DON'T FORGET YOUR COUPLEHOOD EVEN DURING PARENTHOOD!

 

 

For the first twelve years I knew my wife, I was her one and only. And she was mine. We did everything together. We were “Pete and Gloria”, the couple. Then came our first daughter in 2005. And our second in 2008. I want to say it happened slowly over time, but really it happened very quickly, I went from being first place to second. And I get it.

 

I think I understand the love a mother must have for her children. Somehow the kids understand it too. Lately, they’ve started to remind me: “mommy loves us more”… Mom is quick to remind them: “I love you all equally.. I just love daddy differently.” Then they tackle her when she tries to kiss me. Really, I think she’s being nice. I know the truth. I see it in her eyes. She would walk to the ends of the earth for her girls… She’d do the same for me… but they’d come first.

 

There’s no question, in the trajectory of our time together, we’ve entered a new phase in our relationship. We’ve gone from couplehood to parenthood. The question is: Will we ever see couplehood again? Perhaps the biggest thing we’ve sacrificed for our kids, is the couple-ness that brought us together in the first place.

 

What’s couple-ness?

I think couple-ness is the walks in the park, and the drinks on the beach, and the unscripted Saturdays, and the lazy Sunday evenings that define you and your partner. Our couple-ness is changing. It’s evolving. I don’t want to wait another twenty years to be the folks in the commercial who finally have wine and romance when they realize the kids are grown and they can enjoy that time in their life. And I don’t want to compete with my kids for my wife’s attention because truthfully I think it IS important that they know and believe they’re the most important things in the entire "world" for both of us.

 

I’ve come to one conclusion: maybe I just need to rethink our couple-ness. Last night when the kids went to bed, I went and got ice cream for the wife and I. Butter pecan for her and cookies and cream for me. We had a little couple-ness there watching TV. This morning when I dropped her off at work she gave me the sweetest little kiss and there was a little couple-ness in it, I could tell. Tonight when I get home from work at midnight and she’s already asleep and I brush back her hair hoping she wakes up for a faint second just to say “hi”… there will be a little couple-ness there too. I know it. It turns out, the couple-ness is still there, always there, if we want it to be. I may have gone from first to second, but when it comes to couple-ness I’m still first and sorry kids, that’s never changing!

written by Adrain Millar


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PARENTING: SO THEY ARE CHALLENGED... AND SO WHAT?

WHEN YOU HAVE TO CARE FOR A CHILD THAT MIGHT NEED CARE ALL HIS/HER LIFE!

The aim of this post is to bring up the awareness about SPECIAL NEEDS CHILDREN, so that we all can form a concrete opinion and prepare better as per how to deal with the such situation. I believe the major issue here is THE SURPRISE! Very few people are actually poised or prepared for this kind of experience in life, and if you ask those passing thru it now, you will know that its a situation they didn't prepare or bargain for, yet it happen. Our religious and cultural belief or experiences have not helped in any significant way.

 

Note that no religion can totally remove the influence of the culture of the people from its worship and practices.

 

 But religiously we don't prepare our people enough for this role... Because we believe we have prayed or are praying against it. Until it then happen before we resort to either miracle or FATE!

 

 In Africa, Our culture (talking from Yoruba perspective majorly) has taught us that this kind of children are "ỌMỌ ÒÒṢÀ" meaning they belong to the gods, so they must be returned back to them either thru sacrificing them or sometimes thru special care. Note: albinos are also in this category. And if you look at the challenges facing the albino children and the pain their parent has at raising such in a family you will understand the extent of this.

Having said that, as a Christian I believe strongly in I Corinthians 10:13 "No test has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; He will not let you be tested beyond what you can bear. But when you are tested (with this kind of situation of raising a physically or mentally challenged baby) He will also provide a way out so that you can endure it." (emphasis added).

 

Here is my conclusion over years of seeing and or living with different kinds of this children...

 1. Though I desire their change of situation, I feel special and useful caring for someone. You too should.

 

 2. God never give you more than what you can handle! He is aware of our strength, resources and abilities. He only Trust people who can get the job done, who have the strength and the capability to train and raise such children in order to fulfill a purpose. Sincerely, you don't know how strong you are until you are faced with the only option of being strong for your child. If you are parenting such children, be glad for being considered 'good enough' to handle God's special project.

 

 3. No matter how deformed, physically or mentally challenged anyone is... They are God's. This is why many parents suffer and even fail even at training physically and mentally fit children... They aren't your own! They are God's children in your care... All you need in training them is releasing them to God and receiving instruction on how He want them to be trained. I have noted that many parent failed because they try to train two children the same way! When for the training of each there is need for special specific instruction at times for a successful and efficiently effective upbringing. Note: Purpose may be same but method will surely be different!

 

 4. Having such children to care for is not the end of the world! One of the reason it is difficult is that we want the kind of children that caring for them will fit into our 'normal' preconceived schedule... But it shouldn't be so... If you wont have their time then don't have them! And if you try to have them and you get "more than what you bargain for" then just wake up... Its call to duty.

 

 5. To all: be aware, this situations are real and if you plan to make a family don't let it be a surprise to you!

 

 

 6. No matter how deformed or physically or mentally challenged anybody is, they don't need pity and neither your/our discrimination! Only love, acceptance and care.

 

 7. Depending on the severity of the challenge, it may be hell taking care of or living with such people. And worst still they may not know it! But no matter what, life is life, purpose is purpose; and there is no life without a single purpose... Even if its to teach us loyalty, love, responsibility and endurance!

#oluthomas
#oluthomas_sharing_the_love
#Parenting
#physicallychallenged
#children


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DIVORCE... IT IS MUCH BETTER NOT TO MARRY!

BIBLICAL THOUGHTS ON DIVORCE.

 

 

I'm Writing This On Demand From Friends But With Utmost Sense Of Humility And Responsibility In A Very Sad Mood! These Are Sober Times For The Church. The Fall Of The Strong Is Never A Good News To The Weak. If Our Ego Swells By The Yeast Of Importance At The Calamity Of Others, We Are Bound To Burst Into Chaos.

 

1. These Are Days Pastors, Parents, Internet And Friends Join People Together. No Wonder We Have People Putting Asunder! (No matter through whom you meet, is God leading you to it?)

 

2. No Matter The Modernized Reality Of The 21st Century, Divorce Is Never A Righteous Decision. Divorce Is Never An End To A Failed Marriage, It Is The Beginning Of Fatal Damage!

 

3. We Live In A Time When People Love To Make Choices Without Facing The Consequences. If There Are Differences In A Marriage Between Spouses, Especially When Life Is Threatened, Separation (not divorce) Should Be A Step Towards The Opportunity For Reconciliation!
 

4. Marriages Are Meant For A Lifetime, "Until Death Do Us Part!" You Don't Take A Vow Before The Lord Among His People And Change Your Mind At Wish! (worse still... Go to course to "unvow"!)

 

5. Adultery Is A Reason For Separation In Marriage, But It's Never A License To Re- Marry! Two Wrongs Don't Make A Right!

 

6. If A Pastor's Wife Leaves Him And Joins Another Man, Ministerial Challenges And Pressure From Opposite Sex Do Not Overrule The Scripture! Paul And Jesus Were Single Pastors And They Survived.

 

7. Areas We Are Called Into Self Discipline Include Power, Money And SEX!

 

8. Marriage Is Never A Cure For Untamed Libido, It Is Discipline!

 

9. We Will Not Be Rewarded For Success In Our Secondary Assignments, If We Fail In Our Primary Place Of Service! We Are Not To "Cleave" To Ministry, But To Our Spouses In Marriage!

 

10. Nothing Is Superior To Family In God's Economy! That Has Nothing To Do With My Spouse's Understanding. Once I Make The Choice To Cleave To Her As A Life-Mate, I Have No Right To Rescind From An Oath And Spiritual Affidavit Witnessed By Jesus!

 

11. Sometimes, Spouses Could Be Terrible And Very "Unreasonable", Even Possessed With An Evil Spirit Or Obsessed By Self Or Wrong Influences. The Precedence Of Making Them Our Choices In The First Place, Strips Us Of Any Right To Put Them Away, Until God Initiates The Best Solution Which Could Be Death Or Change!

 

12. Divorce May Not Be Physical. I Daily See Christian Couples Who Are Emotionally And Psychologically Divorced, Yet They Wear "Uniforms" To Church On Sundays!

 

13. Be Well Guided (esp. By God) Before You Say "I Do", And After, You Must Learn To Live With The Consequences Of Your Choices In Life! You Cannot Have Your Cake And Eat It Or Vice Versa!

 

(THIS IS PROBABLY THE UNDERSTANDING PETER HAD THAT MAKE HIM TO CONCLUDE THAT IT IS BETTER NOT TO MARRY!)

Culled and Edited.



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7 REMINDERS FOR BUILDING YOUR CHILDREN

7 Reminders For Building Children*

by S. Truett Cathy,

Founder and Chairman of Chick-fil-A

 

1. Every child I know who overcame long odds and grew into a responsible adult can point to an adult who stepped into his or her life as a friend, mentor, and guide.

 

2. Don’t be too concerned that your children don’t listen to you. But be very concerned that they see everything you do.

 

3. Be so consistent in your discipline that you’re boring.

 

4. Stop arguing in front of your children.

 

5. You may think children have outgrown the desire to be rocked to sleep at night. They haven’t.

 

6. Children will never believe in the covenant of marriage unless they see you living it with their own eyes.

 

7. How do you know if a child needs encouragement? If he or she is breathing.

 

 

* Excerpts taken from Cathy’s 2004 book: It’s Better to Build Boys Than Mend Men

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EVEN THOUGH SHE IS INDEPENDENT, SHE STILL NEED SOME CARE!

As a coach, I have conversations with lots of men and women about dating and chivalry. It’s fun. I love hearing the different ideas, desires and experiences. One debate that comes up rather frequently is the idea that a woman wants to be taken care of. This can trigger passionate responses from some women. “I don’t need a man to take care of me!” “We can take care of ourselves, thank you very much.” And that’s totally valid and true. Women can cake care of themselves.

 

The progress that women have made in the past several decades in politics, business, science, education and other areas is amazing. I celebrate all of that. And I want more. Unlike previous eras, a woman can go her entire life without needing a man for her physical survival. She can work for herself, earn her own salary and build her own retirement savings. She can buy her own house and car. She can even raise children by herself if she chooses to. And at the same time, in a romantic relationship, there are still some elements that can allow both the man and woman to feel more connected and good about themselves.

 

Many men—when they get to the core of what they want in a relationship—enjoy and want to do nice things for women. I’ll use myself as an example: for the longest time I didn’t practice chivalrous things like opening the door for my girlfriend at the restaurant. Carrying her suitcase for her when I picked her up at the airport. Walking on the street-side of the sidewalk when we were walking side by side. Why? I was scared. I was afraid because I’d heard so much talk about women embracing their independence and strength. I assumed that if I started doing things to take care of my lady, that I would be called a chauvinist, infringing on her autonomy; that she would think that I saw her as weak and unable to handle things herself. So I leaned back most of the time— and it always felt off to me. Say picked her up at her house, waiting in the car. I would see her walking up and just click on the door unlock button. She’s get in. I’d kiss and greet her, but it always felt like I was being lazy, not showing her how much I care about her.

 

Then when making one of my trips to Brazil to visit family, I noticed men getting out of the car to open the door for their girlfriends. Like Driving Miss Daisy. I found it fun to watch. So I started practicing that myself. And it felt great. Such a small gesture, but it felt damn good. Like I was Cary Grant in a three-piece suit even though I was in Levi’s and Chuck Taylors. And I noticed that not one woman complained; most actually commented how much they appreciated it, how rare it was nowadays.

 

I think when it comes to taking care of the woman you love, it’s all about how you do it.The mindset you approach the situation from. Do you actually think of her as helpless and weak? Or do you think she is strong and capable? Either way, she’ll feel it underneath your actions. And remember, it’s a dance. For giving and receiving to happen, it needs to be matched. If as a woman, you always reject assistance from a guy, you’re denying him the gift of feeling like a gentleman. And you’re denying yourself the gift of feeling seen and cared for, even if the guy is a neighbor helping you with your Whole Foods bags up the stairs. This is not about right and wrong, this is about finding what feels good to you.

 

 

If you’re dating right now, I invite you to try 90 days of letting men take care of you: let him pay for dinner; arrive at the door a little more slowly so he has a chance to open it for you. Just see how it feels. Maybe even spark a conversation on this topic with the men and women in your life. Experiment—keep what you like and toss the rest.

Written by Jeffrey Platts




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