Six Things Every Couple
Should Discuss Before Getting
Married
Many couples don’t take the time to
discuss these important topics
before getting married, addressing
the topics below doesn’t always lead
to easy conversations, but it’s
essential that you discuss each of
them in-depth now, rather than
waiting for a rude awakening after
you’ve said “I do.”
1. Your Home.
Even if you’re already living
together, you won’t live in that
second-floor rental unit forever and
it’s important to discuss the type of
home you envision sharing together
in the future. Do you want to live in a
condo? A house with a yard and
garage? Would you consider moving
to a different city? How many times a
month will you entertain?
2. Religion.
Whether you’re an interfaith couple
or you share the same beliefs, you
have to discuss the role of religion in
your relationship. While your
families may try to influence the role
of religion in the lives of your
children, especially, it’s important
that the two of you decide how you
will practice your faith and train your
children before the wedding. Will
you both take the children to church
(or to synagogue or the mosque)?
What will you do if your child wants
to experience other faiths?
3. Children.
Before you even agree to marry
someone, you need to make sure
that you’re on the same page re:
offspring. Do you both want to have
children? If so, how many? If you
can’t have biological children, would
you consider adoption or in vitro
fertilization? Do you share the same
discipline philosophy?
4. Sex.
Being intimate is an important part
of a married couple’s relationship.
But having sex isn’t enough to
guarantee marital intimacy: talking
about sex is also important. You
need to feel that you can trust
telling your partner your sexual
needs. Do you feel comfortable
sharing your desires with your
partner? How many times a week do
you expect to have sex in your
marriage? Are you happy with your
sex life? What do you love about
your sex life? What do you wish was
different?
5. Money.
Every couple has their own way of
managing their finances. While
there’s no right or wrong method,
experts warn against keeping
separate bank accounts, unless you
also have a shared one. It’s not good
to have anything but ‘ours’ in a
marriage and separate bank
accounts create a sense of “mine”
and “yours.” Will you combine all of
your finances? Put a certain
percentage in a joint account and
keep the rest in personal accounts?
Or will you keep your finances totally
separate? Do you have similar
spending habits? If not, how will you
deal with these differences
throughout your marriage? Who will
be in charge of paying the bills?
6. Communication.
That’s right–you have to
communicate about communication!
If you have communication issues
now, then it’s going to be very
difficult to work through bumps in
the road once a mortgage and
children come along. Arguments
never solve a problem. Rather than
raising your voices when you
disagree on something, he
recommends that you sit down
across from each other and discuss
your feelings regarding the issue.
It’s important that each spouse
listens to and considers the other
person’s feelings, rather than
focusing on who is right or wrong.
What are your perpetual issues? Do
you have the same approaches to
communication? Are there certain
communication techniques that
work better for you?
Altogether, if you could settle these issues, you will have less difficulty in overcoming the challenges of Marriage!
Your views are most welcome...
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