Big 5
Relationship Questions to Answer Before You Start Dating Again
Just like
everything else in life, dating requires goals. Either you are working towards
those goals, or away from them. And if you don’t even know them yet, I can
assure you, you are working away from them. Getting clear about why you are
dating is a great first step. The further you can go down the path of clarity,
in understanding what you are looking for, why you are attracted to the people
you are attracted to, and what you ultimate goal is … Well, without goals,
you’re going to end up starting over a lot.
Here are my BIG
5 RELATIONSHIP QUESTIONS you should answer before you start dating. Get
yourself and your priorities oriented before you jump back into the dating
pool. There is a lot of BS in the process of dating, both online profiles and
meeting the person for the first time. And there are a lot of reasons for
wanting to date, many of which may not have anything to do with a relationship.
That’s fine. I’m not interested in casual sex or building up my network of friends.
I’m interested in a relationship. If that’s your perspective as well,
perhaps these questions will provide some clarity out there in the ambiguous
world of dating.
1.
Are you ready for a relationship or
are you dating for fun and nighttime activities?
2.
Do you have a good sense of what
makes you happy?
3.
What are the traits you are looking
for in a partner? Is physical beauty number one or is it intellectual
compatibility?
4.
How would a good first date
experience look and feel?
5.
As you progress
along the dating experience with someone, how would do it unfold in
your mind?
When you come
to a relationship there has got to be a physical attraction—that’s a basic
requirement, no matter the spiritual side of it. After we’ve done the “hi I
think you’re cute” date we can both move on to what’s next. I’m noticing a new
variation on the theme for me. When I’m meeting a woman for the first time, I
get one of three responses:
Negative: There’s
no chemistry at all. The feeling may or may not be mutual. But there’s no
moving forward for me.
Neutral: There
might be chemistry, there might be a spark, but the response, or resonance with
the other person is a bit less clear. Perhaps they are not in an excitable
place. Perhaps they don’t show their happiness in the same way I do. Or maybe
they’re having a “meh” reaction and are having a hard time letting me
know.
Positive: These are
so rare for me, that I’m certain that they are the harbingers of a real relationship
potential. These are the women who light up visually and verbally in our
conversation. You don’t have to ask about a next date, because you’ve already
begun planning things, or imagining things to do together.
What I’ve found
about these three situations is interesting. The -1 response is an easy No. The
+1 response is also an easy Yes. But the ones one can get really confused about
are the neutrals. And I think I’ve found myself pursuing neutrals even when I
know the HIT is not there.
Why?
Because there are so few positives
So few women that light up the way I imagine I light
up.
So few women who are clear enough about what they
want, and that find what I am has some of those qualities.
So few ‘YES’ responses
So I push on the maybe dates a bit too hard.
I’m learned. The YES is going to come from a
Positive. When I am going after a neutral, I’m really compromising.
So let’s make a
pact. In our next round of dating “work” I want you to commit to pursuing only
the clear YES women.
Everything else
is a distraction.
Your goal is a relationship, and then a
Relationship, and then a RELATIONSHIP. I’m not sure what those steps mean, but
I am sure that it will only begin with a YES.
From here on,
NO and MAYBE are the same response. Look for a YES and seek it whenever
the right woman, who’s answered most of the questions above for herself, shows
up and asks, “What’s next?”
Written by John
McElhenney
#its_all_about_relationship
#oluthomas
#Oluthomas_sharing_the_love
https://m.facebook.com/oluthomasshare
Your views and thoughts are most welcome...
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