are more nurturing & social than boys & men. This ofcourse should prevent any serious conflicts between mothers & their female children.

The most intricate issue, however, is the fact that this situation is like a vicious cycle. Daughters seems to be closer to their fathers (though not in all cases) & could eventually look for their father's stereotyped when it is time for them to choose life partners (Watch out for more on this on Fathers day: How fathers can help their daughters' marriage).

Once in a while, a lot of women wonder why they just can't get along with their daughters, especially during their teenage years. M-D are not always enemies. When your girl is a toddler, you are more like a goddess to her. She want to be like you (esp. If you are fashionable), she dress up like you & do everything she sees you doing: Wear lipstick, model your earrings & wear your high heels. She just want to be like Mommy. The scenerio is like this until she is about 13, then you gradually become the most ignorant, out-of-touch creature on the planet, & she want to be far away from you. Then somewhere between her 20s & 30s, you become her best friend again.

There is something sacred about the M-D relationship, when a mother is absent from her daughter's life, it leaves both women feeling empty & less whole. This could eventually lead to a situation of low self esteem, dating & relationship problems, feelings of worthlessness & or depression. One cannot lay the blame for a dysfunctional M-D relationship on either the mother or the daughter's door. Both might grow apart being busy with different things for different reasons. But mothers should be careful to do things that will accord them the opportunity to remain or become their daughter's best friends.

TIPS FOR MOTHERS

*Have a solid foundation in your faith & Communicate it early to your daughter. This will always afford you a common ground to have your daughter as partners in prayer. Prayer time with them on pertinent or common issue will always give you opportunity to know what is really going on in their life. Don't only pray for them... Pray together with them.

*Show them love the way they want it. The fastest way to being out of your daughter's life is ignoring what they want ALL the time & giving them what you think is right for them ALL the time. Yes we love them & don't want them to make a mistake but most-times they won't learn & grow if they NEVER make mistakes!

*Understand the Seasons. The time you live as a young lady, no matter how liberal & exposed you are, is totally different from theirs. Understand this & you will open your mind to the possibility of knowing whats going on in their world. You lose them faster if all you know is "during our time".

*Be adventurous. This follow trying to think & see the world the way they sees it. As an elder, then you will be able to juxtapose & assess their differing world views thereby striking a balance between the old & the new!

*Learn to listen to them rather than giving them a piece of your mind in all issue! Listening to them without an eye on judging them will help them to come to you without reservation.

*Be playful. Yes! Life struggles & strains have make most mothers lost touch with the reality that life is fun. We can have fun in everything we do... Be it cooking together, watching films together (more fun if you let them choose the movie), shopping, doing home work together, or just frequent time-out with them. Desire to catch fun with them & they will see you as one of their own.

*Trust your daughter. If you have given them your faith from the beginning you must trust them: to make the right choice for themselves. Trust their talents & ability. Allow them to fail even in trying, trust them & show them that they have what it takes to make it in whatever goal they set their heart to achieve.

*Be there for them. And never get tired of being there for them! They will make mistakes, they will blow their chances. But don't use that to give them a piece of your heart talk, but a piece of your compassion. Nobody would want to brush aside a compassionate mother.

Don't wait till you are older: do it now!

Originally writen by Taiwo Monica of The Nigerian Tribune
 *Tips written by #Oluthomas

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