I’m spending the morning waiting
for my car in the repair shop. Four
men in flannel (I missed the flannel
memo) and I sit around smelling
tires and inhaling exhaust fumes
while an enchanting little fairy is in
constant motion around her daddy.
She climbs on him, giggles, turns
around, and then she’s back to
twirling on the tile.
She’s bouncing and spinning around
in her pink frilly skirt. Her black cable
knit tights are sagging around her
tiny knees, and her puffy coat makes
her arms stand out further than is
natural. To top off the ensemble is a
shiny crystal tiara. It’s been tacked
down to her head with what appears
to be about 60 haphazard bobby
pins.
She’s probably four years old. So
little, so vulnerable. She doesn’t
seem concerned about it as she
sings about teapots and ladybugs in
her black Mary Janes. I feel myself
tear up as I watch her. I tear up as I
watch him watch her. She could not
possibly know at four what impact
this man, his character, or his words
will have on her for years to come.
And, maybe he doesn’t know either.
So, to all the daddies with little girls
who aren’t old enough yet to ask for
what they need from you, here is
what we wish you knew:
1. How you love me is how I will love
myself.
2. Ask how I am feeling and listen to
my answer. I need to know you value
me before I can understand my true
value.
3. I learn how I should be treated by
how you treat my mom, whether you
are married to her or not.
4. If you are angry with me, I feel it
even if I don’t understand it, so talk
to me.
5. Every time you show grace to me
or someone else, I learn to trust God
a little more.
6. I need to experience your
nurturing physical strength, so I
learn to trust the physicality of men.
7. Please don’t talk about sex like a
teenage boy, or I think it’s
something dirty.
8. When your tone is gentle, I
understand what you are saying
much better.
9. How you talk about female bodies
when you’re ‘just joking’ is what I
believe about my own.
10. How you handle my heart is how I
will allow it to be handled by others.
11. If you encourage me to find what
brings joy, I will always seek it.
12. If you teach me what safe feels
like when I’m with you, I will know
better how to guard myself from
men who are not.
13. Teach me a love of art, science,
and nature, and I will learn that
intellect matters more than dress
size.
14. Let me say exactly what I want
even if it’s wrong or silly, because I
need to know having a strong voice
is acceptable to you.
15. When I get older, if you seem
afraid of my changing body, I will
believe something is wrong with it.
16. If you understand contentment
for yourself, so will I.
17. When I ask you to let go, please
remain available; I will always come
back and need you if you do.
18. If you demonstrate tenderness, I
learn to embrace my own
vulnerability rather than fear it.
19. When you let me help fix the car
and paint the house, I will believe I
can do anything a boy can do.
20. When you protect my femininity,
I learn everything about me is
worthy of protecting.
21. How you treat our dog when you
think I’m not watching tells me more
about you than does just about
anything else.
22. Don’t let money be everything,
or I learn not to respect it or you.
23. Hug, hold, and kiss me in all the
ways a daddy does that are right and
good and pure. I need it so much to
understand healthy touch.
24. Please don’t lie, because I
believe what you say.
25. Don’t avoid hard conversations,
because it makes me believe I’m not
worth fighting for.
It’s pretty simple, really.
Little girls
just love their daddies. They each
think their daddy hung the moon.
Once in a while when you look at
your little gal twirling in her frilly
skirt, remember she’ll be grown one
day. What do you want her to know
about men, life, herself, love? What
you do and say now matters for a
lifetime. Daddies, never
underestimate the impact of your
words or deeds on your daughters,
no matter their age.
Your views are most welcome...
No comments:
Post a Comment