Here are 5 lessons I took away from interviewing a couple with arranged Marriage. Don’t just read them… apply them. It could transform your relationship.
1. Fighting is overrated
When
you fight dirty in a
relationship you surrender control of your behavior to your circumstances and
your emotions. You become a victim to life, and victims forfeit
any ability to choose love, peace, or kindness.
Emotionally
intelligent couples take ownership of their thoughts, feelings, actions and
moods. They don’t blame other people for how they act or how they feel. And
when they do feel strong emotions, they have the fortitude to avoid acting
impulsively and instead act with kindness.
Also they know that whatever the quarrel/misunderstanding they have they have to settle it 'cos there is no going back... it's more than them!
2. Loving
your in-laws is important
One
of the most common sources of contention in a committed relationship is the
in-laws. Respecting and balancing the needs, wants, and traditions of two (and
sometimes more) sets of parents can get really complicated really fast.
They
(especially the woman) understood that creating a positive and loving
relationship with their new parents would only create more freedom and
connection for their family in the future.
Become
friends with your in-laws. The more they love you the less threatened they will
be that you’re stealing their baby away from them, and the more understanding
they will be when conflicts arise in the future.
3. You’re
happiest when the person you love is happiest
I
know it’s cliché to say, but it seems to be consistently true for every couple
I’ve interviewed… when you live as if the happiness of your partner is a
priority over your own, you will find incredible joy and satisfaction.
When
you go into a relationship thinking only of what you can get out of it, the
relationship will not work. The trick to experiencing satisfaction in a
relationship is to give up worrying about what you’ll get out of it, and
instead worry about what you can put into it.
How
can you be the greatest contributor of peace, happiness, excitement, and fun in
your partner’s life? Seriously… ask yourself that question, and then take
action.
Love isn’t love if it’s only given with expectation of
reciprocation.
4.
Complimentary vs. Compatibility
Compatibility
is overrated. We put so much emphasis on having common interests, hobbies,
and beliefs. To be honest, it isn’t all it’s cracked up to be… at least not for
everyone.
Rather
than searching for someone who has everything in common with you, why not
consider appreciating someone who brings you balance and pushes you to
experience the world in a new way? It’s good to have someone in the house who
is great with finances, or an amazing chef, or can fix anything with a little
wire and duct tape, or who brings a sense of humor to the table… especially if
the other person lacks those strengths.
It’s
fun to have things in common, but it’s vital to appreciate and value your
partner for their differences.
5. Change
means you get to fall in love all over again
People
change. It’s a fact of life.
You
(and the ones you love) are constantly influenced by your experiences, your
community, your choices, and your circumstances. You are never the same today
as you were yesterday.
To
some this is a scary prospect.
“What
if we grow apart?”
“What
it life takes us down different paths?”
“What
if things change?”
It
is nearly impossible for fear and love to coexist.
Rather
than fear change, embrace it. Without change, love stagnates. Look at it as an
opportunity to fall in love with a new version of the same person over and over
again.
This
article originally appeared on Loveumentary
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