10 Promises You Need to Make
To Your Future Spouse
Sadly, marriage has lost much of its meaning in
today’s society. Growing up in a household where my parents have been together
over 35 years and my grandparents over 60 years, I was always under the
impression that marriage is meant for forever. It is a pledge, a
promise, a commitment to another human being to be there for them and with them
through thick and thin. To be their teammate and their partner in love and in
life. Unfortunately these days, ‘Until death do us part’ has
become ‘until I get bored of you,’ or ‘until times get rough.’
With celebrities spending millions on marriages that
last 72 days, over 50% of American adults being single, and a higher-than-comfortable
divorce rate, one may begin to ask themselves what exactly is going haywire.
I think a big part of this problem is that people are
not fully aware of what it really takes to commit to a marriage. They are rushing love,
getting engaged before they really know someone,
and before you know it – a few years have gone by, and the divorce lawyers are
collecting another pay day.
So – if and when we
are going to make this important commitment to the person we love, what exactly
is it that we need to be able to promise them for the future?
“I promise to stick by you through tough
times.”
I’m starting off with an important one. I have said it
before and I’ll say it again – anyone can stand by your side during the sunny
days. The real test of character is whether or not they will hold the umbrella
over you during the stormy days.
When making a lifelong commitment to someone, you are
committing to being there for them “in sickness and in health.” Sickness – may
not be a common cold. It may be a large, life-altering challenge. It may be the
sickness of a family member. Maybe, your own sickness. It may not necessarily
be a literal health challenge, but perhaps a rough patch in life that tests
your commitment and love. You are not pledging to be a fair weather spouse and
only be there when times are good. You are pledging to be there – always.
Yes, strive for success. Yes, go for that promotion at
work. Yes, hustle to take your business to the next level. But be very careful
not to destroy your relationship through neglect in the process. Before you
were a CEO or a high-powered attorney or a doctor, you were a man or woman who
fell in love. You are a human being who is intimately and emotionally connected
to another human being.
Even the greatest accomplishments in life lose their
meaning when we have lost the person we always wanted to share them with. The
key is to find a balance. To build off of your relationship as a foundation. To
appreciate your teammate as part of your success as he or she supports you
along the way. Letting the scales tip too far in either direction will only
lead to disaster.
“I promise will never let you forget how much I love
you.”
As an extension of the previous point, sometimes life
gets crazy and we lose sight of things by accident. One of these things can
easily be letting our significant other know how much he or she means to us,
daily. One of the biggest problems in long term relationships is lack of
gratitude. When someone feels taken for granted it can easily breed resentment
and a whole slew of other problems that will eat away at your foundation.
You’ll know you’ve found the right partner when they
keep showing you how much you mean to them, long after they’ve already
committed to you.
“I promise I will not lose my identity.”
In any happy, healthy relationship, it is important
that the two individuals who are together still remain two
individuals. Of course your lives are combined into one and you have
become ‘us,’ but if either partner begins to lose sight of their hopes, dreams,
hobbies, or whatever makes them, them - it can bring about a
deep dissatisfaction that could be projected onto the relationship.
This is another reason why self development is so
important, as well as personal growth. We need to be sure to not only grow as a
couple, but also as individuals alongside each other.
“I promise to keep things exciting.”
A step beyond consistently reminding someone you love
them is literally taking action to keep the spark alive. Spontaneous candle-lit
dinners. A bath running when they get home from work. A weekend getaway for no
reason.
When we start a fire, we cannot walk out of the room
and expect it to keep burning forever. We need to continue to add logs to it
and to stoke it. If we keep doing that, it will never go out. The problems
arise when we stop giving it the attention it requires in order to continue
burning.
Always keep stoking your fire.
Watch out for the remaining Five...
Don’t rush into marriage, instead wait for the one who will keep every promise they make.
Written by James Michael Sama
Your views and thoughts are most welcome...
No comments:
Post a Comment