After one of my write up on engagement, I came across a book that was written
by Pastor Chris Ojigbani, titled I Want
to Marry You. As helpful and informative as the book is, I find some things
I personally didn’t agree with, which is about engagement, betrothal and courtship. This makes me to research more
and find out more fact and truths and establish my conclusion. This article is
my findings and response to his insinuations about betrothal. I must say that his definition and meaning and practice
of betrothal is bias in that though the bible did not mention it, he use only
the Jewish culture as his basis of it. Also he limited himself to how it was
practice at the inception, without regard for its development and how it is now
being practice even among the Jews, whose tradition of betrothal, like many
others, have been affected by their contact with the west over the years.
Meaning
According
to thesaurus, Betrothal is a mutual promise to marry. It’s a verbal commitment by one person to another,
agreeing to do (or not to do) something in the future.[1]
This agrees with many other dictionaries as found on the same web page. But
according to the Catholic encyclopedia, betrothal is the giving of one’s troth
– that is, one’s true faith or promise.[2]
This simply implies that betrothal is giving one’s highest sincere promise
about marrying someone in the future.
Historical Development
Jewish
and Roman laws and customs must have influenced the early practice of the
Church concerning betrothal. The Jewish laws of marriage and consequently
betrothal were based in a great deal on the supposition that it was a PURCHASE! But Rome at the beginning of Christian era had
ceased to consider marriage as wife-purchase.
At that time marriage and even betrothal was purely a civil compact, verbally
concluded, but later betrothal was looked upon as simply as a contract
of future marriage, stronger indeed than the Engagement, since to
enter into a betrothal compact was held to be as infamous as Bigamy itself.[3]
Betrothal
is not known either to the Bible or to the Talmud, and only crept in among the Medieval and modern Jews through the influence of other nations
among whom they dwell. Biblically, there
are scriptural passages that refer to a kind of negotiation which is a
requirement for the arranging of a marriage which were conducted directly by
the two families or indirectly through their deputies or representatives, which
usually require the consent of the prospective bride.[4]
The major example of this is Joseph and Mary, the mother of Jesus; they were
betrothed to marry each other before her divine pregnancy. (Matthew 1:18 “Now
the birth of Jesus Christ was on this wise: When his mother Mary had been
betrothed to Joseph, before they came together she was found with child of the
Holy Spirit.” (ASV) Note: ASV render it betroth;
HSCV call it engaged; while KJV reads
espoused). This means that over
time betrothal has come to mean engagement!
Marriage has historically been so frequently a matter
of alliance between kin
groups that mate selection has been removed from the hands of the participants
and negotiated by important or assigned representatives of each group. In many,
but by no means all, such cases, betrothal has been marked by various forms and
degrees of mutual visits and gift exchange between the two families (note:
bride price not inclusive).[5]
Culturally, almost all culture
practice or still practice betrothal directly on in its upgraded form. In
Africa, and especially among the Yorubas as well as I can glean from reading
Chinua Achebe’s books, among the Igbos too, families used to betroth their
children to each other, even as early as when the baby is in the womb at
pregnancy stage, mainly for the purpose of solidifying their relationships,
peace etc. The betrothal in this sense did no include the bride price, as that
was the last to be done and when that is done the marriage must be consummated
soon afterwards. What betrothal entails is just a verbal or symbolic agreement
that has witnesses and which is binding on all, including the bride even when
she is not yet of age, as well as the groom. The only thing that was allowed
was taking little responsibility as an in-law to be.
According
to Ojigbani, betrothal “can be defined as a marriage relationship in which a
couple is required to live apart for
a period of time after payment of bride price.”[6]
This is highly limited to the Jewish culture of yester years alone, and
according to the Jewish encyclopedia, after having contacts with the western
people, this arrangement was felt to be inconvenient and out of harmony with
the prevailing views. It therefore become customary to perform the entire
marriage ceremony: betrothal and
home-taking, which is the actual joining, at the same time, just like the
Yoruba people of Nigeria now conduct their wedding ceremony and engagement (Idana) together on the same day which differs from the initial
tradition which says the engagement
which is the paying of the bride price, occurs earlier and that it was at the
occasion (idana) that the day of the actual wedding is fixed.
Concluding
the article, the encyclopedia declare that, “there is NOW no legal
duration between betrothal and marriage, the length of the engagement being left
entirely to the options of the parties
concerned.”[7] Conclusively,
I believe that according to the submission above, betrothal has come to be embedded in engagement period, as few
culture still pledge their sons and daughters in marriage before they are of
age. Even in such cultures, betrothal mean pledge to marry in the future which
has lost it certainty as the freedom of choice can still inflict a deadly blow
on such, and since there are no law that treat betrothal as marriage anymore,
which require a divorce for it break, betrothal has no real power of permanence
again, therefore the man and the lady are no longer recognized as husband and
wife living apart as claim by
Ojigbani.
Your views are most welcome...
[1]
“Betrothal,” the free dictionary, http://www.thefreedictionary.com/_/dict.aspx?rd=1&word=betrothal
accessed on August 29, 2013.
[2] Meehan,
A. (1907). “Betrothal,” In the Catholic
Encyclopedia, New York:
Robert Appleton Company. Retrieved August 29, 2013 from New Advent: http://www.newadvent.org/cathan/02537c.htm
[3] Ibid.
[4]
“Betrothal” the Jewish Encyclopedia, http://www.jewishencyclopedia.com/articles/3229-betrothal
original unedited of which can be found in the 1906 of the same book. Accessed
August 29, 2013
[5] Betrothal (2012). Encyclopædia
Britannica, Encyclopædia Britannica Ultimate Reference Suite. Chicago: Encyclopædia
Britannica.
[6]
Ojigbani, Chris (2005), I Want to Marry
You. U.S.A.:
Xulon press. Pp 40
[7] the Jewish Encyclopedia, http://www.jewishencyclopedia.com/articles/3229-betrothal
