UNDERSTANDING YOUR PARTNER DEMAND THE MEDIATING SKILL
Two essential tools of the mediation
trade will help you become your
own translator.
1. Mediators validate what their
client is saying. In other words, they
make sure they truly understand
what the person is saying before
moving on and responding. Teachers
call this checking for understanding.
Counselors call it reflective listening.
Call it what you want. But don’t
respond until you really feel like you
understand what the other person is
saying.
2. Mediators seek to clarify
information. Rather than reacting to
what someone is saying, especially if
it seems confusing, illogical or
frustrating, follow step #1 and
validate, and then ask more
questions to gain clarification. This
step is like being a detective — you
are drilling for information so you
can be confident that you
understand what is being said.
3. If you are still confused, rinse and
repeat.
Often, you can figure it out on your
own with time and effort, and more
than a pinch of patience. But it can
be done. It’s hard to resolve conflict
when you don’t have a clue what the
other person is saying.
Figuring out how to translate is the first step.
Written by Ben Stich
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