WE USED TO LOVE EACHOTHER: RECLAIMING THE SPARK IN YOUR MARRIAGE

Here’s my point: Falling in love is automatic. Staying in love isn’t.

 Falling in love happens without any deliberate intention or action on your part. It just happens to you! Like being hit over the head while you’re minding your own business. Falling in love is the infancy of relationship. It’s fun and passionate and all-round awesome, but it’s not meant to last forever. That’s not to say you can’t create a relationship that stays fun, passionate and all-round awesome. You absolutely can, but this time, in stark contrast to when you first fell in love, you have to create it to be so. So back to the question of “How do you sustain it?” It’s not that difficult to do; but unfortunately, it’s not self-evident and it’s almost impossible to explain in writing (without writing 500 pages and even then, it’s tricky)

 

Here’s the basis of it:

1. Know what you truly want (typically not what you think you think you want)

 2. Learn how to RESOLVE the small and big conflicts that show up in daily life. If you don’t, they pile up and inevitably kill off your love and sex.

3. Interact with yourself and your partner as your Fullest Potential (our term for the best version of you).

4. Don’t stop having sex if you are Married and physical affection. It’s not like you have to keep up the three-times-a-day schedule of the first two months, but you can’t let it wither away, either. It’s too important for that.

5. Keep up the “Acts of Love” you did automatically in the beginning.

 

For now, the simplest one to begin with is the last point above— remember what you used to do for each other when you first met. What “Acts of Love” did you do, perhaps without even thinking? Simple stuff. Go out to dinner. Talk for hours. Listen with keen interest. Leave love notes around the house. Make meals. Light candles. Whatever your favorite Acts of Love from the beginning, if you do them again, they’ll begin to recreate the feelings of love, warmth and attraction that accompanied them in the past.

 Written by Christian Pederson

 

 

Your views are most welcome...