Do you have enough time to heal properly?
It takes time to heal, sometimes days, others times
weeks, and in some cases years. We don’t as a general rule, allow for this
time. Maybe it is because our lives are so fast paced, or because we feel
we can’t or maybe because we have been trained to expect immediate
everything. No matter why, the truth is, we have adopted a philosophy of
healing which just doesn’t allow for time.
I can attest to the need for time. About a month
ago, I fell, tore my meniscus, maybe other ligaments too. Initially, I
walked on it, was back at work the next morning, out with the family, driving
the care … essentially acting like it was a little thing that would resolve its
self quickly. After a few days, and lots of swelling, I understood I had
done more than twist it a little.
It took me about four weeks to relax into the
awareness of just how much time it will take to heal my knee. In that
time, I went through lots of varying emotions from contentment, to pain, to
fear (a big one) and with the encouragement of my chosen healers, Tricia
Cole RN and Stacie Ford DC, I began to slowly just accept time.
See, I can’t rush healing. No one can. I can’t
push harder to get past an injury if I want to be healthy for the long
term. I have to honor the process of the body, send love and
encouragement to it, respect the work it is doing and allow my body space
within which to heal. Something we rarely do. Too often, our
perceived responsibilities get preference ahead of rest, nutrition or therapy
and unbeknownst to us, we then prolong the time it will take us to heal.
4 Relationship Rules To Live By
October 6, 2014 by 2 Comments
Jordan Gray says that all of our relationships (intimate or otherwise) are so much simpler than we once thought.
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After years of self-reflection, I truly feel like I’ve found the holy grail of relationship mindset.
These four rules encapsulate so much of what I believe to
be true in relationships (intimate or otherwise) that I wanted to refine
them into their simplest possible form before I made them public. Well,
I’m finally happy with them… and so I have decided to put them in
writing.
Here are what I believe to be the four ultimate
relationships rules to live by. Strive to weave each of these into all
of your relationships and I promise you your entire life will benefit.
1. Self-love
Your relationship to others always starts with your relationship to yourself.
If you are stingy with your love towards yourself, you will be stingy with your love towards others.
Make it an absolutely non-negotiable fact in your life
that you will make your own happiness and fulfillment your #1 priority.
If you aren’t brimming with love and fulfillment then you will only be a
small fraction of your usual self and your love will merely be a
watered down imitation.
It’s so easy to let life get in the way and tell ourselves
that we don’t have time to take care of ourselves. But this is the same
thing as saying “I’m too busy driving to stop for gas.” Eventually
you’re going to burn out on the side of the road (and the repairs will
be much more expensive compared to if you had just done your regular
maintenance).
Do whatever is necessary to keep yourself happy and
balanced. Take down time. Get a massage. Eat clean and sleep well.
Cuddle. Decompress. Read fiction books before bed to let your mind wind
down from your work day. Just do it.
If you can’t easily answer the question “how was I
self-loving today?” at the end of each day, then you might need some
serious restructuring of how you run your days.
2. See And Hear People
Every single person in the world wants to feel seen, heard, loved, and understood.
Go the extra mile in helping people feel seen and heard in
your daily life. Whether it’s something as small as actually being
fully present and engaged with the person bagging your groceries, or
listening to your partner with undivided attention when they tell you
about how their day went… letting people feel seen and heard is vitally
important.
It also helps you feel happier, more connected, and more
emotionally fulfilled. How much more enjoyable is a social exchange when
you actually look the person in the eyes and make a real effort to hear
about them and their lives? Intentionally seeing and hearing people in
your life makes them feel more special, and takes you out of the often
repetitive nature of just going through the motions.
So listen hard. Make real eye contact when you hear
people. Remove the distracting TV/cell phone/earbuds and give people
your full attention. Show up in your life and give people the focused
love and attention that they deserve.
3. “How Am I Like That?”
Has anyone ever pissed you off? Trick question! Of course they have.
People cut you off in traffic. People show up late for meetings. People do stupid stuff that isn’t good for them.
Whatever pisses us off about other people (especially the
things that consistently make us angry/upset/frustrated) always point
back to us.
When someone does something and we assume that they’re
doing it for a specific reason, we are projecting our own stuff on to
them and their lives. It’s an assumption that doesn’t serve us… UNLESS
we listen to it.
You can follow down the emotional trigger (of being
angry/upset/mad/frustrated/hurt/etc.) when someone does something that
you don’t like, by asking yourself the question “How am I like that?”
When you do this exercise you A) realize what the root of
your emotional suffering is, and B) you employ one of the most powerful
forces in the entire world… compassion.
You’re pissed off that your friend showed up late for
dinner with you because you used to show up late to things all of the
time and you still haven’t forgiven yourself. You hate that your friend
is a smoker because you aren’t proud of all of the self-destructive
numbing behaviours that you engage in in your own life. You’re angry
that your friend is using Tinder to find dates because you know that you
sometimes also engage in surface level relationships with people that
you’re not that excited about.
Whatever the emotional trigger is that someone else brings
up in you, ask yourself “How am I like that?” and you will get an
extremely valuable window into how you show up in the world.
4. Vulnerability
All of the tricks, hacks, and tips in the world wouldn’t
do a damn thing to help you connect with others unless you courageously
chose to be vulnerable with the people in your life.
Vulnerability isn’t weakness… it takes the ultimate courage.
Vulnerability is about taking off your armour and letting
people know that you don’t have it all figured out. It’s telling people
that you struggle sometimes and you’re often afraid. It’s about being
honest and real with the people in your life who deserve to know the
truest version of you that you can show.
Vulnerability is about knowing how to apologize. It’s
about telling your partner/spouse/friend that you messed up and not
needing to follow it up with a “but…”. It’s about letting people see you
for the beautifully flawed human you are.
Vulnerability takes real mental and emotional strength.
And for every ounce of vulnerability that you deploy out to the world
you get equal amounts of emotional connection in return.
The Four Relationship Rules
That’s it. Self-love, see and hear people, ‘how am I like that?’, and vulnerability.
Try these out in your intimate relationship one at a time and see how your life transforms over night.
You, your partner, your family, and your extended social network will all benefit from your journey towards becoming a more loving an compassionate human being.
I wish you the best of luck in your journey.
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This post originally appeared at JordanGrayConsulting.com
Your views are most welcome...
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