Research over the years has
suggested to us that there are at
least SEVEN major risks associated
with on-line dating.
Here they are
in a nutshell:
1. Be Mindful of the Stalkers. Let’s
face it; there are bad people out
there who would like to stalk you!
They aren’t interested in love,
companionship, or togetherness.
What they want is a vulnerable
person who is desperately in need
of love and companionship, who
would bare their soul to garner
both – behaviors that make them
easy to stalk by bad people. We are
reminded of a story that came to
light during a recent interview that
we conducted with a young
woman. When she got to the
location of the “first date” she had
arranged from an on-line dating
service, she discovered that the
man walking up to her did not look
like the man in the photo, did not
drive the car he said he had, and
did not look at all like the “man of
means” he described in their
various email exchanges. Her
instincts told her to run! She did.
We can only wonder what might
have happened to her if she had
followed through on this date.
Remember, don’t give out personal
information, phone number or
address too soon in your
conversation on the Internet. Be
safe!
2. Don’t Wish for Love. Folks
wanting companionship, wish for
someone to love. They will often
ignore the warning signs of a so-
called on-line “admirer” because
they just want someone to love.
Wanting to find love and wanting
to be in love does not make love
imminent or even desirable.
Wanting to be in love often clouds
our ability to look at love
objectively. Sad to say, there are
people out there who will take
advantage of those whose only
goal is to be in love. Our advice –
approach your on-line love search
objectively. Do not be duped into
falling for contrived “lines,”
promises, or commitments of
Nirvana. Very carefully analyze
everything you are told on-line. We
are reminded of an important
notion – trust but verify! Take
nothing for granted. Wishing for
love does not make love real.
3. Always Seek the Truth. The
most important approach to on-line
dating is to always ask the tough
questions – the important
questions – the right questions! Oh,
we know, you are afraid that if you
ask the questions that are on your
mind you might offend somebody.
But seriously, do you expect to get
the truth if you don’t ask the right
questions? It is important that you
ask a lot of questions. Remember,
you want a person to date – and
potentially love – that is honest,
that is real. When you ask the
questions that are important to
you, you are in search of the truth.
Always remember this – the truth
shall set you free!
4. Don’t start a Relationship with
Promises of Sex. When you or
your on-line partner make it clear
that sex is the primary reason for
dating, you change the entire
dynamics of on-line dating. People
in search of real love do not begin
their conversation with talk about
sex! Sex can be both emotional and
satisfying. But let’s be clear – some
people just want sex for the sake of
sex! There is no emotionality, no
love, and no commitment. They just
want sex! When you are in search of
true love on the Internet, always
remember this – sex is a by-
product. Sex is fun, but it has very
little to do with long-term
commitment. If you want true love,
don’t promise sex early in your on-
line relationship!
5. Actions Speak Louder than
Words! It is critical to recognize
this important fact – the words that
someone speaks to you mean little.
It is their actions that tell you who
they are and what they truly
believe. People can tell you all
kinds of things on the Internet. The
question you should ask is this –
how much of what they tell me is
true? Do not be duped blindly into
thinking that what someone tells
you on the Internet is true. Words
matter for sure. But so does the
truth. Probe, question, demand that
their words parallel their actions.
Expect nothing less.
6. Core Values Matter. Core values
matter! It is highly important that
someone you’re willing to date
have a value system that matches
your own. What you believe,
matters! If you are willing to date
someone whose value system is
different from your own, go ahead
and do so. But, if you are like most
people, you want to date someone
who shares your core values. Do
not be naïve or misled. Do not
expect happiness and long-term
love from someone whose beliefs
and core values differ from your
own. If their beliefs come through
as different from your own when
perusing an on-line dating system,
move on! You cannot expect to find
love with someone whose core
values are different from your own.
7. Highlight What Really Matters
to You. When you want to find the
person of your dreams, engage in
this one simple act – tell the truth
about what really matters to you.
Too often, the good folks that
utilize an on-line dating service
want to embellish the truth. Too
often, they want to make
themselves better than they are –
more handsome or beautiful, more
accomplished, more bon vivant. In
the end, you are who you are. Tell
the truth. Express what really
matters to you. You are what you
are, and in the end, that is all that
matters. Getting someone who is
interested in you under false
pretenses is always a bad idea. In
the end, capturing the true fancy of
another human being always
depends on telling the truth.
Highlighting what really matters to
you will capture the fancy of those
who share your beliefs and core
values. In the end, that is what
really matters.
These are the self-evident truths of
on-line dating.
Remember them
well.
Find true love, but be careful
about it!
In love and marriage the simple
things matter.
Love well!
Your views are most welcome...
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