PHYSICAL ATTRACTION: Idiosyncratic Attraction!

YOUR FIRST ATTRACTION MIGHT BE LIKE A MOVIE TRAILER... Obviously, physical attraction is an important element for people of all genders and sexual orientations, but physical attraction is just the movie trailer in your relationship: fast and flashy, visually stunning, emotionally intense and musically catchy. Sometimes, previews are the best part of a movie. Other times, the movie stands on its own, connected to but also separate from the trailer’s narrative. Sometimes, movies unwind in precisely the way that the preview suggests they will, but that’s rare and worse, disappointing. Most of the time, though, when we crush hard on a movie, it’s not because it fulfills our expectations and artistic standards but because it subverts and defies them. This is what loves does: making us happy in ways we didn’t ask for and simultaneously ignoring other things we were convinced we couldn’t live without. Love is a peculiar object. A odd piece of cinematography. A strange and beautiful soundtrack inside your head. Like the movies we fall in love with, true love always has a certain je-ne- sais-quoi to it, something that can’t be reduced to formulae, film directing or attributes. Whatever it is that we find beautiful in the (wo)man we love, our love happens in mysterious and bizarre ways that don’t add up with romantic arithmetic. When we fall in love, we elude our own logic, prediction, control and typology. Love, in that way, is incredibly grounding because it connects us to our immediate life while defying our expectations of reality, every part of us plugged in at once. When you break it all down, love is often about idiosyncratic beauty (a term I first coined in my first novel, BLANK). IB is behavior unique or peculiar to a specific person as well as a distinctive or particular quality or characteristic of a thing that we grow to love and appreciate. Idiosyncratic beauty is eccentric beauty that hits us in just the right way. It becomes connected somehow to how we feel for that person. When we’re talking about love, we’re talking both about the person and also about the process of loving that person, which is why both definitions are crucial. Let me give you some examples: a woman who loves the scar on her boyfriend’s cheek more than anything about his body, a man who falls in love when watches his girlfriend paint cartoon fruit in her pajamas, a man who loves his boyfriend in part because he looks like Robert Benigni and tells stories in a quirky, awkward and broken English, a woman who is reminded of her love for her fiancée every time she says certain words, a man who realizes he’s in love all over again when he secretly hears his wife babbling in her sleep or reading E. E. Cummings poems out loud in the bathtub, a woman who watches her husband talking to their kids’ stuffed animals, a man watches his girlfriend dancing at a hipster bar dressed like a Chinese superhero. In every case, there’s something unique and special about that person that we find beautiful. At times, it just overwhelms us. Sometimes, it could be as simple as noticing that her socks don’t match. Watching him open the door for old women. Seeing her talk to neighborhood children like a pirate. Noticing him messing up his grandmother’s hair at the dinner table. Listening to him sing arias in horrendous fake German. Smelling burnt toast every time she offers to make breakfast. The point is, it doesn’t fucking matter if the whole world thinks you’re insane, if your reasons seem wack, if you’re not even making sense when you try to explain what the hell is going on. The only thing that matters is that there’s something about that person that devastates, touches and irradiates you, that moves, inflames and arouses you, that delights, surprises and confuses you, something you’re not even sure you can isolate or transliterate into language. Something you know is there connecting the two of you together like sticky celestial fibers. So tell us, what about you? How is your partner idiosyncratically beautiful? What are some of the idiosyncratically beautiful things about your girlfriend, boyfriend, husband, wife, partner, lover or secret crush? Tell us about them in the comments below. —- Written by JIHN BLISS Your views are most welcome...

EVEN AFTER YOU MARRY... YOU MUSTN'T STOP DATING!

“I have a confession to make.

I’m dating someone even though I’m married.

She’s an incredible girl.

She’s beautiful, smart, cunning, strong, and has an immensely strong faith in God.

I love to take her out to dinner, movies, local shows, and always tell her how beautiful she is.

I can’t remember the last time I was mad at her for longer than five minutes, and her smile always seems to brighten up my day no matter the circumstances.

Sometimes she will visit me at work unannounced, make me an incredible lunch, or even surprise me with something she personally baked.

I can’t believe how lucky I am to be dating someone even though I am married. I encourage you to try it and see what it can do for your life.

Oh! Did I mention the woman I am dating is my wife? What did you expect?

Just because you’re married, doesn’t mean your dating life should end.

 I need to continue to date my wife even after I marry her.

Pursuing my wife shouldn’t stop just because we both said, “I do.” Way too many times do I see relationships stop growing because people stop taking the initiative to pursue one another.

Dating is a time where you get to learn about someone in a special and unique way. Why would you want that to ever stop? It shouldn’t. Those butterflies you got on the first date shouldn’t stop just because the years have passed. Wake up each day and pursue your spouse as if you are still on your first few dates. You will see a drastic change for the better in your relationship.

 

When it comes to any relationship, communication and the action of constant pursuit is key. Nobody wants to be with someone who doesn’t want to pursue them whole- heartedly. I encourage you to date your spouse, pursue them whole-heartedly, and understand that dating shouldn’t end just because you said, “I do.” - Jarrid Wilson”

I AND MY LADY MADE THAT DECISION LONG AGO... GOD HELP US.

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10 'Ifs' TO CREATING A LOVING RELATIONSHIP

If you can hold in mind your love for each other and keep that before you at times of great difficulty and in all situations…

 If you can make being right less important than being connected, and instead work toward harmony and grace…

If you can keep your head while everything in you screams for revenge, and come back to the table with compassion and compromise…

If your relationship can be your first priority and not last place in your day….

If you can use empathy like a mighty sword to cut through your pain, instead of being like a rock or an island…

If you can surrender to your mate when all that is in you wants to leave, yet continue on with consideration and kindness…

If you can hear complaints and respond with understanding and not give way to contempt and rage…

If you can recognize that conflict is normal and trust is earned, and still be reliable and loving…

If you can appreciate that love is not a given but is created from being a loving person…

If you can become the person that you most admire and treat the ones you love with kindness and consideration… …

You will create a loving relationship

Written by Dr. Bill Cloke


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A GUY’S UNUSUAL LOVE LETTER TO HIS GIRL... Written 30yrs ago!

A GUY’S UNUSUAL LOVE LETTER TO HIS GIRL

I am not commanding you to do what I am getting ready to request. It is a concession on your part, if you so chose. I would like you to stop eating any foods that have Caffeine (C₈H₁₀N₄O₂) in them. I know God has a time for all of us to go, but we both believe in cause and effect: you reap whatever you sow.

If Jesus has given me more knowledge of food, I want you to know that too. Your long-term health is important to me because I love you and want you with me as I go through life. But also want our kids strong and straight… without any possible problems. Both caffeine and saccharin (C₆H₄(CO)(SO₂)NH) are problem causers. Your body is the biggest influence on our children’s formative stages… before we can even touch them, you set the pace!

I can feel the same responsibility about my body and I have stopped eating many other things so that if and when I married and had children, I could tell them when we grow up that I guarded my eating habits to give them the best start out of the blocks that I could.

We need to assume responsibility for our children now.

If we do all we have been given knowledge about, God will honour and protect the rest.

“Don’t you know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and who was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourselves but to God; he bought you for a price. So use your bodies for God’s glory… A wife is not the master of her own body, but her husband is; in the same way a husband is not the master of his own body, but his wife is.”

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8 EASY WAYS WE DRAIN JUICE OUT OF OUR LOVE LIFE... this might be all you need to turn your love life around for good!

Love is a hot and tricky topic—we all say we want it but once we find it, why is it so damn hard to keep it?

Here are 8 common ways we unwittingly ruin love:

1. Skim over past pain. This one is a biggie. Once we pass the age of 16, the likelihood of experiencing hurt, disappointment, or betrayed is 100%. Not taking the time to feel the pain from our past keeps it alive and present in the here and now. We may love the one we’re with, but we also project all over them. When we have old pain that hasn’t been processed, we carry it into our current relationship. You can’t skim over or positive think your way out of emotional pain, and when we try to stuff our emotions, we’ll find a way to make our current partner pay for the past sins of others because pain wants to be processed. Take care of your past so your present can be happy.

2. Over think everything. Remember the phrase paralysis by analysis? Over thinking and over analyzing someone’s every word, move or intention kills any chance of intimacy or connection. Worrying and trying to figure out someone’s intention versus taking them at face value is a sign of emotionally operating from the past in an effort to stay safe in the present. It’s hyper vigilance at it’s best and that best, brings out your worst. Even if your current lover has hurt you in the past, expecting them to hurt you again almost guarantees they will because you’re hyper sensitive versus relaxed and present. Remember, we see what we expect to see — stay in the now moment.

3. Protect yourself emotionally. Keeping one foot out emotionally to protect yourself just in case things don’t work out is like trying to consistently drive 65 mph while tapping your brake every other minute. You’re not going to get anywhere in love by holding back. Sure, respect your own boundaries, but remember falling in love is just that—freely falling. Too often we experience hurt and never really let go again. Take your foot off the brake and trust.

4. Confuse drama-free with complacency. We all agree that a drama filled relationship is bad, while feeling a sense of safety in love is good—right? Unfortunately it becomes easy to fall into complacency when we’re not feeling mentally challenged or aware of any need to be on our toes. There’s a place of balance between safety and complacency. Taking for granted that you have someone forever, and forgetting to turn on the charm and attention you give towards others, fosters feelings of complacency, boredom and being taken for granted. It takes two to do the hot passionate dance of tango, don’t drop your partner’s hand and expect them to keep dancing for you.

5. Stop making eye contact. Eyes are the windows to the soul. Let’s face it, life is busy and over time it becomes a little too easy to navigate getting out of the house in the morning without even making eye contact with the one we love. It may sound small, but eye contact is intimate. Intimacy in the bedroom starts with intimate contact throughout the day. Look at one another.

6. Assume you know your partner inside and out. Even if you met at birth, spent every day together and have talked for hours, there is no way to know everything about another human being. We are all individuals with individual thoughts, perceptions, and emotional experiences. People change over time, so don’t assume that your partner’s hopes, dreams and desires haven’t — continue to get to know your partner as though you don’t, because the truth is, it’s not possible to know everything about another no matter how long you’ve been together.

7. Forget that the past does not equal the future. Whether you’ve been hurt by another or hurt by your current partner, remaining in the present moment is non negotiable when it comes to love. The past does not equal the future. It never has and it never will. Have a relationship with the person in front of you now, not the ghost from yesterday.

8. Stop touching. The two largest influences on our sex drive come from our skin and our brain. Relationships are hot in the beginning because we’re touching and kissing, as well as talking and questioning one another— constantly. Stimulating the brain got covered in #6 above, so lets move on to touching. As time goes by, too many couples get lazy about touching for no particular reason. When we touch the one we love, the hormone oxytocin is produced and provides a huge opportunity for connection. Oxytocin is one hell of a powerful love drug. Talking stimulates the brain, while touching stimulates everything else. Touch one another a lot.

Draining the Love Juice?

Ultimately, these eight ways are, in essence, ways we block the flow of love that is already here. Or, in the poetic words of Rumi, “Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” 

culled from http://www.goodmenproject.com/

WARNING: #4,5 & 8 ARE STRICTLY ABOUT MARRIED COUPLES!

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