THE ROLE OF QUARRELS IN YOUR LOVE LIFE

THE ROLE OF QUARRELS IN YOUR LOVE LIFE

 

In our last post someone asked if it is good to be having quarrels/ misunderstandings in a love relationship, or if its a sign that the relationship won't work. I replied the question and I feel like sharing the answer with you. This question makes me remember this scene from the film #THE_NOTEBOOK:

"We are already fighting

Yes we are... That's what we do.

You tell me when am being arrogant...

and I tell you when you are being a pain in the ass...

Am not afraid to hurt your feelings...

But we have to work on this...

I want you. I want all of you.

Forever. Every seconds."

#Misunderstandings are good if they are use in the right way for the right reasons. Many marriages crashed because they try NOT to #quarrel... (though it is impossible not to quarrel) in which case one party became victimized and when she/he can't take it no more... They Quit. I have never met a #perfect_match that never disagree on one thing, who still last a life-time in marriage. We are created different We have different background and upbringing We have different world view therefore We can't make the same submission though We must arrive at the same conclusion.

One important rule for intending couples is never to accept now what you will in future reject. Or reject now what you will in future accept.

 (even for married couples of 0-5yrs in marriage). 

Don't because of trying to avoid misunderstanding keep quiet... If you know you can bear it, now and forever, You can keep quiet, but if not... Dear speak out to let it be iron out and settled. But if it can't be settled please forget the relationship (if its in marriage you - both husband and wife- must find ALL possible ways to resolve it... Because they have failed to iron it out in their courtship, one of the two may bear the consequence or the two share it). The only unacceptable thing is to continue to have arguments and misunderstandings on the SAME ISSUE ALL THE TIME. This in itself is a testament that that particular issue has not been iron out thoroughly... and its a deal-breaker!

Misunderstandings and quarrels are great compass that test every love relationship, and the outcome of which tell us the lifespan of such relationship, if both parties involved are truthful to themself.

God bless you.

#Oluthomas

#oluthomas_sharing_the_love

https://m.facebook.com/oluthomasshare

Your views and thoughts are most welcome...

PARENTING: IMPROVING YOUR MOTHER-DAUGHTER RELATIONSHIP

 IMPROVING MOTHER-DAUGHTER RELATIONSHIP

Daughters are a blessing. Every woman wishes for one except maybe for a few who would rather have all boys. Most of the time, however there exist a strain on a Mother-Daughter (M-D) relationship for no just reason. In science, the opposite attracts, one would wonder if this theory is applicable to human relationships too. Poor M-D relationships are less discussed & it appears or feels to be a more "dysfunctional" issue because it is believed that women are more nurturing & social than boys & men. This ofcourse should prevent any serious conflicts between mothers & their female children.

The most intricate issue, however, is the fact that this situation is like a vicious cycle. Daughters seems to be closer to their fathers (though not in all cases) & could eventually look for their father's stereotyped when it is time for them to choose life partners (Watch out for more on this on Fathers day: How fathers can help their daughters' marriage).

Once in a while, a lot of women wonder why they just can't get along with their daughters, especially during their teenage years. M-D are not always enemies. When your girl is a toddler, you are more like a goddess to her. She want to be like you (esp. If you are fashionable), she dress up like you & do everything she sees you doing: Wear lipstick, model your earrings & wear your high heels. She just want to be like Mommy. The scenerio is like this until she is about 13, then you gradually become the most ignorant, out-of-touch creature on the planet, & she want to be far away from you. Then somewhere between her 20s & 30s, you become her best friend again.

There is something sacred about the M-D relationship, when a mother is absent from her daughter's life, it leaves both women feeling empty & less whole. This could eventually lead to a situation of low self esteem, dating & relationship problems, feelings of worthlessness & or depression. One cannot lay the blame for a dysfunctional M-D relationship on either the mother or the daughter's door. Both might grow apart being busy with different things for different reasons. But mothers should be careful to do things that will accord them the opportunity to remain or become their daughter's best friends.

TIPS FOR MOTHERS

*Have a solid foundation in your faith & Communicate it early to your daughter. This will always afford you a common ground to have your daughter as partners in prayer. Prayer time with them on pertinent or common issue will always give you opportunity to know what is really going on in their life. Don't only pray for them... Pray together with them.

*Show them love the way they want it. The fastest way to being out of your daughter's life is ignoring what they want ALL the time & giving them what you think is right for them ALL the time. Yes we love them & don't want them to make a mistake but most-times they won't learn & grow if they NEVER make mistakes!

*Understand the Seasons. The time you live as a young lady, no matter how liberal & exposed you are, is totally different from theirs. Understand this & you will open your mind to the possibility of knowing whats going on in their world. You lose them faster if all you know is "during our time".

*Be adventurous. This follow trying to think & see the world the way they sees it. As an elder, then you will be able to juxtapose & assess their differing world views thereby striking a balance between the old & the new!

*Learn to listen to them rather than giving them a piece of your mind in all issue! Listening to them without an eye on judging them will help them to come to you without reservation.

*Be playful. Yes! Life struggles & strains have make most mothers lost touch with the reality that life is fun. We can have fun in everything we do... Be it cooking together, watching films together (more fun if you let them choose the movie), shopping, doing home work together, or just frequent time-out with them. Desire to catch fun with them & they will see you as one of their own.

*Trust your daughter. If you have given them your faith from the beginning you must trust them: to make the right choice for themselves. Trust their talents & ability. Allow them to fail even in trying, trust them & show them that they have what it takes to make it in whatever goal they set their heart to achieve.

*Be there for them. And never get tired of being there for them! They will make mistakes, they will blow their chances. But don't use that to give them a piece of your heart talk, but a piece of your compassion. Nobody would want to brush aside a compassionate mother.

Don't wait till you are older: do it now!

Originally writen by Taiwo Monica of The Nigerian Tribune
 *Tips written by #Oluthomas

Https://m.facebook.com/oluthomasshare

Your views are most welcome...

5 Ways To Honour Your Wife.

How do you start honouring the love of your life if you’ve lost sight of what that means in your marriage? How do you continue to improve the ways you honor your partner if you’ve actually been OK at doing this over the years? For me, it begins with five simple, powerful steps …

1. SERVE. I think honor begins when we choose to serve. In one of my former posts, I talked about the power of servanthood in a marriage. I believe in this big time. If you want success in your marriage, choose to put your wife’s needs above your own, always! (As she should also do with yours.) Choose to serve her. Nothing spells “honour” greater than servanthood.

2. LISTEN. Guys, lets be honest—we have a listening problem … most of the time. Factor in a game on TV, or our ultra-distracting iPhones, and we go completely dark. Our wives want to be heard. They want to know we are listening. Most of us have spent all day working amongst other adults, and many of our wives have, too. But if your bride stays at home with your children, she has not had the same interaction with adults as you have. Put down the phone, turn off the TV, and listen.

3. ENGAGE. You and I can listen, and still not be engaged. Did you know this? There’s a difference. I can hear my wife’s words and still remain uninvolved or disconnected. It’s an ongoing struggle for me. Engagement is participation in the conversation. Nodding and saying “uh-huh,” doesn’t cut it. This is not true interaction fellas! I can call you out on this one because I’ve been guilty far too often of doing the same thing. Try this: along with your “uh-huhs” and nods, repeat what she’s saying to you so she knows she is being understood. This will force you to understand it and engage with her.

4. STAND. Chances are, one of the reasons she married you was that she knew you would fight for her, and stand with her, through life’s biggest battles. Somewhere in your vows, that was present. That whole “knight in shining armor” thing? It’s real! She needs a version of that, just as you need her to be strong for you and supportive in other ways. She needs a soldier who will fight for her, honour her, and stand next to her when she’s down for the count. Whether in the home or the workplace outside of the home, society pulls no punches in degrading and lowering the value of women. Be her buffer, her source of strength, her champion. And she’ll be yours. It’s not that she can’t defend herself. She can. But it’s harder—and lonelier—to do it alone. So be ready to take her side, to stand by her side and defend her.

5. LOVE. I’m not talking about excessive public displays of affection, like you see between love-struck couples in a mall or a park. None of us really wants to see that. What I’m talking about is actions that demonstrate the love you have for her.

*Hold her hand when you walk together.

*Make sure your children see you hug and kiss her all the time.

*Make sure they know that she is forever your bride and forever your love.

True love is built on investment, not affection. Affection is a dividend.

How you treat your partner will affect how your children love their future spouses. Your kids will seek out partners based on what they see in you (Yikes, pressure’s on!) and follow the dynamics and patterns that you model and exemplify in your own relationship. If honour forms the core of your marriage, it will form the core of theirs, too.

So, it is a big question: “Will you honour her?” Sometimes, life gets in the way and we lose sight. Don’t beat yourself up if that’s you. Pick yourself up, fail forward, and start over. That’s what life is all about—do overs! If you need a road map, I’ve personally found the 5 ways I just shared to be a great starting point. They’ve helped me tremendously. And they can help you, too.

Your views and thoughts are most welcome...

What A Wise Old Farmer Taught Me About Love

It's All About Planting: Planting Seeds!

 

His tiny spoon clanks down on to the side of his white plate as he fumbles to grasp his cup of coffee.

He is in no rush, and it seems that he has never had a rushed moment in his entire life.

He looks up at me and asks, “So, what was it that you wanted to ask me?”

This man, who I had admired from a distance for years, was now sitting in front of me, granting me access to his brilliant brain for the next forty-five minutes.  I wasn’t about to waste them.

“If you could go back thirty years and tell your younger self something, what would it be?”

He took a deep breath in as if to suck the words out of the air to let them wash around in his mind. He paused. He always paused.

He looked out the window for what seemed to be an eternity. It could have been five seconds, or five minutes. Time changed when you were around him.

He then turned his head to meet my gaze and I could see the endless depth of experience in his eyes. This was a man who had truly lived his life.

“It’s all about planting seeds.”

I didn’t make a sound in hopes that he would continue.

“Life… business… love… it’s ALL about planting seeds.”

He set down his cup of coffee and leaned forwards on his elbows.

“And I’m not just saying this because I’m a farmer. It’s true.”

“Most people these days are so concerned with what results they’re getting… now… today. They’re too impatient. If you approach your life with the mindset of ‘What seeds did I plant today in my life?’ then you’ll do just fine.”

“Can you give me some examples?” I asked him.

“Well, sure. If you’re worried about not having enough #money, plant some seeds in your #financial_life. Start some projects that will pay you long-term, not short-term. Stop looking for the quick wins… start looking to plant more seeds.”

“If you feel like there isn’t enough fun or stimulation or #fulfillment in your life, start planting seeds. Dabble in new #hobbies, be a beginner at something, learn to always be investing into yourself and your sense of wonder in the world.”

“If you feel like the love in your #relationship is dwindling, it might be because, at some point, you stopped #planting_seeds. Start telling her how #beautiful she is, tell her what she brings to your life, start going on #dates with her again, clear out the #communication channels and start remembering why you used to stay up the whole night thinking about her. Just keep planting seeds.”

“It’s so simple, yet so powerful,” I mirrored back to him.

“I’m glad you think so, son. It’s the only advice I got. If I could go back in time and tell myself one simple thing… it’d be to concern myself with planting seeds more than I concerned myself with the immediate results I got. The #ego wants immediate results… but your #sense_of_satisfaction and emotional fulfillment wants to know what seeds you’ve been planting. That’s it, that’s all.”

 Bottom-line: If You Want Love, Plant the Seed of Love not just One, But as Many as you desire in Harvest!

Written by Jordan Gray

 




Your views and thoughts are most welcome...

DATING: Before The Game Start Again! (2)

...We  are indeed sorry for posting this very late, it is to re-organize and to serve you better.
Always remember us in your prayers.

Continued from part 1…

Watch Your Attitude

You know who is pretty much always unattractive? Captain Negativity!

You know the guy: the one who’s pissed off and bitter about everything. Give him a moment and he’ll talk your ear off about how life sucks and everything’s unfair, how women are cruel because they won’t give him a chance and it’s all about those 20% of guys who get to fuck 80% of the women and everyone else is just screwed man. He’s the one who’s the first to complain about his dating life and then turn right around and get angry when you try to help him fix it. Everything’s too hard, or too arbitrary or too something and there’s no point in trying to fix it because reasons and also misandry so there.

Can’t imagine why they don’t have women lined up around the block, huh?

Dating is about 10% looks, 20% skill and 70% attitude.

Your attitude is, hands down, the biggest indicator of whether or not you’ll succeed in dating. A positive attitude goes a very long way towards helping you improve, and makes people want to hang around you more. A negative attitude helps ensure failure by creating a self-fulfilling prophecy and ensures that people will avoid you. See, studies have found that emotions are contagious; the moods of the people around us affect how we feel. We like positive, friendly, optimistic people because they make us feel good too. On the flip-side, we try to avoid negative, unhappy people because they drag us down with them.

Your attitude will make or break you, no matter how good looking you are or how superficially charming you may be. No matter how hot somebody is, nobody is going to put up with their shit for very long if all they do is moan and cry and complain.

Don’t get me wrong: nobody is saying you can’t be frustrated or confused or upset or that you have to be a complete Pollyanna in order to make dating easier. But people respond to your attitude, and a bitter, resentful outlook on life is going to push even the most determined of individuals away.

Keep It In Perspective

One of the issues I see come up when people are trying to get better at dating is that they get tunnel vision. This happens all the time in the pick-up scene; their entire life is about being a PUA. Everything they do revolve around trying to pick up women. It’s all they talk about with their friends. It’s all they read about. It’s all they think about. Just about every waking moment in their lives is focused on getting women to fuck them. And you know what? Despite focusing their entire lives on the subject of getting laid they weren’t doing all that well.

It happens in regular people too. They’ve become so determined to find a girlfriend that it becomes all they talk about, all they think about… and that’s a problem.

It’s easy an easy trap to fall into. On the surface, it feels like you’re throwing yourself into it, as though you were trying to train like an Olympic athlete. But what you end up doing is retarding your own progress. Devoting time and energy to practice is good – it’s a vital way to improve any skill and dating is a skill — but there comes a point when you’re overdoing it… on just about every level.

I realize this is an odd thing for a dating coach to say but: dating isn’t the most important thing in the world. In fact, when you’re putting your entire focus on your dating life then you’re actually doing yourself a massive disservice.

I mean, sure, you’re here because you’re trying to date better…

…but rather than making dating easier, making getting better at dating the center of your universe actually makes it harder.

It is possible you end up getting in your own way, and people who don’t keep things in perspective tend to do just that.

So how do you avoid this problem? Well… by not focusing so goddamned hard. See, getting better at dating is a holistic practice. If you want to get better at dating, you want to be a better person and that means leading an interesting, fulfilling and well rounded life. Getting more involved in your life as a whole makes dating easier because it makes you a more interesting person.

Dating and relationships are a part of life, not the entirety of it.

Take A Break

Sometimes the most important part of trying to get better at dating is to stop.

It can be easy to get frustrated, especially when you’re constantly working at it. Practice is all well and good but you need time off to recover; in fact, if you’re not taking any time off from practice then you’re actually not going to improve. You need time to process what you’ve learned, to recoup your mental and emotional energy.

This is doubly true if you’re having problems with your dating life. When you’re experiencing nothing but failure again and again and again, throwing yourself back into the pit is going to shred your ego and destroy your confidence. Take yourself out of the game for a little while. Stop focusing on dating, and everything related to your love life and just be for a while. Sometimes you need to take a step outside of the dating world and practice a little self-indulgence for a while.

Taking a break lets you relax and gain some much needed perspective. It lets all of those emotional muscles unclench and loosen up while you put your focus elsewhere. It frees up emotional and mental bandwidth that you can devote to other aspects of your life, allowing you to re-prioritize and work on yourself a little. Taking that time off helps you improve. A little vacation from your dating woes means when you do come back, you’ll be feeling tanned, rested and ready to give the old town a wedgie again.

But most importantly, that break can make dating easier on you. It lets you rebuild your ego and restores your confidence. The best way to make dating easier is to make it easier on you.

Written by Dr. Nerdlove

Your views and thoughts are most welcome...