ONE GOOD THING YOU ARE DOING TO SAVE YOUR RELATIONSHIP THAT MIGHT NOT BE GOOD FOR YOUR RELATIONSHIP

 PEACE AT ALL COST!

 

Most of us try hard in our intimate relationships. We work at them. We want our partners to be happy and the benefits that come with that. And when we’ve found something—and someone—good, we don’t want to lose it and have to start over. So we soldier on. We struggle on the uphills, hoping to rest on the next plateau. We muddle through the dark periods until, often inexplicably, the light shines again. And we pat ourselves on the back for trying so hard, while often silently resenting our partner for not trying hard enough, for not meeting us at least halfway. “If only he or she would … ” At least, that’s the way we see it; that’s the narrative we convince ourselves is truth. But what’s really happening is something different.

 

What’s really happening is we’re the ones fucking up. Consider this: Most relationships don’t suffer and break down from lack of effort; they suffer and break down from misdirected effort. Most relationships don’t disintegrate from either partner’s bad intentions; they disintegrate from good intentions that bring bad outcomes. One of the good things that is not always good for relationship is PRESERVING PEACE AT ANY PRICE. Stop preserving peace at any price.

 

We have two natural instincts when faced with anger—fight or flight, attack or retreat. Most of us don’t like fighting, though in some relationships constant fighting actually substitutes for a lack of real intimacy. But most of the time, we try to avoid confrontation, either by stifling our feelings or simply giving in to our partner’s demands. The first response is emotional suicide. The second is called appeasement. You give a little more and a little more and a little more of your "territory" to preserve peace. And with each successive slice you "cede", your resentment grows larger. You convince yourself that you’re being compassionate and understanding, that relationships are about compromise and accommodation, that we have to pick our battles, and that this one just isn’t worth it. But your losses keep accumulating.

 

What’s really happening is that you’re training your partner to disregard your boundaries, because you’ve made them permeable and irrelevant. It’s unlikely (except in abusive situations) that your partner wants to make you unhappy. But if you don’t complain, your unhappiness, which remains unspoken, isn’t an issue.

 

 

 

Speak up for what you care about. Say no if you don’t like it. Know your deal-breakers, and never give in on them. Strong boundaries for both partners make your relationship stronger, not weaker, because there’s less trampling all around. A peace purchased with self-sacrifice is not a peace at all. It’s the slow death of the soul masquerading as tranquility. BEWARE... WATCH IT!!!

If you don't agree kindly air your view through the comment box below...