A TRIBUTE TO A DAD AT 70
My mother is a very vocal teacher.
But my father? Like most men of his
generation, he’s a man of few words.
If I ask him for life advice, he’ll just
tell me his three favorite idioms:
“Honesty is the best policy,” “Look
before you leap,” and “Make hay
while the sun shines.”
Hardly the stuff of TED talks. So with
my dad — I had to instead learn by
observing his actions and studying
his life.
This is his story. And this is what he’s
taught me about love.
1. Love is Sacrifice: From Big to
Small Things
When he first met my mom, my
father drove a loud sports car. He
was a fiercely proud man who loved
fine quality goods — my mother
tells me he never bought anything
discounted.
And then he had us.
Anyone who has kids knows these
two things: your life changes to
completely revolve around your
kids, and kids are extremely
expensive.
So like all good parents, Dad learned
to sacrifice.
The sexy automobile went away for
a practical family sedan. Money went
from buying branded clothes to
buying quality food for the kids. And
the pride? We kids became the pride
of his life. Dad buys discounted
things now.
One specific memory always reminds
me how much self-sacrificing love
dad had for us: When I was about
eight years old, dad took my sisters
and me to watch a movie in the local
cinema. I think it was Beauty And The
Beast. I was too young to appreciate
how beautiful Belle was, so I fell
asleep. It would have been practical
for Dad to just let me sleep till the
movie ended — but instead he
gently woke me, brought me out of
the cinema, and drove me all the
way home.
After putting me to bed, he drove
back to the cinema to rejoin my
sisters.
I’m still not sure why he went
through all that trouble.
2. Love is Boundaries: Sometimes
You Have To Say No
While he really doted on us, Dad
never went to the point of spoiling
us. He would give us everything he
could, but he had certain principles
on which he would not compromise.
He never had a problem disciplining
us.
One morning, I was feeling
extremely lazy and balked at going
to school. I rolled over in bed and
said I was too sleepy. After thinking
awhile, Dad said “OK.” I thought to
myself, “Hey this is great!” and
proceeded to waste the day playing
at home. The next day I tried it again.
And then I experienced the wrath of
his fierce voice: “If you don’t get out
of bed within three seconds…”
I jumped out of bed quicker than I
ever have.
For my Dad, boundaries didn’t mean
the forty-year age gap between us. It
didn’t mean being a hard
disciplinarian whom I was afraid to
approach. It just meant that
sometimes when I crossed the line,
he’d pull me back and say “No. That’s
not acceptable.”
He taught me how setting strong
boundaries is fundamental for all
relationships: home, work, friendly
or romantic.
Sometimes you just have to say no.
3. Love is Responsibility: Even
When You Don’t Feel Like It
My Dad is far from perfect. He can be
chauvinistic at times. He isn’t the
most patient of people either — he
still has that fiery temper of a young
man. My mother could easily recite a
list of things he could improve on.
But as a father and a husband, he’s
always been an example of
responsibility.
My family lost a lot of money during
the Asian financial crisis of 1997. But
even when things weren’t going
well for Dad, there was always
excellent food on the table for us.
We were always taken care of in the
highest standards possible. He
separated those “adult issues” from
us so we wouldn’t worry
unnecessarily — and concentrate on
doing well in school.
All I knew was that Dad was
frequently in a bad mood. I only
found out years later from Mom what
had happened.
I found out too that Dad used to
smoke two to three packets of
cigarettes a day. He could never quit,
despite multiple attempts. And then
Mom had me. He hasn’t smoked a
cigarette since.
Love is fulfilling your
responsibilities, even if you don’t
feel like it. And even when you feel
like crap.
4. Love is Giving: Money Is a
Blessing To Be Shared
Above all, my father taught me
generosity. When he first started
work, he would faithfully send
money back to help support his
brothers’ children. He reminds me to
never be stingy about helping
others.
He’s also been known to treat his
friends and family with overly
generous meals. It bugs Mom that he
goes overboard, but that’s just the
way he is. Dad has never looked at
money as something to be hoarded,
but a blessing to be shared. He has
never been any good at keeping
money, but has always been the best
at spending it on others. I guess
that’s why he’s so happy.
written by Aaron Tang for his Dad's 70th birthday
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