TO HIM: BEFORE YOU GIVE HER THAT GIFT, PLEASE READ THIS!

In the ancient times guys give gifts that symbolizes fertility and faithfulness. Gifts from women don’t tell a guy much about that — so men should be pretty easy to please, gifts-wise. And they are. But women sense the symbolism behind what you give. And they should. Because they’re gambling on your Commitment. Betting badly can literally be a life- death, success-failure distinction for women and their kids, even now. Problem? Men’s ability to provide can be viewed on a balance sheet, but your desire to provide, which is far more important, is invisible. So women have to look for indirect signs of that commitment everywhere. And one of those signs, whether it’s the Twelfth day of Christmas or our twentieth anniversary, is what our true love gives to us.

Think Generosity

Stinginess conveys an unwillingness to provide that women universally despise. After all, there may have been women in the ancient past who didn’t care whether a man stuck around and kept bringing home the wild boar; but research suggests they’re part of history rather than ancestry. The genes that got carried forward to today’s women were those from the winning psychological bent. Great gifts are, therefore, never stingy. But expensive? If you’re in a new(er) relationship, science shows there’s something to it: in worldwide studies, women view a costly gift as a sign of your enduring commitment. Hence the enduring and global popularity of jewelry, especially during courtship. It’s both symbolic and expensive.

In long-standing marriages, costliness probably isn’t that important to most women. After all, you’re already proving every day that you want to be here, providing and listening and loving. Give a gift that shows cost without commitment, though, and you could actually ruin both your bank account and your relationship. One man wrote me that he’d been dumped after he bought a very expensive computer — one that cost more than many engagement rings — for his girlfriend of seven years. His gift basically said, “I could buy you a diamond; I could propose. I just won’t. Ever.”

Think Practicality?

Unless your darling point-blank asks you to buy her a food processor, major appliance, automotive part, or (Danger! Danger!) gym membership — DON’T. Even if she makes such an unorthodox request, comply while giving something that’s pure luxury, too. The union you save could be your own. A lot of men love receiving practical gifts. If a guy needs a briefcase or wrench set, he’s pleased to receive it. The end. Thing is, a lot of men who give dud gifts believe they’re giving great gifts; the women simply don’t see love in the practical gifts a man might appreciate and therefore give. Now is not the time to follow the Golden Rule. Don’t give her what she needs. Give her what she wants.

Think Intimately

Of course, some women don’t want to be asked what they want. If your sweetheart insists on being surprised, she’s asking you to show her that you pay attention to who she is. Select a gift that displays your intimate knowledge of what pleases her as a special and unique individual.

Nothing says “I love you” like “I know you!"

Upshot? Great gifts speak to women. And what they say is: “I want you, I love you, I notice you, and I know you. Thank you for being in my life.” If you convey all that and mean it — you’re pretty great, yourself.

Written by Duana C. Welch, Ph.D.,
Edited




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