At what age is it right to enter into courtship?

ANSWERS TO YOUR QUESTIONS... BY 'TUNDE ALABI

QUESTION: At what age is it right, according to the Bible, to enter into courtship?

ANSWER:

Introduction: This question is a little bit difficult because it requires a biblical answer for a concept that is not mentioned in the Bible at all. How do you say categorically that this is what the Bible says about the right time to enter into courtship when the word courtship cannot be found in the Bible? This does not mean that the concept of courtship contradicts the Bible. No! It simply means that the practice was strange to the culture of the people of Bible times. The common practice was arranged marriage. What I want to do, therefore, is to attempt to establish the right time to enter into marriage; and then suggest the time to enter into courtship which is the period before the engagement and the wedding. Right Time to Marry: Looking at the Bible, it is difficult to determine the right age to marry. If for instance, marriage was done a year before the arrival of the first child, then Seth got married at 104 (Gen 5: 6); Enosh got married at 89 (Gen. 5: 9); Cainan got married at 69 (Gen 5: 12); Mahalalel got married at 64 (Gen 5: 15); Jared got married at 161 (Gen 5: 18); Enoch got married at 64 (Gen 5: 21); Methuselah got married at 186 (Gen 5: 25); Lamech got married at 181 (Gen 5: 28); Isaac got married at 40 (Gen 25: 20) etc.

You see that there is no specific age for marriage. Then it is safe to suggest that marriage age was determined by the society. Some 70 years ago, among the Yorubas of South-western Nigeria, marriage age was 16/17 for ladies and 20/21 for men. Before the 1980s the average marriage age worldwide was 20/22. But the need for higher education in the 1980s resulted in shifting the marriage age to late 20s, that is, 27/29. The economic meltdown that started in middle 80s in Nigeria which resulted in unemployment in the country added to the problem. Today, the average marriage age is 30/33 for ladies and men respectively. Factors responsible for this include: education, unemployment, economy and disappointment. In my opinion, this is not good enough. It amounts to postponing the evil day. If for instance, a man gets married at 33, he will have his first child at 34. If they have three children at 2 years interval, the second will arrive when he will be 36 and the last will arrive when the man will be 38. It takes an average of 23 year to train a child through the university; so the first child will graduate when the man will be 57. Compulsory retirement age is 60. How does he train the rest through the university? When will he begin to eat from the fruit of his labour over the children?

When then should a man get married in the face of educational challenges, economical challenges and unemployment? I suggest 22/24 for ladies and 24/26 for men. “How is that possible when many are yet to graduate at that age?” You may ask. Well, society’s expectation is that the child will start school at age 6 and finish basic education at 15. After the basic education the child may go and learn a trade or proceed to the senior school to graduate at 18 to go and learn a trade or proceed to the university to graduate at 22. Whichever way a child takes, by age 22, it is expected of the child to have a skill or a qualification for making a living. My suggestion of 22/24 for the girl-child and 24/26 for the boy-child gives both some time to establish themselves in the adult world. Right Time to Enter into Courtship: In my opinion, courtship which begins immediately the lady gives her positive response to the man’s proposal should not be shorter than six months and should not be longer than 3 years.

One, it is just a period to confirm God’s revealed will. You must have prayed and received from God before you go to make your proposal and she must have prayed and received from God before saying her YES. All that you want to do is to confirm that God has really spoken to both of you. You know this by establishing the fact that he/she is a Christian and you have some things in common. We fool ourselves when we say we want to see if we are compatible. If God has spoken what compatibility again are we looking for?

Furthermore, no matter how long you court you won’t know more than 10 percent of your partner. Those who know more than 10 percent don’t end up at the altar. If courtship should not be more than 3 years, at what age then is it right to enter into it? The answer is simple; enter into it not earlier than 3 year or later than six months before the time you hope to wed. Let me add also that, it is not advisable to make up your mind on who to marry until you are above age 20. Psychology says the part of the brain that has to do with value judgment (what is good and what is not good) is not fully developed until a child is above 20.

And you cannot hear or receive from God until you enter into a loving relationship with God through Jesus Christ.

Your views are most welcome...